Hope is the Thing with Feathers
by Technoelfie
Summary: AU. Even in her darkest moments, Kagome never lost hope. Even in his darkest moments, Sesshoumaru never had it. But convictions falter and certainties are shattered when the jewel forces them into an unexpected moment of intimacy. SK.
1. The Wish

The idea behind this story was sparked when I began my SK fancomic _Etchings _on DeviantArt two years ago. While _Etchings_ is supposed to be a short, humorous, and last but not least unashamedly _smutty_ look at a possible SK courtship (as befits the nature of a comic), the story behind it turned out longer and darker than I anticipated, and it ultimately deviated from the comic in several important points.

Same as the comic, though, it is unapologetically AU.

.

* * *

.

_~The Wish~_

It all started with the wish.

There was a certain confusion as to who had wished on what, mostly due to an undignified scuffle. Kagome still cringed miserably whenever she remembered...

"What are you waiting for, wench? Give it here already!"

Exhausted, dirty and covered in blood, Kagome scowled. "Watch the language, Inuyasha. I'm not in the mood."

"What's that supposed to mean? Now give it to me!"

"Say please."

"The fuck I will." Inuyasha made to snatch the jewel from Kagome's numb fingers but the thing, now whole, appeared glued to her hands. It glowed belligerently when Inuyasha tried to grab it. He pulled his hand back with a cry of pain mingled with annoyance.

"I told you," muttered Kagome. "Ask nicely, and you'll get it." She was miserable but determined. This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen, and the sooner Inuyasha understood that, the better.

"No fucking way I'm going to ask. It's _mine_."

Kagome swallowed and stepped slowly back, trying to put some distance between her and Inuyasha. They were all at the end of their powers, but that was no reason to turn on each other, was it?

"Inuyasha," she said, struggling for calm. "We discussed this. We're friends, aren't we? Let's just think for a second. If we make a selfish wish, things could turn out worse than before."

Inuyasha merely scowled at her, fists clenched. She could see he was trembling with frustration, and her heart went out to him, but he had never been good at thinking before he leapt and this time, somebody had to.

She used a dirty sleeve to rub at her eyes, which were pricking suspiciously. "It's not just about us, Inuyasha," she told him in a whisper. She was afraid that otherwise her voice might break. "Sango has lost so much. So many people were slaughtered... Don't you care about that?"

He squared his shoulders. "Why should I? Nobody cares about me."

And here they went again. She knew that exhaustion often made Inuyasha regress to the untrusting bully he had been in the beginning, but she had not expected such a complete turnabout. The last year he had been nearly reasonable.

"That's not true," she said, even as she saw Sesshoumaru's mouth curl into a moue of disgust.

From the corner of her eye, Kagome saw Miroku take up his shakujo in a newly healed hand. Sango was still on her knees. She wouldn't be able to move, but Miroku would fight Inuyasha if he had to.

Kagome rubbed at her eyes again, angry at herself for crying, angry at Inuyasha for being such a jerk... angry at the world in general. Things weren't supposed to go like this. Naraku was dead. They should all be happy, relieved... anything but this resentment. Where had the camaraderie of the last seven years gone? She could practically see the battle lines being drawn.

Nobody begrudged Inuyasha his happiness. But he was stomping all over their friends, never mind herself, and it was just _wrong_.

"What would you wish for, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked quietly.

"You know what I'm going to wish for," Inuyasha said. He did not look belligerent any longer. He looked… sly.

"I suppose I do," Kagome whispered. The jewel was pulsing in her hand, a living thing anxious to be released. Kagome knew she could not put this off any longer but she was tired, so tired, and her eyes wouldn't focus. Not the best moment for an unselfish wish.

Inuyasha's claws were twitching, a sure sign that his patience was nearing its end. He was her friend, but right now he didn't see her that way. He saw her as the obstacle between himself and the thing he wanted most. Kagome was certain he saw it as a betrayal that she didn't give him the jewel. He didn't understand why she couldn't.

Had Sesshoumaru come closer, too? She couldn't tell through her blurry vision, but she thought he might have.

She had to think. What constituted an unselfish wish anyway? Kagome had thought long and hard about this, and thought she'd found a solution. But now that hard-won certainty suddenly eluded her.

What if she was about to make a horrible mistake?

Even though she wanted to, Kagome knew she couldn't erase all the horror and pain the jewel's shattering had brought. She could not give Sango her village back. Any specific wish, no matter how well-meant, could carry the taint of selfishness.

Ultimately, Kagome had decided that she could try to make whole only what had not been irreparably broken through the jewel's influence; she could only wish that everyone would have the opportunity to find some peace and happiness. And at the deep, dark core of that truth lay the realization that she could not begrudge her enemies the blessings she would so readily bestow on her friends.

The jewel did not play favorites, so neither could she.

She would have to deal with Kikyo, against who she had been measured and found lacking. It would have been easy to hate her, and for a while, Kagome had.

But Kikyo had been betrayed, and then ripped away from death to live a terrible half-life. She deserved a second chance. Kagome knew the risk to herself, had weighed it and found it great. And yet in the end, it didn't matter. She might die in the process, but she would force the jewel to clean up after itself, and Kikyo's resurrection was part of that. Kagome felt the truth of it like a chill in her bones.

Maybe that was it. There was no right answer, no good and evil, no best way to go forward. There was only this moment, and there was balance.

Kagome had been the keeper of the jewel. In this one, frozen moment, she was its keeper again.

She did not have to be fair, or weigh sins, or judge. Poised perfectly between past and future, her only task was to restore balance, because she was the only one who could.

Kagome lifted her head.

As if in answer to her newfound certainty, the shikon began to glow.

"No!"

Inuyasha had used her reverie to sneak closer, and now he made a desperate grab for the jewel. Startled, Kagome realized her reflexes were too sluggish to evade him, but the hand that closed over hers, enveloping her smaller one along with the jewel, was not Inuyasha's but Sesshoumaru's.

A booted foot met with Inuyasha's exposed belly, propelling him into a far tree.

"Enough childishness for today," Sesshoumaru said.

The glow expanded in pulsing beats.

Kagome's consciousness expanded with it, beyond her skin and into Sesshoumaru's. His youki lapped at her like the tide, then he was all around her too, like a dark and alien sea.

Inuyasha howled.

Silvery images brushed past her like flocks of fish: skies dark with dragons, vast golden deserts, spinning men in white clothes. An impossibly beautiful woman with teeth as sharp as a shark's lunged out of the dark, her jaws opened wide; statues came to life in shadowy gardens. She saw barred windows surrounded by delicate stonework, pyramids glowing blue against the night sky, red-robed men on flying carpets flying low through a silent night.

She sank further. The flashes faded, leaving only a menacing gloom.

In the depths of Sesshoumaru, it was cold and quiet. His youki pressed against her skin, tugged at her like a great and terrible ocean.

Her left shoulder hurt. The injury felt deep and vivid and _hers_. It was quite bad, and she would have been weary about it, had she allowed herself to be. She knew she was clutching the jewel with her left, could still see the purple pulse of power at the edge of Sesshoumaru's darkness, but suddenly, she could no longer feel her arm.

Kagome met Sesshoumaru's eyes, afraid of what she would find, but they were like blank coins. He must be as lost in her as she was in him, she realized dimly.

She wondered what he saw. She wondered how much of her own intrusion he felt; she barely registered him sifting through her thoughts and memories and still she felt shame at what he might discover. She wished she could draw back. If she was embarrassed, how much more painful would the experience be for someone as private as him?

Withdrawal did not seem to be an option and anyway she would not know where to begin. She was still sinking, past red layers of instinct to the coolest core of him.

She felt hate, cooled to scarred-over, icy rage by the pressure of his soul. He hated the stump of his arm. He abhorred the imbalance it created in his beautiful, battle-honed body. He had to live with the agony of youkai muscles as strong as steel cable pulling his shoulder into its socket without a full arm to provide counterbalance to those forces.

He slept only rarely now; the constant torture was difficult to ignore. The sleeplessness had provided him with many additional hours of training which he had used to adapt to his circumstances.

The wish was still growing around them; she could feel it working, shifting.

It was using them for fuel. It did not let her withdraw. If anything, it pressed them closer together.

The cold was arctic now. Kagome shivered as a fresh wave of darkness broke over her. Despair, held in check by iron will.

The arm was not regenerating. At all. It was a useless stump and would remain so for the rest of his very long life.

Kagome ached for him. She looked away from his terrible hollow stare; she didn't want him to think she pitied him, though surely he could see her every thought by now.

And then, for a brief, terrible moment, she was afraid he would corrupt the wish. Surely he would want his arm back. Surely…

Sesshoumaru lifted his hand off the jewel. Even bereft of touch their connection held as he gripped her chin, lifting her eyes to his. This time, his eyes and his soul held the same message: he would not wish for his arm back.

There was no spark of longing there, not a smidgen. Just utter, grim acceptance.

Point made, his hand fell away. His gaze still pinned her though. It seemed important to him that she understood.

And she did. But Kagome found she could not bear it.

The wish was fading, its work nearly complete. There were mere moments left and yet Kagome felt that in this space, in this moment, she was prepared for a last leap of faith. Lifting her right hand, she grabbed the stump of Sesshoumaru's arm, shaking away the disorientation as the touch of her own hand echoed weirdly through her nervous system.

She saw herself as a slim, shining creature. Fragile, painfully beautiful. There was a nascent sense of longing here, barely formed. Oddly, she could see the top of her own head.

One last act of balance, she thought, pushing the distractions away.

She might be drowning in him, but she was still herself. She only had to find her center…

_There_.

The last of the wish passed through Sesshoumaru with a ripple. Kagome saw his eyes widen, felt heat blossom beneath her fingers, then the glare became blinding.

A breath later, it collapsed to a heavy, icy nucleus in her hand. The link between her and Sesshoumaru stretched, then snapped.

Sesshoumaru leaned closer, gold eyes intent. He was holding her wrist, and he was doing it with his _left_…

Her other hand burned with cold.

Kagome looked down drunkenly. There was a charred ring of skin around the jewel, which was _sinking_... She stared at it, slowly realizing the icy feeling must be caused by extreme heat. She had no time to react beyond that: the jewel began to glow an incandescent white as it melted into skin and bone.

Kagome sucked in a breath. Her muscles seized. It felt as if her whole body had been dipped in lye and set on fire.

She had no breath left to scream.

As she fell into darkness, the pain followed.


	2. The Long Goodbye

Thanks for the nice reviews. :) I hope this chapter clears up several questions (as well as creating new ones).

.

* * *

.

_~The Long Goodbye~_

The clearing was quiet as a tomb.

The backlash wave of the wish had slapped everyone except Sesshoumaru into unconsciousness again and restored the ravaged countryside to pristine condition, with a few creative changes. The slayer lay pillowed on a bed of moss, her clothing a fairy tale concoction in green and gold. The monk rested close by, similarly attired.

Inuyasha lay at the base of the tree where Sesshoumaru had flung him. The tree itself had doubled in girth and beside the hanyou lay a new girl. A glance revealed her to be the former clay priestess Kikyo, presumably returned to life out of some misplaced sense of obligation.

Sesshoumaru snorted then moved on.

The boy Kohaku was alive. Interesting. He must have survived the removal of his shard long enough for the wish to take effect.

Even more improbably, the clearing was covered in white orchids. Another expression of the miko's whimsical nature, Sesshoumaru decided, though certainly not intended. As the sun sank quickly below the horizon, the temperature had dropped noticeably. The blooms would not survive the night.

It was just as well. The smell was giving him a headache.

Absently, he rubbed his newly acquired arm. It ached quite a bit, and the pain in his shoulder and back continued undiminished. Sesshoumaru didn't care. The pain would fade, now that the equilibrium of forces in his body was restored.

He had his arm back, thanks to the unexpected generosity of Inuyasha's priestess, and if the girl had seen more of his inner workings in the process than he would have been comfortable showing to anyone… well, he would consider that part of her payment.

He looked down at her still, twisted body, luminously white against a perfect circle of damp, dark earth. Whatever restoration magic the wish had performed all around them, it had bypassed the two of them completely. The girl's clothes were as ragged and torn as they had been after the battle, though the jewel's fire appeared to have burned away all traces of youkai guts and blood; Sesshoumaru's own kimono and pants were similarly ruined.

The girl did not appear to be dead, though she lay there stiff as a corpse; that contorted position had to be more than uncomfortable.

Eyes narrowed in concentration, he examined her carefully, aware that his gaze lingered quite a bit longer than was necessary on her bare, delicate limbs and the arch of her exposed throat.

His glimpse of her innermost self should have put him off; people's core truths were rarely palatable. Instead, he found himself fascinated by the sheer complexity of her. There was goodness, yes, but it was growing less and less blind with each passing year. The girl was flowed in so many ways, yet the potential for growth was staggering. Even the small sins and selfish wishes he discovered, the little petty jealousies, only served to make her more real.

Besides, she was beautiful to him.

Just this once, in this silent clearing, he could admit it, if only to himself. _Kagome_. Such a silly, human name, and one he would not use it to her face, ever. There was no need to give her more power over him than this attraction already provided her with.

She looked like a nymph — and oh, how he missed that part of his past — and maybe she was. She was certainly becoming something other than human, though what that would be remained to be seen. Her aura was drawn tight around her, augmented to a shimmering cocoon by the power of the jewel and inside, she was transforming. She had to be, to contain so much power without using it.

The jewel was turning Kagome into an immortal prison for its potential, and such transformations didn't always deliver the expected results. If the girl woke up… _tainted_, it was Sesshoumaru's responsibility to end her life. If she did not, she would be free to choose her path.

For now, Sesshoumaru could only watch and wait.

All around the clearing, Inuyasha's party was beginning to stir. Soon they would gather and then they would no doubt attempt to fuss ineffectually. It would be up to him to keep them away until he was certain.

Sesshoumaru kneeled beside the girl, arranging the remains of his kimono with fastidious care. Then, slipping an arm underneath her shoulders, he gently lifted her head into his lap.

In her unnatural sleep, Kagome turned her head towards him and mumbled something about clouds and bunnies. Then she moaned in obvious discomfort.

"K- Kikyo?" yelled Inuyasha suddenly. Obviously, when his moron brother awoke, he went directly to full volume. "What the _fuck_?"

And then—

"Hey, wait, I didn't mean it like that! Wait up!"

Sesshoumaru's head fell forward, shrouding him in a curtain of silver hair.

It was going to be a long night.

x-x

Kagome awoke to a splitting headache. It was dark. She blinked, fearing blindness or worse, and slowly, the spiderwebs dissolved into stars sprinkled across a cloudy night sky. How long had she been out?

Her head was pillowed in someone's lap — Sango? No, the scent was different, sea and sand, somehow electric — and the same someone was brushing her hair away from her face, which felt oddly itchy.

She brought her hand up to rub the itch away. Her fingers were emitting a flickering shimmer.

"What the—?" She wiggled them. The glow didn't fade.

"Kagome! You're awake!" Sango exclaimed.

"Sango!" Kagome tried to sit up, then groaned as a sharp pain shot through her belly. A strong pair of hands pressed her down again.

"Your consumption of the jewel is still affecting you, miko. I would not advise moving."

"Sesshoumaru's right," Sango said wryly. "You shouldn't move. You gave us quite a scare."

_Sesshoumaru?_

Kagome whimpered.

What was she doing in Sesshoumaru's lap? Somehow, the glowing thing paled in comparison to the fact that the most unapproachable, aloof youkai she knew was sitting there with her draped across his lap. Also, he was touching her. There must be a mistake in there, somewhere.

Kagome tried to scoot away delicately, ignoring the resulting pain with gritted teeth. She could not _think_ like this.

"Miko. Lie still."

Kagome looked pleadingly at Sango, and nearly didn't recognize her. Her hair was undone, and she was wearing the most elaborate, embroidered robes… Was that gold thread? Were those _diamonds_?

The look in her eyes though, _that_ was pure Sango in mothering mode.

Still, the other girl did not seem to see anything wrong with the seating arrangements. Obviously, the wish had created a strange parallel universe where Sesshoumaru was helpful and nice, and…

Wait. He didn't _sound_ nice. He sounded as bored and exasperated with the inferiority of the world as he always did.

Kagome decided, slightly drunkenly, that she would just ask him what was going on.

"Sesshoumaru? Why am I lying in your lap?"

"It was expedient."

Well, that told her exactly nothing. "Okay," she said, not wanting to appear ungrateful.

"What happened exactly? I don't remember."

A flash of surprise passed across his face, followed by… relief?

She could have sworn he smirked at her. "Your wish was reasonably successful," he said.

Oh. He thought she didn't remember the time spent in his head. He was half right. Her own head was throbbing something awful, so she was fuzzy on the particulars but she remembered the salient points of the experience well enough.

He didn't have to be a condescending prick though, did he?

"I remember the stupid wish," she muttered, angry at him for being so smug. "All of it," she added, then immediately regretted it. Now Sesshoumaru looked as if he were sucking on lemons, and all because she was too honest for her own good. "I mean, what happened _after_. After I… You know. Fainted."

"Fainted _screaming_," Sesshoumaru corrected prissily, no doubt getting her back for peeking at his innermost thoughts. As if she'd had a choice.

"I didn't do it on purpose," Kagome said. "I thought that was obvious."

Also, she was pretty sure she'd only screamed in her own head. She certainly hadn't had the breath for more, there at the end.

Sango was looking back and forth between them, confused. "Nobody thinks you fainted on purpose, Kagome," she soothed. "That's ridiculous. And I didn't hear any screaming," she added as an afterthought.

"Thanks, Sango," Kagome said automatically. "Anyway, I didn't mean the fainting. I meant the _other_ thing."

"What other thing?" Sango asked, now thoroughly nonplussed.

Since she was still aglow for unexplained and possibly sinister reasons and hurting everywhere, Kagome was not in the mood to be accommodating. "Ask _him_. He's the one who's got his panties in a bunch about it."

It was hard to tell upside down, but Kagome thought Sesshoumaru was watching her as he might a new and interesting species of glowing beetle.

Right. The glow.

"Why am I glowing?"

"You absorbed the jewel."

As if she could forget that bit of excruciating pain anytime soon. "I'm looking for the extended explanation," she informed him. "If you please."

He merely looked at her. Clearly, he didn't please.

Kagome really couldn't deal with this right now. She turned to Sango, wincing when the sudden movement shot more pain down her spine. "How is everyone? _Where_ is everyone? Sango, you look so… clean. And, er, different. That robe is very pretty."

It was an understatement. Last Kagome has seen her, Sango had been draped in bits of Naraku and youkai entrails, her clothes shredded beyond repair. To see her so pristine and draped in sparkly bits of glass reinforced Kagome's opinion that she had woken up in an alternate universe. Alternately, this was still a dream.

Oh, let it be a dream.

Sango smiled. "It's the wish. Oh, Kagome-chan, you were wonderful! Kohaku is _well_, and Miroku too, and Kikyo…"

"Oh. So that worked," Kagome murmured, unsure how to feel about that. She was alive, obviously, so she had not been Kikyo's reincarnation after all. That was good, wasn't it?

Sango stroked Kagome's cheek. "It did. She's truly alive. Inuyasha's very happy. Or he will be once he talks her down. He didn't react very well when he woke up and— Anyway. That was very generous of you."

"There is a fine line between selflessness and stupidity," Sesshoumaru said, reminding Kagome that he'd had a good rummage inside her head as well. Obviously, he was not as reticent about sharing his opinions on her psyche as Kagome was on his.

Sango, who had no idea what was going on, glowered at him in sisterly outrage. Kagome loved her more than ever.

"It was a calculated risk," Kagome told him. "You're awfully chatty today."

"I should think you would be thankful for the opportunity to profit from my vast insight," Sesshoumaru said.

Had he just made a joke? It was hard to tell, considering his healthy sense of self-worth; Kagome, who had seen glimpses of a dry sense of humor beneath his cold exterior before she took the full plunge into his soul nevertheless felt ill-equipped to speculate.

"If you say so," she mumbled. That was nicely noncommittal.

Sesshoumaru did not dignify that with an answer.

An uncomfortable silence ensued. To cover it, Sango launched into a breathless description of the events Kagome had missed.

Apparently, the wish had healed everybody's wounds, sped up the growth of Sesshoumaru's missing arm in some way—Kagome blushed as she remembered how that had _really_ happened— and erased all traces of the battle from the surrounding forest. Inuyasha had reacted somewhat indelicately to the discovery of a restored Kikyo. When he didn't manage to smooth over her ruffled feathers right away, he went off to have a sulk. Kikyo had not been as reluctant to talk to the other members of their party. Sango described her as sweet and shy, the complete antithesis to her cold, hard clay counterpart. She also seemed a lot softer — Inuyasha's second try at earning forgiveness had been crowned by success insofar that she had let him whisk her away to who knew where, leaving his friends to fend for themselves.

Miroku had sent Kohaku along with Kirara and Jaken back to Kaede, where Shippo and Rin were still waiting for news of the battle's outcome.

As Sango told it, Sesshoumaru had stayed with Kagome, and shooed everyone away who attempted to take over her care. He'd been even more firm when her friends tried to move her.

Well that was interesting. Kagome arched an eyebrow at Sesshoumaru, undaunted when his eyes narrowed in response.

"Thank you for bringing me up to speed, Sango," she said sweetly. "So, what happens now? And, uh, where's Miroku?"

Sango blushed. "He's, er, waiting for me. He's preparing the camp right now."

Oh. Kagome was powerless to stop her own blush. She took Sango's hand. "I'm really happy for you," she said. And she was.

"You should join us," Sango said. To her credit, the offer did not come out strangled at all. "We're close by. Miroku didn't want to set up camp at the site of the battle, in case of leftover surprises. That's why we moved at all."

Kagome was torn. Sango was generous as ever, but she was pretty sure her friends needed their privacy tonight.

"The miko will not be moved," Sesshoumaru said.

"Hey! I can make my own decisions." Fuelled by indignation Kagome struggled to sit up, only to sink back with a sharp breath. She broke out in a cold sweat as she tried to breathe through the knifing pain. Each deep inhalation only served to turn mere pain into agony until she was gasping for air.

Sesshoumaru eyed her with disfavor. "Certainly," her murmured. "Just say the word."

Kagome had no capacities left for outrage. Her gasp turned into a long seize; sparks danced at the endges of her narrowing vision. She whimpered as Sesshoumaru lifted her completely into his lap. The agony peaked then eased a little, but she still gasped futilely for air.

She flinched as Sesshoumaru shoved his hand under her shirt, pressed it against her belly. His fingers felt scorching against her chilled skin and she wanted to pull away again, but when he began to massage her cramped diaphragm, she understood.

"Breathe," he commanded.

The feel of his skin on hers had gone from burning to merely hot as their body temperatures strained to align. Gradually, Kagome's muscles loosened enough for her to breathe again. She sucked in a lungful of moist, cool night air and promptly coughed.

"Easy," Sango said, stroking her hair. "I should stay here," she told Sesshoumaru. "I'll go get Miroku."

"There is no need," Sesshoumaru said, withdrawing his hand and meticulously smoothing Kagome's shirt back in place. "You need your rest and I am perfectly capable of ensuring the miko is not hurt by her own idiocy."

With dismay, Kagome watched Sango squirm beneath the taiyoukai's even stare. With a few words, Sesshoumaru had made sure her friend had to leave her alone for the night, or else imply Sesshoumaru was not capable of providing adequate care and, if necessary, protection.

"You are certainly more than qualified, Sesshoumaru-sama," Sango said. "Still—"

"Then it is decided," Sesshoumaru interjected smoothly. "I wish you a pleasant rest."

And just that easily, Sango was dismissed. With a last, unreadable look at Sesshoumaru, she placed a kiss on Kagome's forehead and rose to her feet.

"If you need something, Kagome-chan, just yell. We're close by."

Kagome smiled. "I'll be all right, Sango-chan. Sesshoumaru is right, you should get some rest."

Sango still looked worried. Kagome was worried too, but she did not want her friend to feel that she had abandoned her. She searched desperately for something distracting to say and sure enough, there it was. "Oh… Sango?"

The slayer turned, and Kagome grinned mischievously. "Give Miroku a good grope from me."

For a brief moment Sango stared incredulously, then the tension eased and she burst into laughter. "Will do, Kagome-chan. Will do."

Moments later she was gone, swallowed by the underbrush.

Kagome sighed.

Now that the quest was over, the ties holding their little group together already seemed to loosen, each of them withdrawing into their own private world.

The thought made her sad. She would have liked some solitude for herself to sort things out, but with Sesshoumaru watching over her like a mother hen, that was not likely to happen. Besides, he was much warmer than the cold ground could every be. Not that it was enough. Late autumn nights were cold anyway; the moisture in the air worsened the chill, which meant that Kagome was warm and snug everywhere they touched, and miserably cold everywhere else.

She shivered.

Sesshoumaru sighed, probably exasperated at the fragility of humans everywhere, then decreed she must be kept warm since her chattering teeth were annoying. Moments later, moko-moko settled around them like a fluffy boa constrictor, pressing her tighter against his chest. It was not tight enough to cause pain, but now she could not shiver if she tried.

"It's a little tight?" Kagome ventured.

Sesshoumaru sighed again.

The strangling grip loosened slightly, though not very much.

"Thank you," said Kagome politely. She searched for something more to say and came up blank. The uncomfortable novelty of being mothered by _Sesshoumaru_, of all people, would have thrown anyone off balance. It was just so… odd. Improbable. Kagome reacted to improbable situations like she did to alcohol: she either babbled, or she went catatonic.

The silence lengthened. Sesshoumaru was a creature of long silences and incredibly short sentences; that didn't seem to have changed. Bubbly and affectionate, Kagome was the exact opposite. When Sesshoumaru had joined their little party, she had politely attempted to include him, but she had understood he was a deeply private creature and had gone out of her way to give him the space he needed. it hadn't been a problem as long as she had her friends to lavish her attention on.

When she had started bringing him little gifts from her time as a token of her appreciation, he had accepted them as his due. Nevertheless, they had never been close and the abrupt switch from strained politeness to the painful intimacy of the wish, and now the different but still unsettling intimacy of their current position was hard to understand, much less swallow.

"You said you know what's happening to me?" she finally asked, politely avoiding his gaze. In her new seated position their faces were a lot closer, and Sesshoumaru was staring directly into her face, clearly not bothered by pedestrian concepts like politeness and personal space.

"I can sense some of it," he said. His deep baritone never failed to startle her, even more so now that the reverberations in his chest thrummed right across her the surface skin. "You are assimilating the jewel. The process appears to have some traits in common with purification, though it is not the same. You are changing what remains of the jewel and in the process, it is changing you. The glow is a mere symptom."

Well, that wasn't exactly good news. "Changing me how?"

"Calm yourself, miko. Your distress is leaking. Besides, I would have already taken measures if the change had felt in any way… harmful."

Did that mean she smelled? And what measures? Kagome made a valiant effort to rein in her worry. "So it's a good change?" She asked, more aware than ever that Sesshoumaru was a youkai. His definition of good was unlikely to match hers. "Oh god. I'm not turning into a youkai, am I?" she demanded, horrified.

"I assume from your overwrought gasp that you do not view that as a desirable fate?" Sesshoumaru said. He sounded offended.

Moko-moko bristled along with him, covering Kagome's lower face in outraged white fluff. "I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru. I didn't mean it like that. It's just… can you really see me as a youkai? I don't think youkaihood would suit me very well."

After a long, pregnant minute, Sesshoumaru inclined his head in grudging acquiescence.

It occurred to Kagome that even Sesshoumaru might not know exactly what her metamorphosis might result in. The thought was seriously scary.

"So, if I'm not becoming youkai…" she prodded carefully.

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed as if he were trying to read the swirls and eddies in her aura that were so frustratingly out of reach for her own senses. Eventually, something like realization flashed across his face. If she was not mistaken, he even appeared to _relax_.

"You were born with the jewel in your body, correct?"

How did he know? She had certainly never told him… Oh. Right.

"Yes."

He studied her for another long moment then nodded, satisfied.

"Then you are merely becoming more yourself," he declared, as if that explained anything.

Frustrated, Kagome bit her lip, only to end up with another mouthful of white fur for her trouble. She sputtered and frowned at moko-moko the way she did not dare to frown at the cryptic, irritating taiyoukai.

"Well, it hurts," she muttered, sounding like a cranky five-year-old. No wonder Sesshoumaru was mothering her.

"It will pass," Sesshoumaru told her.

That was oddly… compassionate, coming from him.

Kagome was so startled, she forgot to avoid his gaze. Their eyes met, and like a butterfly impaled on a pin, she was caught.

He had beautiful eyes. Long and almond-shaped, fringed by dense black eyelashes, they were more exotic than Inuyasha's, and more alien. A thousand layered shades of gold, citrine, amber, with a catlike luminescence, shifted hypnotically in the poor light. But what brought her up short and spread like sweet poison through her veins, was the soft, indulgent look he was giving her.

Frozen, Kagome became aware of his thumb. It was gently stroking the bare curve of her shoulder. Up. Down. Up. _Around_, in an idle swirling motion that sent liquid fire surging through her veins. She glanced to the side, but both her shoulder and his hand were hidden by an abundance of milky fur. Her sweater must be torn, Kagome thought stupidly. Why had the stupid wish not repaired it?

Helplessly, she raised her eyes back to Sesshoumaru's face. In the space of a breath his eyes had narrowed subtly and his lips had parted. The perfect bow of his upper lip drew her gaze like a magnet. The glow from her own skin sent golden light flickering across his jaw and cheekbones and the fall of his hair cast spidery shadows across the marble perfection of his skin.

Only he did not look like marble now. He looked brilliantly alive. And _covetous_. Buyo watched birds with less predatory greed.

Something liquid and hot blossomed in Kagome's belly. If she stretched just a little, she could brush her mouth along his jaw. His skin smelled sun-warm, and she inhaled deeply. Sesshoumaru's nostrils flared in response.

When he turned his head, their lips nearly touched.

Odd, but moving did not hurt at all right now.

Wait. What was she _doing_?

"We should stop," she said firmly. "Whatever this is, you obviously haven't thought it through, and I can't really thing right now anyway. So."

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow, undeterred. His fingers had begun tracing patterns along her shoulder blade, and they were definitely inching lower.

"What are you doing?"

He remained stubbornly silent. She thought he might be smirking at her again.

"I saw dragons," she blurted out.

That wiped the smirk right off his face. His eyes widened in surprise and just like that, the mood was broken. Sesshoumaru stopped stroking her, but he did not withdraw his hand. Despite herself, Kagome leaned into it.

"I think I did, anyway. The sky was full of them. And flying carpets, and a scary woman with _teeth_…"

The silence stretched for so long Kagome was afraid she'd angered him.

"Xinjiang," he said finally. "Rub'al Khali. Basra."

"So I didn't just imagine them. That's quite a few far-away places." All of a sudden Kagome was thankful for her diligence during geography lessons. She could pinpoint all those places with reasonable accuracy on a world map. "They're not close together either. You used to travel that far?"

"I do have the advantage of speed," Sesshoumaru said after a moment's thought, looking at her curiously.

"So you do," Kagome said. She realized that he had meant his answer to be cryptic and her knowledge of geography had surprised him. It didn't offend her. In his world, educated women were a rarity, and there were practically no well-travelled ones.

She bet Sesshoumaru had been shut away too, either when he came of age as heir to the Western Lands, or by the responsibilities that followed with his father's death.

"They must be good memories," she said therefore, warmly.

His mouth twisted. "Mostly."

He brushed his thumb once along the swell of her shoulder, and just like that the heat was back.

Kagome looked up into his eyes. He watched her back, looking content and sleepy-eyed. She knew she was behaving like a moth to a flame, but she couldn't help it.

Worse, she didn't want to. She wanted to know him better. And she needed to know what he saw when he looked at her, because right now, she couldn't read him at all.

"What did you see? When we were… merged. I assume the connection went both ways."

"It did."

"And?"

"You are… surprisingly tolerable."

Well, there was her answer.

His tone was so bland, so content, he couldn't have meant it an insult. It still hurt.

It hurt enough for her to pull back before she got burned worse.

She struggled for a breezy tone. "Wow. Thanks, Sesshoumaru. I have to say, you take damning with faint praise to a whole new level."

Sesshoumaru stiffened.

Kagome soldiered on. "Maybe I should move. Don't your legs fall asleep?" She had been sitting in his lap for quite a while now and he had not changed position. She told herself it was only polite to inquire.

Sesshoumaru gave her a puzzled look. "In what way?"

"Well, you know, when your circulation gets cut off by something heavy, and you lose feeling in your legs?"

"… Humans are even more unfortunate than I imagined."

She wanted to cry. She wanted to smack him for destroying her sense of self-worth with such nonchalance. Maybe she should have cards made up when she got back home. Kagome Higurashi. Surprisingly tolerable.

"I suppose that means no."

"Your supposition is correct."

The world was unfair.

"So… Let's see. If I can't move, because I'd rather not court random bursts of really bad pain, does that mean I have to lie exactly like this all night?"

"Yes. For a reasonably intelligent person, you do seem to have difficulty grasping that simple concept."

"All night. In the same position," Kagome repeated mournfully. If she could not scoot away and lick her wounds in peace, she was in a mood to be petulant.

"It is a practice known as meditation," Sesshoumaru said, proving he could keep on being a jackass all night. "You should certainly benefit."

"It's only called meditation of you meditate. Otherwise it's called boredom. My legs are going to fall asleep first. Then my arms. Then my _head._"

Sesshoumaru sighed. "One can only hope."

Silence fell. This time, Kagome was determined she would not be the one filling it.

There were no crickets around either, and Sesshoumaru might be a jerk, but he was also snuggly and warm. Kagome nearly fell asleep watching the moon crawl across the sky.

"Have you formulated plans for the future?"

"Wha-?"

"I asked whether you have planned your future," Sesshoumaru repeated. "You are welcome to sleep if you would rather."

For Sesshoumaru, initiating conversation was probably as close to an apology as she was likely to get.

"No. No, that's all right. I have, actually."

She squirmed a little. It still hurt, but not nearly as much. Was it her, or was the pain getting better? She was tempted to prod and pick at it as she would a scab. When Sesshoumaru's arms tightened warningly around her, so did moko-moko.

"Your plans," he repeated.

Kagome subsided. "I liked school," she confided. "If things were different, I would have gone to university, but I guess my finals were too bad for that. I never told Inuyasha, but I wish I could have had more time to learn. School is the only place where you can learn just for the sake of learning, you know. And now I'm over twenty, and it's too late."

"Why would it be too late?"

"I missed to much school to be good at it. People like me don't get a chance at higher education, not without a lot of money. You see, I'm not complaining about missed chances. I'm aware that what happened is not anybody's fault. I'll have to get a job to support my family. Mama has sunk a lot of money into me lately."

"You are returning to your time," Sesshoumaru stated.

As he said it, Kagome suddenly realized she had avoided saying it quite that plainly, even to herself.

"I guess I am," she whispered.

When she lifted her head, her eyes were shiny. "It stinks terribly, you know."

"Your home."

"Yes. The stench is awful. And it's so noisy… you can't imagine. But the nose adapts, and after a while, I can tune it all out. Home —the shrine— is relatively quiet, so it's easier there. But I'm sure I'll find work quickly. I guess can still read in my spare time—that's what libraries are for, you know."

"Will you be a miko there as well?"

He sounded genuinely interested and as usual, he cut to the heart of the matter.

Kagome shrugged sadly. "No. I won't be. If there are demons in my time, they are well hidden. And in my time doctors—healers—have to go to university to earn a degree. It doesn't matter, though. My family has sacrificed so much for me, it's time to give something back. Jii-san isn't getting any younger either."

Sesshoumaru watched her for a long moment, and it felt as if he was seeing clear to the center of her soul, again.

"Your friends will feel diminished by your absence," he said, oddly formal.

"Oh. That… that is a very nice thing to say." Warmth spread through her, taking away some of the sting his earlier words had caused. "You are full of surprises tonight," she told him quietly.

"Surprise is merely another weapon," Sesshoumaru said. Kagome took it to mean 'don't get a swelled head'. She smiled wryly.

"Anyway, my friends might miss me —I know I'll miss them!— but they don't need me anymore. My family does. Besides… I can't see myself living in the village forever, getting bogged down in local politics, avoiding marriage offers until I'm too old to receive any, growing smaller and more stupid with every year. Life isn't kind to women here."

Sesshoumaru nodded. He understood the responsibility part, and while Kagome assumed he had never had reason to ponder the life of a peasant girl, he would also understand the need to grow rather than lessen.

"Your sentiment does you credit," he said.

Afterward, it seemed there was nothing more to say.

x-x

Sesshoumaru stroked the crown of Kagome's dark head and as the sky grew silver at the edges he wished he could keep her here, away from the unhappy future she had mapped out for herself.

He knew better, of course.

As the stars winked out he smelled dew on Kagome's skin, and knew her human days were over.

And when she blinked at him with eyes the color of mirrors and asked "Is it over?" in a sleep-hoarsened voice, he drew her back against his chest.

"Soon," he said, counting the seconds. "Soon."

Her eyes bled back to brown just before dawn but beneath her skin, she carried stars and forests, and anyway, the night was over, never to return.

x-x

Kagome rested in Sesshoumaru's arms, the great waves of his youki lapping at her like a tame ocean, and wished she could take this moment and stretch it like honey into the future: warm and golden, and nearly forever.

But no. The jewel was gone, and now her wishes were just that.

The merest pink blush was beginning to seep into the cool, predawn grey. Kagome watched the sky, aware that she might be seeing her last sunrise in the Feudal Era. Her heart tightened painfully.

She leaned her head back against Sesshoumaru's chest, noting absently that it didn't hurt, and settled back to watch the sun set fire to the horizon.

The magical cocoon of the night was melting away quickly, and whatever transformation had taken place was coming to a close as well. But for now, Sesshoumaru's hand settled lightly on her belly.

"A word of warning," he breathed in her ear. "Battle plans never survive first contact with the enemy."

Kagome knew that to be true. "Life isn't a battle, Sesshoumaru. Not where I come from. Anyway, I can hope. Things should go a lot smoother now that Naraku is dead."

It seemed even now their intimacy was fracturing, because Sesshoumaru leaned back and said nothing more.

Too soon, the sun had risen past the horizon. Moko-moko gently unwound from her, leaving her to face the crisp air in her torn sweater and barely-there jeans.

With a sigh, Kagome rose to meet the new day, careful not to jostle Sesshoumaru more than necessary. He did not attempt to talk to her any more, and she thought it only polite to ignore him back as she went through a series of stretching motions. There was the habitual stiffness after a night spent outdoors, but none of the crippling pain any longer.

More importantly, her skin was back to its normal state. If her flesh seemed a little firmer, her skin tone a more even gold than usual, she put it down to the fancies of the night before. She did not feel transformed. Maybe Sesshoumaru had been wrong and the jewel had simply burned itself out inside her.

She did not look behind her as she went to the river to wash. Already the night was melting away like a dream, and she knew that nothing could come of it.


	3. Accustomed to the Dark

Hi everyone. Just because the question has come up: I have not given up on this story. I'm just insanely busy, and the chapters are long, so updates will not be quick. There is a link to a Livejournal post in my profile where I manage my updates. Whenever I write anything in this, I update that post, so if you're interested in the story progress feel free to check that out.

.

* * *

.

_~Accustomed to the Dark~_

When Kagome returned from her bath Sesshoumaru was in full armor again. He met her eyes with his usual expressionless detachment.

He looked like a stranger, more statue than man, and her heart felt inexplicably heavy at the sight of him.

She folded her hands in front of her, searching for something to say. "You are not coming back to the village with us?"

"I have responsibilities in the West that cannot be delayed any longer."

Of course he did. Same as she, Sesshoumaru was not his own person. She knew that now.

The sudden lump in her throat was something she did not want to examine any closer. "I see."

"Jaken will deliver Rin and Ah-Un to the fortress in two days' time," he continued, seemingly oblivious to her distress.

Kagome turned away. "I see," she repeated.

He leaned in, close enough that his breath feathered the side of her cheek. Kagome shivered. He still smelled like sunlight.

"Miko."

"Yes?"

"Should you alter your plans, you know where to find me."

Warmth bloomed inside her chest. "Thank you, Sesshoumaru. I don't think I will, but thank you all the same."

She wondered whether she dared to hug him goodbye, but when she turned he was gone and she could hear Sango calling her name.

It was probably just as well. Thoughts like these wouldn't do her any good where she was going.

x-x

It took a week for the village festivities around the death of Naraku to come to a close. For Kagome it was a bittersweet time, divided between her old friends, Kaede, and, oddly enough, Kikyo. By the end of the week she and the resurrected girl had struck up a tentative friendship, made awkward by the fact that Inuyasha still begrudged Kagome her use of the jewel. To make matters worse, Kikyo was unsure what to make of Inuyasha's intentions and so Kagome found herself playing go-between in a blossoming relationship that was as spiny and fragile as was to be expected with its troubled history.

Whatever bad blood may have remained between Kikyo and Kagome evaporated once Kagome realized that Kikyo was treating her as if she were the worldly, experienced one, even going as far as to call her nee-san in an unguarded moment.

The upside of this was that Kagome was able to lay to rest many old regrets and small resentments that had eaten away at her unnoticed over the years. The downside was that she did not get to spend nearly as much time with Miroku and Sango as she would have liked. To make matters worse, the news of her impending departure had devastated Shippo. He would not speak to her, even though he teared up whenever she was near. He even refused the offer of Kagome's last remaining packet of Pocky and no matter what she tried, he stubbornly failed to react.

Too soon the day came when she had to say her final goodbyes.

Kagome gave a short, halting speech about loss and courage and friendship that made her friends smile. She hugged everyone, even a still grumpy Inuyasha. Shippo, who had manfully held back his tears for the whole week, broke down and cried like the child he still was. It broke Kagome's heart, but she only had to think of her mother, whose heart had been heavy with worry and unshed tears for years, to know that it couldn't matter.

So she climbed down into the well, feeling strangely light without her destroyed backpack, and then she reached the bottom and stood there for a while staring blindly up at the round patch of white sky above her.

Eventually someone called out "Kagome-chan, are you still there?" in a half-disbelieving, half-hopeful voice.

Kagome didn't answer, because that would make the moment real.

Instead, she climbed carefully up again, then down, then back up when the vortex still failed to open.

She was aware she was behaving irrationally. Obviously, the time vortex was no longer working. She should have expected this kind of thing to happen, with the jewel no longer there.

She could not stop herself from trying again, though. The rational part of her was a tiny speck of light in a vast sea of chaos as her thoughts churned, collided with reality, then shied back again.

Eventually, night fell.

The patch of sky became a black circle studded with stars, and although Kagome had a crick in her neck from looking up, she refused to look down where fragments of white bone glinted in the hard-packed soil.

At dawn Miroku came and led her away.

She followed him docilely to Kaede's hut, and then she turned around and walked back to the well, and curled up on the damp earth at the bottom, staring blindly into the dark.

x-x

The voices were soothing, a steady backdrop to the grey hum of her own shapeless thoughts.

"Aren't you hungry, Kagome-chan? This is really nice soup."

"Come on, Kagome-chan, you must eat something."

"Kagome-chan, you'll make yourself sick. Please, just a little broth? For me? You're really making me worry, Kagome-chan."

Eventually Kagome ate some soup, because the voice held the same exasperated love as her mother's sometimes did.

x-x

The light was always the same inside the hut. It was hazy and grey and it went well with the numbness in Kagome's eyes. She could stare at dust motes for hours. Sometimes she shuffled into the outhouse when the need became too great, and sat there for a while. She didn't seem to mind the stink. She didn't seem to mind anything very much.

After two weeks during which Kagome lost an alarming amount of weight and seemed to slip even deeper into depression, Sango had had enough.

She dragged Kagome out into the cold sunlight and then to the river, where she shooed the village women away and waded into the freezing water, Kagome in tow. The stink of the girl's clothes was so bad by now that Sango had no reservations cutting them off her and letting them float down the river.

She was thankful to see that sheer temperature shock was breaking through Kagome's numbness the way none of them had managed before. The girl was blue-white with cold, eyes wide and teeth chattering as Sango dunked her into the water and proceeded to scrub her down.

"Now you listen to me, Kagome-chan," she said, furiously scrubbing shampoo into Kagome's hair. "I'm sorry that you don't get to go back, but it's not like it's a surprise, right? You knew it could happen. Your mother knows it could happen. At least they're not dead, and you're still alive too, even though one couldn't tell, looking at you right now."

Sango's own teeth had started chattering, but this was important. Kagome was looking at her and truly seeing her for the first time in two weeks.

"You're alive, Kagome-chan. And you have to go on now, because your mother couldn't bear seeing you like this and you know it. Do you understand me?"

Kagome nodded, fully awake now. Her shivers had turned into full-body shudders, telling Sango it was time to leave the river. She dunked Kagome again. A sobbing laugh escaped her as her friend came up sputtering and scowling with some of her old fire.

"That's the spirit," Sango encouraged through her own violent shudders.

"I- I'm s-sorry," Kagome said through rattling teeth, looking subdued.

"Don't be sorry," Sango said. She led the girl back to the riverbank and then they hurried back to the village and the warmth of Sango's hut where they arrived gasping and cold and laughing a little, because it was all so ridiculous and sad.

Sango dried Kagome down with cloth that Miroku had heated by the fire, and Kagome then helped her dry herself — still tentative, but no longer the limp puppet she had been.

They snuggled down in blankets in front of the fire, and Sango held Kagome like she would a child, and told her to live for her family, if she couldn't yet do it for herself.

"How did you do it?" Kagome asked.

Sango smiled and stroked her hair. "I had help," she said.

Kagome smiled back. it was sad and wobbly, but it was a real smile.

It was a beginning.

x-x

Now, three months later, Sango and Miroku were married, and Kagome's lingering sadness was slowly being replaced by an increasingly pronounced embarrassment.

It was not easy, living in a hut with a married couple. They were nothing but lovely to her, but she could not help overhearing their murmured conversations or the soft sounds of their lovemaking, no matter how discreet they were trying to be. Shippo and Kohaku must have heard quite a bit as well, but they did not seem to care. In that, he was the product of an era where families of ten or more lived together in the tiniest of spaces.

Kaede's hut was too small to accommodate her, and the old woman was so set in her routines, Kagome was loath to disturb her. Two months later, she switched to Inuyasha and Kikyo instead, hoping the other girl's subdued nature might make for quieter nights. It didn't. Inuyasha was as brash and outspoken in bed as he was everywhere else, and Kikyo had certainly loosened up, Kagome thought, unkindly. After a miserable fortnight, Kagome couldn't stand it any longer.

She wished she could get her own hut, but she was barred from that option by unspoken agreement. Her friends still thought her too fragile to leave unsupervised, and she didn't have the strength to fight them on this.

Maybe they were right. She still had days where she wished nothing more than to tie a stone around her legs and jump into the river where it was cold and deep. Those moments didn't last long, but the thought didn't scare her as it should. That in itself was worrying.

x-x

Kagome was leafing through her old physics textbook while Miroku and Sango snuggled in front of the hearth. Mechanics and thermodynamics seemed so simple now, and so useless here in this world of magic. Life in the village was all about human connection, something that had come so easily to her in the past. Relating to people, taking part in their lives had been her greatest talent.

Now it was gone and she was having trouble relating to her closest friends. She watched them converse in low murmurs, considerate of her apparent concentration on her book the way they never were of her sleep when they made love.

Miroku and Sango had lost a lot, but they had each other and that seemed to compensate for everything.

Kagome had never been petty, but seeing the closeness between the two of them, the tenderness, this bond that excluded the rest of the world… it contrasted too sharply with her own loss. They had a future, while she was still stuck in limbo. She should have been at home with her family. Instead, she was stuck here, unable to enjoy her freedom from the burden of her quest. She had abandoned her family, whether it had happened voluntarily or not. This was not what her life was supposed to be.

Suddenly, it was too much.

"Excuse me," she mumbled. She avoided their eyes as she rushed out of the door.

There was a long pause.

Sango sighed.

Miroku gave her a knowing look. "You should go after her."

"I want to, but I don't think I should."

"You got through to her before. She'll listen to you."

Sango frowned into her cup of tea. "It's not the same. Kagome has to work through this on her own. I wish I knew what troubles her. It's not just the well."

"I think it is. Kagome knows that she doesn't fit here. What's more, she doesn't want to fit. She doesn't want to become a village girl."

"I don't understand. She's been perfectly happy with us before, and she's been happy in the village, and times were a lot worse then. I don't know what's changed."

Miroku pursed his lips in thought. "Well, Kagome was always a visitor. She could go through the well and bring back ramen for us, and sweets and medicine. That tie to her home was always there. It reassured her that she could always go back."

"I never thought of it that way."

"Do you remember how she studied for school, even though she was so in love with Inuyasha? kagome has always been behaving like somebody who wanted to go back home after she was done. I don't think she realizes that herself, but she never planned to stay, not really."

"You should go talk to her," Sango said.

"I thought you wanted her to work this out on her own."

"If you're right, I don't think she can. She'll need help. You're a good listener, and you're neutral. I think I remind her too much of her mother."

Miroku shrugged. "I can certainly try."

"Please."

x-x

"You seem a little out of sorts, Kagome-sama," Miroku said, tilting his head like a compassionate bird.

Kagome laughed. "That's putting it mildly. I'm sorry I ruined your evening."

"You did nothing of the sort. You are still sad, that's understandable. Nobody blames you."

Kagome shook her head. They were so understanding and here she was, envying them their little bit of happiness after all they had endured, just because she hadn't found someone of her own to anchor her to the world, to make her care again. As if she could or should rely on other people for her happiness.

"It's not quite that simple," she said, because she owned these two, of all people, her honesty. "I looked at the two of you, at the life you have now, with all those little routines and the warmth… and I just went green with envy."

She looked up fearfully, waiting for the disappointment to creep into his face, but nothing happened.

"Go on," he said.

"There's nothing for me here," she said. "I know how that sounds — _you_ are here, and you're my friends, and I love you. But—"

"There's nothing for you to do here," Miroku concluded.

"That's not it. I could help Kaede. She's getting on a bit, and I'm half-trained anyway. I could lighten the load, and it would give Kikyo a little more time to think about what she wants to do, especially now that she's no longer… well."

"A virgin?" Miroku supplied, and grinned when she blushed. "Honestly, Kagome-sama, you should know by now that I am unshockable."

"Yes, well. Married life has changed you."

"Not that much. Nothing will change me so much that I can no longer recognize myself," he said softly. "But it's not the same for you, is it, Kagome-sama? Doing all those things you just listed would turn you into someone else entirely."

She looked up, tears in her eyes. She hadn't felt the urge to cry since the well. These days, she oscillated mostly between apathy, rage and embarrassment.

"I feel so selfish."

To he surprise Miroku touched her cheek, brushed a tear away. "Don't," he said grimly. "We've been traveling together for a long time, and I would like to think I've come to know you a little. Do you agree?"

"Sure."

"You have never broken the ties to your world. You kept bringing your books along and learning. You brought clothes from home and food and medicine. All the time you thought yourself in love with Inuyasha, you were planning to go back home the minute things were over."

"I… I never thought of it like that," Kagome whispered. "I just wanted to share things with you guys…"

Miroku smiled at her. "Yes you did. You are a very generous person. And I didn't say that you knew what you were doing. Still. Settling in the village would mean defeat; it would mean giving up everything you have fought for. You would no longer be the girl who visits from the future, you would be just a village priestess with an odd past. It's no wonder you're fighting it."

They sat in silence for a while, while Kagome's thoughts buzzed around her skull like angry bees. He was right.

"What should I do?"

"I wish I had an easy answer for you, or any answer at all. I don't."

She smiled at him. "It's okay."

"I wish I could open the well for you. I can't do that either. But as a friend, I want to help you find your place. So if this is not the place for you, then where do you want to go? Who do you want to be?"

"I want to be myself," she said, "but I want to grow, too. Anyway, it's a moot point. It's not like I have anywhere to go. Although… he did offer."

"Who did?" Miroku prodded.

"I don't really remember all of it. It was a really odd night, you know. _Really_ odd. I thought it was over, too, but in the morning Sesshoumaru came to me, and then he just made that offer and went away. I never thought I'd actually be in a situation where I'd actually want to take him up on it. It's silly, of course. I don't think he meant any of it. And I must be stupid, because I miss him anyway. Sometimes."

"Kagome-sama?" Miroku's voice sounded strangled. "What exactly did Sesshoumaru offer?"

She bit her lip in thought. "A place to stay, I think. I admit I was sort of confused after all the cuddling and the hot looks and everything, but I'm pretty sure he invited me to stay with him. There was a great deal of cuddling," she added wistfully.

"Well then," Miroku said brightly. "I don't see Sesshoumaru making promises he does not intend to keep. You could just accept, and see how it goes."

"I really don't think he meant that one," Kagome said stubbornly, then sighed. "We talked a lot. I think he used up all of his words for a year in one night. Did you know he used to travel a lot? Only he can't anymore. He didn't say, but I think he misses it. And he enjoys learning. He has a library, you know. Not just two scrolls in a box, a real library. Rin told me."

"I know," Miroku said in a curiously flat tone. "I saw some of it while we were there."

"How come you saw it and I didn't?" Kagome demanded.

"Sesshoumaru knew I was a man of learning. I don't think he knew about your taste for it back then. In any case, I only saw a small portion of his collection. The rest was restricted."

"I wish I could have seen it," Kagome whispered.

"You still can."

"No," she said with finality. Then she smiled at him, one of the sweet smiles of old. It made Miroku's heart hurt. "Thank you, Miroku-sama. You've given me a lot to think about."

It was a dismissal. Miroku rose and kissed her forehead, as he'd seen Sango do sometimes. "It's what friends do, Kagome-sama. I'll leave you to your thoughts."

She nodded.

He left. There was nothing more he could do here, and he had plans to make.

x-x

When Miroku returned to the hut, looking unsettled, Sango rushed to him.

"Did she say anything? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Miroku still looked slightly peaky. "She said a great deal, some of it… surprising. It appears that some odd things took place the night of the wish."

Sango grimaced. "Odd is right. Sesshoumaru was behaving very strangely that night."

"You told me. Kagome told me a lot more."

"Well?"

"It seems there was 'a great deal of cuddling' — her words, not mine — and she misses him, and he invited her to his home but she's sure he didn't mean it so she's not going. Although she would really like to."

Sango recognized the style of run-on babbling as verbatim Kagome easily enough. What surprised her was how open Kagome had been with Miroku about that night. She had not been nearly as forthcoming with Sango.

"Ah," said Miroku, recognizing the look, "but that's because she's afraid you'll judge her. I on the other hand have always been a lecherous reprobate, and as such have no room to disapprove."

"I would never judge her," Sango said hotly.

"I think she's simply erring on the side of caution with this. She values your opinion. Oh, apparently they talked a lot. I don't think I have heard Sesshoumaru conduct a conversation in all the years we have known him, certainly not for frivolous purposes. But Kagome doesn't lie. I think she is attracted to him."

Sango was not convinced. The idea of Kagome being attracted to Sesshoumaru after pining for his very different brother for several years was rather hard to swallow. Besides, Sesshoumaru, though beautiful, was also a cold fish. Kagome gravitated towards warmth and light; what she'd see in him was a mystery.

"If she is, it's since that night," Sango mused. "I know Kagome when she's in love. She wouldn't have been able to keep that to herself."

Miroku shrugged. "They were together during the wish — who knows what happened? You said yourself that Sesshoumaru was different around her afterwards. At any rate, she didn't tell me everything. And whatever happened between them, it wasn't one-sided. I am certain of that."

Sango could accept that. "What can we do?"

"We can send him a message."

"Do you think that's wise? Whatever happened between them might have been a one-off, by mutual agreement. Kagome seems to think that Sesshoumaru didn't mean his invitation. Wouldn't she know?"

"At the moment, Kagome is blinded by guilt and she certainly does not value herself very highly. Besides, she has never been very astute in her dealings with males of any race."

"That's true."

"We will have to nudge things along some. And we will have to include everybody, or we'll never hear the end of it."

Sango nodded. "You seem to have thought this out already," she said.

Miroku inclined his head. "I try."

"So, how do you want to go about it?"

"We will send Sesshoumaru a message stating that Kagome is ill."

"That's a lie."

"It's an exaggeration."

Sango shook her head. "I am not so sure Sesshoumaru knows the difference. Are you prepared to live with the consequences if he decides to retaliate?"

"I don't think he will."

"Are you prepared to gamble the village on that?"

"I am prepared to do a lot to secure Kagome's happiness," Miroku said. "As you are. Besides, I believe in Sesshoumaru's restraint."

"He is a _predator,_" Sango bit out.

"He is a politician," Miroku said. "He would never indulge an impulse, no matter how angry he is."

Sango had to concede the point. "There is still cold-blooded retaliation."

"From what Kagome said, I believe she is important to him. You believe it too."

"Possibly," she said.

"If he comes to see her, it means she is important. He won't flatten the village, not if he cares for her."

"It's still a gamble."

"Yes." Miroku leaned back. "You decide."

Sango glared at him, but he knew she'd come around. Satisfied, he leaned back and waited.

x-x

It took Kagome the better part of a week to realize that something odd was going on. She had taken up working with Kaede part time. The light work exhausted her so much that Sango and Miroku's lovemaking during the night barely bothered her anymore. She slept like a log.

Her new workload brought with it several errands a day. Trips through the village, walks through the woods for herb gathering, walks to the river — wherever she went she ran across her friends, huddled suspiciously together.

At first she thought they were following her.

However, they made a big show of breaking apart whenever she encountered them, and slowly it dawned on her that they were trying desperately to avoid her, and not succeeding.

They were clearly planning something that had to do with her. She wondered if it had something to do with the talk she'd had with Miroku, then decided it couldn't. Miroku had always been good at keeping confidences. They were probably planning something silly to cheer her up.

She'd rather they did not bother, but if it made them feel good, she wouldn't want to deprive them of their enjoyment.

x-x

After a long morning of powdering dried herbs with mortar and pestle, Kagome's back was hurting something fierce, and her stomach was protesting her missed breakfast rather loudly.

It was time to go scrounge up something to eat, she thought with distaste, or Kaede would scold her when she returned from her morning round of the village. She wasn't hungry. She never was, these days, but she was accustomed to forcing enough food down to forestall an intervention.

Drawing a thin shawl around her shoulders she slipped out of Kaede's hut, and squinted into the watery sunlight. It sure was cold today. And quiet.

Oddly quiet.

Even the birds were silent.

A wave of youki flooded her senses, so strong and familiar it took her breath away.

She looked over her shoulder out of instinct; when she turned her head Sesshoumaru stood there, scowling at her.

She gaped at him while something cold and hot and stinging unfurled in her stomach.

He still said nothing, though his scowl certainly became more pronounced. He sniffed the air delicately. His eyes narrowed to mere slits.

"Well, hello to you too," she said crossly.

"Hello Kagome!" Rin piped up.

Kagome blinked, startled. She had to sidestep Sesshoumaru's looming bulk to even see the girl. Rin appeared to have hit another growth spurt. She was clad in a kimono fit for a little princess, with an elegant hairdo to match, and she was waving enthusiastically. At least that hadn't changed.

Jaken stood next to her, and Ah Un towered over them both. The dragon huffed in welcome, and to Kagome's consternation, even Jaken inclined his head in greeting.

"Hello Rin," she said weakly. "Jaken. Ah Un."

Sesshoumaru, obviously unused to being ignored when he stalked someone, took a menacing step forward. Something smoked and sizzled in his fist.

Kagome looked down at his claws just in time to see a middling-sized linen pouch dissolve into foul-smelling sludge.

"What are you doing?" she asked, alarmed. "Were those _herbs_? What's going on?"

"Allow me to congratulate you on your speedy recovery," Sesshoumaru said flatly.

"My _what_?"

"There are two alternatives," he said with a calm that didn't fool her for a minute. Sesshoumaru was livid. "One: you are dying of consumption. Your lungs are inflamed, you are coughing blood, your fever is beyond the skills of your village healer, and you have mere days to live."

Kagome's eyes widened with the beginnings of understanding. Heat shot into her cheeks. "Oh god. Who told you…"

She turned her head, suddenly aware that they had gained a captive, if cautious, audience. Inuyasha was there, and Sango and Miroku. Shippo, cowering behind the monk's legs, alternated between fearful glances toward Kagome and longing looks at Rin. Kagome pinned her friends with a Look.

"_Which_. One. Of. You…" she began, only to be interrupted as Sesshoumaru took hold of her chin and brought her eyes back to his.

"Two," he continued, unperturbed, "You are in fact healthy…"

"Well, I'm definitely not _consumptive!_" Kagome muttered.

He rubbed his thumb across her lower lip, silencing her. "Two," he repeated. "You are healthy, and somebody has played a very ill-advised joke for which they will be amply… compensated."

Kagome stared at him. Her knees had gone weak for some reason, and she had an odd urge to lick the thumb that was still lightly caressing her lower lip. Would it taste salty, she wondered.

With considerable effort, she forced herself to snap back to attention.

"I can't let you kill my friends," she said apologetically, relieved when he moved his hand from her chin to settle on the join of her neck and shoulder, where it felt heavy and warm, but no longer as intimate. "Mostly because they are _traitors_ and I want to kill them _myself,_" she bit out, turning to look over her shoulder. "Which one of you was it?"

Sesshoumaru smirked, and she felt that cold, cold rage in his aura abate a bit.

Miroku spread his hands in a placating gesture while Inuyasha merely rolled his eyes. "It was all of us, Kagome-sama. I assure you, we have only your best interests at heart."

Inuyasha was less circumspect. "Stop making a fuss," he said gruffly. "The asshole came, didn't he? Now you can stop pining. Jeez."

"Maybe I didn't want to stop!" Kagome yelled, then pressed her lips together furiously.

Kirara mewed.

Sesshoumaru exchanged looks with the cat, then turned back to Kagome.

"You smell unhappy," he said in a tone so low-pitched, Kagome knew it was meant for her alone. "You are too thin."

Kagome bit her lip, embarrassed.

"The well closed," she muttered by way of explanation.

"I gathered," Sesshoumaru said. "Something like that was bound to happen."

"What? _Why?_"

"The wish," he said simply. "There has to be balance. Compensation, if you will."

Out of the corner of her eye, Kagome saw everyone leaning in, trying to catch their conversation. Inuyasha's ears were tilted their way, fairly twitching with effort. She scowled at them.

"I don't get it," she told Sesshoumaru.

His hand moved to settle around her neck as he leaned in, recapturing her attention. The cool winter sky reflected in his eyes, turning them into mirrors. Her gaze slid to his mouth. It was as seductive as she remembered, and so close…

She did not even have to look to know her friends were staring.

"The happiness that you gained for your friends, you paid for with your own misery," Sesshoumaru breathed against her cheek. "And the sacrifice."

Kagome swallowed back the sudden lump in her throat. Her unnatural depression, the apathy she could not seem to shake, the uncharitable thoughts about the people she loved… It all suddenly made a horrible sort of sense.

"I had to give up my way home," she murmured.

"Yes."

"But—"

His thumb was stroking the side of her throat, his hair feathered against her collarbones, and the brush of his mouth, now at her temple, was making her dizzy.

"Would you have made a different wish, had you known?" he asked lightly.

"No!" she exclaimed automatically. Then, after a moment's deeper thought… "No."

He straightened, a satisfied gleam in his eyes.

"What now?" she asked in a small voice. She felt adrift, but at least now she had a reason and was no longer stumbling around in the dark. With time, she could accept things and move on.

"Come with me," Sesshoumaru said.

It scared her how much she wanted to. He could push her off-balance so easily. She wondered whether it was a game to him, something he would tire of once this odd tension between them settled and he no longer found her intriguing.

"I don't know," she murmured.

"There is nothing for you here," he said bluntly.

"There could be." The lie tasted like ashes in her mouth.

He considered her. "I have a library of considerable size," he said.

Her lips quirked up. "What are you really offering?"

"A challenge," he said evenly. "How about it, miko?"

She took a deep breath and met his eyes. "A challenge for you or for me?"

He smiled, all teeth. "Both."

Kagome pushed herself to her toes, feeling more alive than she had in months, and brought her lips to his throat. "You're on."


	4. New Beginnings

_~New Beginnings~_

Even partly obscured by frothy clouds, Sesshoumaru's fortress offered a breathtaking sight.

Kagome pushed sodden wisps of hair out of her face—who knew clouds would be so chilly and wet up close—and strained to get a better look.

The airy white structure was not subject to the limitations of traditional wooden architecture, though the buildings intertwined, their curved roofs overlapping in intricate ways.

The sprawling fortress was only summarily anchored to the mountainside. Most of it extended into the air, suspended on wisps of cloud and magic. Carefully raked gravel paths snaked away from the base of the building and into thin air, joined by delicate arched bridges at irregular intervals along the way.

Each path ended in its own island, every one different, all floating around the fortress like so many water lilies in an invisible pond. Not even the seasons seemed to match; a grove of blooming cherry trees was partially obscured by a glittering snowscape. And... were those polar bears? Kagome craned her neck so hard she nearly fell from Sesshoumaru's youki cloud.

His hand slipped around her waist and pulled her hard against his body. She felt moko-moko snake around her legs for good measure, pressing them even tighter together.

"Careful," Sesshoumaru breathed. His lips felt scorching hot against the chilled skin of her forehead.

She would have blushed, except she was so cold her blood had long since retreated to the center of her body, leaving the rest of her to freeze.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. "It's just—this is incredible!"

She turned around in Sesshoumaru's arms, more sedately this time, to watch the landscape unfold as the last of the clouds parted before them.

The floating gardens were stunning to behold. Held suspended by magic, and most likely strengthened by Sesshoumaru's own youki, the gardens were small, complete worlds, ranging from Greek olive groves to a patch of tropical forest. Their edges faded into mist, leading Kagome to believe that maybe they were larger than it appeared from the outside.

The last time she had visited Sesshoumaru, their party had made the last leg of the journey by foot and from below the gardens had been obscured by roiling clouds. She had not even known they were there.

Kagome wondered whether it was all an illusion. After all, even if Sesshoumaru's reputation didn't prove enough of a deterrent, everyone seeing such a lavish display of magic and power would think twice about attacking his holdings. For all she knew, it was customary to treat visiting dignitaries to such displays. Every palace and fortress ever built by human rulers served the same purpose after all: intimidation as well as protection.

And yet, her miko powers were tuned finely enough that deception on such a large scale would feel ever so slightly wrong. She felt only wonder at the sight. She had not felt like this since her first Tanabata as a little girl.

She turned to Sesshoumaru. "It's no illusion, is it?"

He examined her upturned face for a long minute. "No."

Despite the buffeting winds, his low-pitched voice had no difficulty reaching her ears. Of course, that might have had something to do with the way his lips brushed her temple as he spoke.

Excitement coursed through her, a deep fiery thrill she had no wish to examine closer. Clearly, she had a problem.

For all his power, she had thought Sesshoumaru to be fairly normal, as youkai went. This… well, it showed him to be exponentially more powerful than she had assumed. Opaque at the best of times, he now was more of a mystery than ever.

She should have been frightened. She should have concentrated on her freezing ears, and the feeling that they were about to fall off, if they hadn't already. Instead, she had never felt more alive.

x-x

Sesshoumaru's home had floor heating.

Kagome had forgotten that small detail. She was now forcibly reminded of the fact as the heat slowly worked through the soles of her shoes to her chilled feet. She endured the pinpricks of returning circulation with gritted teeth.

Sesshoumaru had released her as soon as they were safely inside the walls—too late, judging by the conspiratorial winks Shippo was sending her way, and Rin's intrigued stare.

Kagome ignored them all as she looked desperately about her. Now that her body was adjusting to the switch from cold and wet to cozy heat, she suddenly needed quite desperately to pee. She bit her lip.

At a gesture from Sesshoumaru, Jaken rounded up the children and shooed them down the hallway.

Kagome gave a small sigh of relief. Then Sesshoumaru turned to her and, to her dismay, looked her slowly up and down.

She did not need a mirror to understand what he must be seeing. Her hair hung in sodden chunks down her back and the rest of her was equally bedraggled. She realized with dismay that she was dripping on Sesshoumaru's shiny hardwood floors. And then she could not help noticing that Sesshoumaru himself was completely dry, his hair tame and silky as ever.

"You will want to change," he told her. "Appropriate clothing has been laid out in your quarters."

Kagome waited for him to continue. However, he seemed content to watch her with that blank gaze. She pressed her legs together surreptitiously and tried not to squirm. The last thing she needed was to lose control of her bladder right here in the hallway.

"Er, where…?" she trailed off miserably.

Sesshoumaru blinked, smirked faintly, then turned on his heel. "Follow me," he said.

The way was long and intricate and Kagome was too preoccupied to make an effort to remember any of it.

When they finally arrived, she was past maintaining appearances. She did a funny little dance while Sesshoumaru took his time sliding open the screen door, then pushed past him with barely a glance over her shoulder. She did not see him turn away, and, more importantly, did not see him leave with a minute shake of his head, or the unexpected smile that slid across his face only to be frozen and smashed back into oblivion once Sesshoumaru realized that his face muscles had acted without prior intent for once.

A few minutes later, Kagome emerged from the connecting water closet feeling light as a feather and strangely benevolent towards the world and her place in it. Ah. Indoor plumbing.

A flushing water closet, no less!

She must remember to ask Sesshoumaru how he came by his anachronistic appliances. But for now, she really needed to change. Her sodden clothes were chilly and wet.

She looked approvingly around the room.

It was small and filled with golden light that had a nearly tangible presence.

The last time she had visited, their party had been housed in huge quarters meant for visiting dignitaries. Her rooms had been dark and austere and so expensively furnished that she had felt inadequate and out of place. She did not doubt that had been Sesshoumaru's intention.

Her new room said a lot about how his opinion of her had changed, and clearly his understanding of her had grown as well. She bit her lip in delight as she took in the details.

The light flowed in through generous windows, and was reflected by the pale Nordic woods that made up the floor and the wall paneling. A generous futon took up nearly half the floor. It was covered in sea-green silks, pale linen and creamy furs. She counted seven pillows of various sizes, a coordinated wash of color that flowed from turquoise to deepest indigo.

It was the biggest, most seductive bed Kagome had ever seen. She realized belatedly that she was still wearing her wet clothes and shivering in the draft from the still open screen door.

Absently, she closed the door and began to peel her soaking sweater away from her skin. The jeans were harder to remove but she managed.

As Sesshoumaru had promised, a beautiful pair of kimono was carefully draped across a floor pillow at the foot of the bed.

On a raised dais of white stone tile, a silver bathtub steamed gently. Next to it lay a soap bar, and a luxurious pile of linen towels. On top of the towels lay a freshly picked poppy. Kagome picked it up.

It truly was a poppy, and in the middle of winter, too. The vivid red bloom was striking against the soft colors of the room. Kagome stroked a finger along one fragile petal and wondered how her life could have turned into _this_ in the space of a single day.

She carefully laid the flower aside and, with a soft sigh, sank her hands into the hot water.

Heaven.

There was not even a need to rush her washing routine. It was no bath in a hot spring, but it was the next best thing. The room was wonderfully warm for the season; even the stone tiles were warm beneath her chilled feet.

The bath water was precisely the right temperature and Kagome lost all sense of time as she soaked until she was wrinkly and the water had grown tepid.

Once she was finished, she wrapped herself in one of the towels and just stood there, savoring the warmth of the sun on her face. Already she felt more alive than she had felt in ages. She had thought she's lost her ability to live in the moment. Apparently, she had only misplaced it for a while.

Besides, it was impossible to feel sad in this room, she decided, looking around her in languid satisfaction.

A flash of yellow caught her eye.

There in the corner, charred and half-melted, lay her backpack. She had seen it sink in a pool of toxic sludge and thought it destroyed in the final battle. Clearly, though, it hadn't been completely annihilated, and Sesshoumaru had found it.

Sinking to her knees, Kagome reached for it with trembling fingers.

Slowly, barely able to swallow past the lump in her throat, she peeled away the melted edge of the material and peered inside. A faint scent of smoke teased her nostrils. Sesshoumaru must have had the backpack cleaned. Youki had been used to burn away any traces of poisonous miasma. It sizzled like electricity along her skin as she pulled out an oblong plastic case and opened it.

Her toothbrush, still intact. Further digging produced her toiletry kit. It was only singed a little around the edges and contained among other things toothpaste, soap and a small bottle of shampoo. Sadly, the last of her tampons had vanished without a trace, but she was delighted to see that her razor was intact, even though the blade was doubtlessly too dull to use for much longer. Two pairs of pajamas, only lightly singed.

Little else had survived, but she found half of the lacquered bento box her mother used to pack her lunches whenever she visited, and for a minute she cradled it in her hands, remembering Mama's oden. Her smile. The way she always found the right words for her frightened, overwhelmed daughter.

Unbidden, the tears exploded out of Kagome in a violent rush. She clutched the damaged box as she convulsed in loud, broken sobs.

And as soon as it had started, it was over. The heartbreak remained, a little seed of sadness, but it did no longer cripple her.

Kagome blinked. Outside the window, the impossible gardens floated gently above the clouds and in that moment she believed without a doubt that she would see her family again. There were always ways; she only had to find them. She felt like she were floating in the honeyed light.

From the way Sesshoumaru had left, she deduced he did not require her to be ready at any particular time. She would wait for her hair to dry, and maybe take a nap.

x-x

Kagome had not expected her nap to last until the next morning. The first thing she saw as she woke up feeling hungover was Jaken's disapproving face. Her bed was shaking.

"Earthquake!" she exclaimed, jolted awake by the familiar sense of fear, and fell out of bed taking Jaken with her.

Her surprised squeak drowned out Jaken's indignant screech.

Shippo giggled. Kagome turned her head just in time to see him launch himself in the air and land back on the bed with a thud. She shook her head, torn between the delight at seeing him so happy and the wish to kill him on the spot.

She settled on indignance as a safe middle road. "Shippo! Get down from there!"

"Off," Jaken grunted, pushing ineffectually at her shoulders.

Only then did Kagome realized that he was effectively buried under her.

"Oh. Sorry," she murmured, staring down.

"_Jaken,_" another voice said at the same time. Frostily.

"Oh," Kagome said again as she was lifted bodily off the retainer, who scrambled back, a look of horrified apology on his face.

"_Sesshoumaru-sama!_" Jaken squeaked.

Kagome took pity on him.

"Morning, Sesshoumaru," she said, valiantly inserting herself into the line of fire.

Sesshoumaru turned her unceremoniously around by the shoulders.

"Out," he said. "Not you," he clarified at Kagome's puzzled glance.

Jaken vanished. Shippo attempted a stealthy retreat, only to be stopped by an arctic gaze.

"Later," Sesshoumaru promised.

Shippo fled.

Kagome suppressed a smile.

"You still look tired," Sesshoumaru said disapprovingly.

Well, _thank_ you, Kagome thought, but was awake enough to refrain from actually saying it. "I have no idea why," she said. "I slept really well."

"The first time in weeks, no doubt," Sesshoumaru said.

What was she supposed to answer to that? "The room is wonderful," she told him. "Who do I have to thank for the bath?"

He didn't answer. Kagome realized that he was taking in her clothes: the skimpy top she had worn to sleep and the pajama bottoms with jolly elephants on them. A small portion of her thigh was visible where a bit of the material had been burned away. His gaze settled there, hooded and growing brighter?

Her heartbeat accelerated. "Thank you so much for finding my backpack," she said.

He tore his eyes away from the spot of skin to fix them on her face. They were blazing like twin suns. "Breakfast is served," he said.

"Er, I'm not that hungry," Kagome whispered, mesmerized.

Sesshoumaru scowled. "You will eat. Now."

"I'm not dressed," she said. "I just woke up!"

"Then get dressed," he said. "I will wait."

"You don't have to! I'll come down as soon as I'm done."

Sesshoumaru smirked and the glow abated a little. "Are you suggesting I should leave to wander alone in search for breakfast? You'll starve."

He had a point. Kagome knew she should feel offended anyway, but for some reason she couldn't muster the energy. The day had already exhausted her and it was just beginning. "Five minutes," she said. "I'll hurry."

"I appreciate it," Sesshoumaru said drily.

"Careful," Kagome said, picking up her toothbrush. "I think I've just about had my dose of sarcasm for the day."

"What happens when it is exceeded?" Sesshoumaru inquired silkily.

"Oh, I don't know!" Kagome muttered, exasperated. "I don't plan my threats out in advance, like you do! I promise I'll think of something, though."

"I don't doubt it," Sesshoumaru said. "You are resourceful enough." Although he looked as blank as ever, Kagome got the impression he was enjoying himself.

"You bet I am." She threw the kimonos carelessly over one arm and stomped towards the water closet.

"I do hope you will think it out properly when the time comes," Sesshoumaru said in encouraging tones. "I would not wish to be the target of shoddy revenge. It's demeaning."

"Gah!" Kagome said, wishing there were doors she could slam. Unfortunately, there was only the screen door, which she had to close carefully least she damage the beautiful paper.

Soon enough, she was distracted by the delights of plumbing as she carefully squeezed toothpaste unto the brush and held it under running water. The first taste of toothpaste was heavenly. Kagome groaned.

Outside the door, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes.

x-x

Breakfast was painful. Sesshoumaru had been nearly playful with her in the morning, but all traces of that were gone by the time breakfast was finished. Sesshoumaru was again the implacable lord.

He clearly took his role as head of the household very seriously. While a flurry of servants cleared away the dishes, he turned to the children.

"Your mornings will be filled with calligraphy, poetry and basic weapons practice. You will be tested weekly against each other in one of these subjects."

"But… that's unfair to Rin!" Kagome said.

Rin patted her hand. The grin on the girl's face was full of teeth. It looked disturbingly sharklike.

Sesshoumaru blinked at Kagome. "Ah. You are very fond of that word as I recall," he said. Shippo snickered, earning a glare from Kagome.

"Life is a constant struggle of mismatched forces," Sesshoumaru continued, ignoring the silliness. "If Rin has to defend herself, she will likely come up against considerably stronger opponents. Only strict lessons can ensure that she will win."

He sort of had a point there. Again. "I see."

"Only the strong survive!" Jaken interjected unnecessarily.

"Or the intelligent," Kagome muttered.

"Cunning is an integral part of strength," Sesshoumaru said. "Jaken, that will be enough. You may leave," he continued, addressing the table at large.

Everybody scurried.

"Miko. You will remain."

Kagome sat back down.

"We have not yet discussed you," Sesshoumaru said.

Kagome swallowed. "Me?" She really did not wish to go through combat and meditation training. The boys might enjoy those things and Rin was proving to be a surprisingly bloodthirsty teenager, but Kagome had had enough of battles to last he a lifetime.

"You require a purpose," Sesshoumaru said, interrupting her panicked train of thought. "You said you wished to continue expanding your knowledge. As I have already mentioned, I own an extensive library. I am prepared to aid you in your studies to a reasonable extent."

So he remembered the conversation they'd had in the forest. Apparently, he had paid closer attention than she had assumed. "I suppose so," she admitted. "I wouldn't want to keep you from your work, though."

Frankly, studying with Sesshoumaru sounded like an absolute nightmare.

"Unlike many, you have the luxury of choice," he pointed out. "Do not be sidetracked by misplaced consideration."

Did he include himself in that group of many, Kagome wondered. After all, his choices had been severely limited once he had become lord. Viewed from that particular angle, it was more than generous of him to provide her with options that were now closed to him.

"I know that, Sesshoumaru," she said warmly. "And it's very nice of you to make it possible. It's even nicer to offer your help, and I'm really grateful."

Terrified was more like it. But she supposed she was grateful, too. He was prepared to sacrifice his time for her. That insidious warmth bloomed in her belly again, mixing with the apprehension.

Sesshoumaru eyed her with disfavor. "What a bland word. I assure you, I am not nice."

Kagome suppressed a smile. He sounded so disgruntled. "Generous, then," she amended. "Still, I 'd like a moment to think about what exactly it is that I want to start with. Is that all right? I wouldn't want to waste your time."

"Very well," he said. He sounded angry. "When you have decided, you may search me out." He pinned her with an icy glare. "Do not treat such opportunities lightly, miko. Even though you now have unlimited time, I would advise you not to become wasteful of it."

On that cryptic note, he left.

Kagome stared after him, dismayed. What had she done to make him so angry? She had never known him to be so volatile. And what was it with that remark about time?

Seriously, these days Sesshoumaru was turning into one big riddle. He must have thought she had not treated his offer with the appreciation it deserved. But why? She was nothing but thankful.

What had set him off like that?

She fought down the urge to run after him and just pick a subject at random. She would not revert to her teenage ways. He would not thank her in the long run.

The best she could do right now was sit down and think really hard about who she wanted to be and what she wanted her life to be in the next few months.

Hopefully once she was done, she would find him in a better mood.

x-x

Sesshoumaru watched the priestess across the expanse of his desk. She was squirming restlessly on her cushion, and she had difficulty meeting his eyes.

"Have you decided how you desire to spend your time?"

"I want to learn about magic," she told her hands. They rested on her lap like captive birds.

This was only fifth on Sesshoumaru's list of likely answers to his question. He straightened, intrigued. "Magic is a varied and complex subject. Do you find a specific area particularly interesting?"

This time she met his eyes; the expression in her own held a faint note of challenge. "Time travel."

"I see," Sesshoumaru said.

She appeared surprised by that. "You do?"

"Certainly. If there is something I have learned about you during the case of our association, it is that once you have set yourself a goal, you do not give up lightly. Or at all."

She gaped at him for a moment. Then she blushed. "Thank you, Sesshoumaru."

The minute heating of her cheeks washed the delicate scent of her skin towards him. He found himself wishing to touch the pulse that fluttered in her throat, maybe trace the path of her blush with his lips.

He had not expected this attraction to grow so strong so quickly.

It was ridiculous, of course. Physical desire had never intruded on his focus before outside those times specifically allotted to satisfying it, and he did not intend to let it start now.

"There is no need to thank me. It was an observation, not a compliment."

Her lips pressed together. She appeared amused, another unexpected reaction. "Noted," she said.

"I feel I must warn you that time travel is not a common pursuit. I know of no successful attempts to bring it about. Your own success was due to the jewel, which has a mind of its own."

"I imagine you're right." She sighed. "Still, I want to try. And since you seem to think time is not an issue—which is weird, by the way—there shouldn't be a problem, right? You enjoy challenges."

"I am not the one who has to meet this particular challenge," Sesshoumaru remarked.

Kagome grimaced. "Touché."

"Which does not preclude me from aiding you," he went on. "Very well. Since you are have determined that this is your choice, it is important to verify the extent of your knowledge on the topic."

"Of time travel?"

"No. Magic."

Kagome concentrated. She wanted to do this right. "Most of it is herb lore. The rest are things you can do with blood, or youki, or holiness — bindings, like Miroku's sutras for example, possession magic, or the soul magic that Urasue and Yura did. Some youkai control the elements."

"What about the jewel?"

It was plain that she did not like to talk about the jewel. Sesshoumaru was pleased that she was making an effort nevertheless. "I think the jewel was special. I know that Midoriko created it, and supposedly locked herself away inside to battle those demons forever… That's not what I felt, though. Something must have changed since the jewel was created. I don't think the one Midoriko built would have been this powerful."

"And even though you were born with the jewel, and it has now transformed inside your body, you never thought to investigate further?" he prodded.

She had a tendency to ignore things that did not suit her. It would be best if she discarded that tendency quickly.

Kagome blushed. "I wouldn't have known where to begin," she admitted truthfully. "Besides, there was Naraku to worry about."

It was no excuse, and she knew it. Satisfied that she was learning, Sesshoumaru favored her with a nod instead of the tongue-lashing she appeared to expect.

"Very well. We will begin with the basics. Tell me everything you have learned about herbs."

Kagome settled back, relieved. It would be easy enough to talk to Sesshoumaru about the one aspect of her calling that she was reasonably knowledgeable about.

She took a deep breath and began, growing increasingly surprised as, after half an hour, she had not yet cleared the basics of her knowledge.

She turned out to know quite a lot, certainly more than she had expected. Apparently, Kaede had drilled enough into her that Kagome managed to fill several hours with recipes for remedial teas, teas against severe stomach ailments, contraceptive teas, poultices for battle wounds and colds, potions against fever and bite wounds as well as antidotes for various poisons.

Sesshoumaru listened intently, asking pointed questions when she failed to mention dosages or preparation methods precisely enough for his tastes. He advised her that shepherd's purse was a lot more potent when picked either at sundown or just before sunrise. It would work well enough to stop severe internal bleeding, something Kagome had thankfully never had to deal with. According to him, wood ear had to be collected by the new moon, and apart of freeing the lungs, it induced a pleasant drowsiness in powerful youkai.

He also told her things about the uses of shiitake mushrooms and patchouli that had her turning rosy, then red with embarrassment. Eventually, he declared her knowledge acceptable for the moment.

And then, he proceeded to qualify that statement.

"Your knowledge of poisons and antidotes is woefully underdeveloped," he said. "You are reasonably educated in the use of local plants; however, you know little about herbs from abroad, even less about magical plants and nothing about their use for relaxation and seduction."

It was an honest assessment, though, and delivered so matter-of-factly that Kagome could not take offense.

"Thank you," she murmured. "I do have one question."

"Proceed."

She was blushing again, but there was no helping that. "Why would I want to know about seduction?" she asked. "Aren't priestesses like me traditionally virginal?"

Sesshoumaru inclined his head at her. "That is an interesting question. I expect a written answer no shorter than a quarter scroll length tomorrow by midday."

Kagome stared at him.

"We have covered sufficient ground for today. Lunch will be ready soon. You will attend."

"Will you, er, attend?"

"No. I have work to do." He reached for a stack of scrolls and spread the topmost one out on the desk, effectively dismissing her.

Kagome fought off a sinking feeling. Of course he had work to catch up on. He had just spent hours of his work day on her, and now he would have to work late and miss lunch. Not that he actually _ate_ at such gatherings, ever, but he seemed to value time spent with his little family, and he was borderline obsessed with his afternoon tea.

"I'm sorry I kept you from your responsibilities," she said.

"I am sure you will reward me with diligence in your assigned tasks," he said, not looking up from his lecture.

"Oh. Okay. Would you like me to bring you your tea?"

He did look up then. Was that laughter in his eyes? It seemed ridiculous to think so, considering the rest of his expression was as stony as ever. Still Kagome could not shake the feeling that he was amused.

"You have an essay to write, and I suspect you will need every minute. I shall endeavor to manage."

It was then that Kagome remembered the fleet of servants. And of course, Jaken, who had a sixth sense where his master's wishes were concerned.

"That wasn't nice," she muttered.

"Of course not," Sesshoumaru replied, and bent back to his work.

Kagome sighed and shuffled off. She had work of her own to do and she wasn't looking forward to it at all.

Already, she felt as if she were back at school after missing half the term.

Joy.


	5. The Snowy Gleam of Plenty

A/N: Sorry about pulling the chapter yesterday -- it just wasn't ready when I posted it. Now it's a lot more polished and about 1500 words longer, and hopefully it makes a lot more sense.

I also have a request: if you have something to say about the story, please leave a review. I'm working without a beta and your opinions on what worked and what didn't are the only guidelines I have to make this a better story.

Thank you.

.

* * *

.

_~The Snowy Gleam of Plenty~_

Since Sesshoumaru was tied up with work, Rin volunteered to show Kagome the library.

Whatever Kagome had expected, it paled before the reality. A huge, open structure that stretched into the distance much farther than the eye could see, it was partitioned in smaller rooms so that it did not overwhelm. Irregular, lavishly carved shelves lined the space everywhere. The walls were made of a rough, translucent stone and the shelving melted into the stone, or grew organically from it; it was hard to tell.

Vines and tropical creepers covered every surface, interspersed with scentless, pale blooms. Kagome had never seen a library this size, much less one that looked like a jungle populated by books, and she was hopelessly charmed.

Despite the abundant plant life the air was dry and cool. When Kagome touched a spider orchid, its youki sizzled in her hand. Although Rin had no idea what climate control meant, she confirmed that the plants were controlling the temperature in the rooms and the humidity of the air.

There were alcoves everywhere, shadowed nooks and crannies where half-glimpsed objects of power glimmered seductively. Having learned her lesson with the jewel, Kagome knew better than to venture close to those but a part of her was drawn by the hum of power and wished very much to investigate.

Even so, the wealth of writings from every corner of the earth was enough to capture and hold her attention.

Rin beamed proudly as Kagome ooh-ed and aah-ed over everything from thin leaflets to huge illuminated tomes bound in leather and bark, silk and wood. There were magnificently ornate scrolls chased in gold and bronze, stone and even wax tablets full of childish scribbles.

Kagome touched an astrolabe and jumped when it lit up.

Rin patted her arm to calm her. "It does that," she said, and tugged Kagome onward. "You should see the big one. And the cactus."

Kagome saw the big astrolabe, which was made of gold and looked like it could reorder time and compute dna sequences, and the cactus, which was huge and in bloom and induced in Rin paroxysms of happiness. She could have spent ages merely browsing, but after a while Rin insisted on returning to a cozy chamber which was close enough to the entrance that Kagome could find her way out unaided.

"It's easy to get lost in here," Rin cautioned. "I have to go to lessons, but Sesshoumaru-sama has had a corner made up for you in here where you can work."

Kagome merely nodded as Rin made her polite farewells. She was too awestruck to do anything else and for quite a while after the girl had left, she was content to simply examine the room. It was smaller than the others, and not as cavernously high. Still, it had its own circular dome, a half-globe of glass and wood, displaying a splendid blue sky and the very tops of snow-capped mountains, overlaid with a hazy blue tint.

Surely if there was a place where she could be inspired to rediscover her love of learning, that place was here.

And Sesshoumaru had given it to her.

She'd wanted to hate him for his overbearing ways, for confusing her and then leaving her right when she'd needed someone who understood. She'd really tried. But in the end, she just wasn't good at lying to herself.

She'd told him she missed learning. He had been in her head; he must know how she missed worrying an interesting problem around in her mind just for the sake of a challenge, without having to worry that the wrong answer might get her or her friends killed.

He had even taken care that she had her own table in the library, and a chair. She even had a quill, imported no doubt, while the rest of the household had to make do with brushes.

The dome of honey-tinted glass turned the light milky and golden. The room was warmer than the larger archives Rin had briefly led her through. This was a place scholars over the ages would kill to be in, and Sesshoumaru had just offered it to her like it meant nothing.

He probably thought he was being kind and accommodating, everything a good host should be. It shouldn't be a problem to be accommodating back and deliver the essay he had demanded. After all, he would have to take time out of his busy day to read it.

It was all very reasonable.

If only he hadn't asked her to write about seduction, of all things.

Still, she owed it to him to try.

Gingerly, Kagome took a seat on the chair. It was competently upholstered and lovingly hugged her butt.

She wiggled around a little. The chair remained comfortable no matter how she sat on it. The desk was small, but just the right height and had a scroll paper dispenser installed on the far side.

Kagome grinned. This was the best working space she'd ever had. Feeling enterprising, she pulled out a length of thin parchment, picked up the quill, and tried desperately to remember how one went about writing an essay without the aid of schoolbooks and the internet or any other sources of knowledge.

Her happy mood fled as quickly as it had arrived.

Suddenly, that sparkling dome of glass loomed forbiddingly as she sat bent over an empty scroll, dripping quill in hand.

She chewed on the end of her quill, thoughts circling her head like slippery eel.

She would now think about her assigned subject. That should be a good start.

Virginity fed miko powers, wasn't that what she'd been told? Well, not told, as such. It was such a widely held belief that it didn't need saying out loud. It was just there, permeating the air.

Kaede had certainly never— Or had she?

Kagome suppressed a delicate shudder. She didn't want to picture it but it was certainly possible. Even Kaede must have been young and pretty sometime. Of course, she missed one eye. The men of the village were simple enough to spurn a worthy woman because of such a disability, even if she wasn't a miko.

It made Kagome feel selfish that she had never given a thought to what the old woman must have sacrificed in her long life of service.

Still, it felt like she finally had a thread of thought she could follow.

_It is widely believed_, she wrote, producing an unsightly ink spot right at the beginning of the first column, _that the power of a priestess hinges on her continued virginity_.

There. That summed it up nicely. Encouraged, she soldiered on.

_But does that belief hold up to closer scrutiny?_

Hah, a rhetorical question in the first paragraph. Encouraged, she soldiered on.

_The youkai women I have encountered in the course of my travels do not seem to have a problem with seduction. In fact, they often go out of her way to enhance their natural beauty with cosmetics and rich, frivolous attire designed to display all they have to offer a potential mate. Seductiveness appears to be only one of the weapons in a female youkai's arsenal, and like all their other ones, it is honed to perfection._

_On a lesser scale, it is the same with village women. Particularly the noble ladies we met seem to value their appearance of beauty and grace so much that they often forget to nourish the woman beneath it. While I have made it a point to ignore the social mores of this era, it is true that in the human world, a woman's worth is measured by what she can give a husband. In a world where the balance of power is so obviously skewed to the men, seduction is often the only way to wrest some of that power back. No wonder women value their appearance so — it is their only weapon._

_But they must wield it in secret, must appear meek and air-headed and wholly dependent on the men of their household, or they will be reviled, their good name dragged through the mud, forever tarnished._

_It is a weapon priestesses are forbidden from using. Why is that, I wonder? _

Now that she had put it in writing, it was suddenly very clear why. And Kagome understood why she had never been able to disdain youkai women for their blatant seductiveness, why the sight of them saddened her more than it frightened. Like human women, they were fighting for survival against male predators more powerful and cruel than their human counterparts. At least the men of the times understood that they needed women for procreation; male youkai however were so tremendously long-lived that they had little use for their women at all. Those she had met were hedonists, guided by their desires and an inflated sense of self-worth.

Even Kouga.

A seductive miko on the other hand, with her own goals and desires, became a threat to rival an army, as lethal to human soldiers as she was to youkai. Not as much because of the seductiveness itself but because of the confidence and sense of self that must come with it.

_Perhaps because with it, _Kagome wrote_, a priestess becomes a threat instead of a sacrifice. Because that is what every priestess in every village is: a virgin sacrifice, chosen to appease the spirits and eventually die so that her village can live. A priestess cares for her village and protects it, but she is not part of its extended family. She must remain an outsider, separate in her habits and her concerns, ready to die for her people with little regret. And she is not allowed to love because love would transform her from a girl into a woman—or worse, into a person. She cannot have a family, because she might place their well-being before that of her charges._

_At its core, seduction is born from want, from desire, from wishes and dreams and hopes and even fears. It is a private risk, and a priestess may not risk her body for herself, only for others. She is a vessel for other people's wishes and hopes and fears, so she is not supposed to have her own._

_A priestess may not be selfish. _

_She may not have a self that is separate from her duty._

Kagome thought of Kaede and swallowed back the knot of anger that had lodged in her throat. At least Kikyo now had another chance at life, and was using it well.

At twenty-three, Kagome herself had never been kissed the way she dreamed about, never been touched by someone who saw only her, someone who touched her because he couldn't help himself, who gave as much as he took.

And at least in part, it was her own fault, because she had never invited anyone to. She was a born in a liberated age compared to the times she lived in now, and yet she had fallen into the trap as easily as everybody else and had fought to maintain her worthless chastity long past its due date. As if she would become any less pure if she let someone touch and hold her with affection.

She glanced absently out the domed window and saw that the moon was well-advanced. It must be well past midnight — how much time had she spent here anyway?

She stretched with a sigh, and decided that it was time to go to bed. Her essay was not yet done, but Sesshoumaru had given her until midday, and a fresh start in the morning would serve her better than to keep going when she was so tired and emotionally spent.

x-x

The first rosy light of dawn was spreading across the horizon when Kagome woke up to cramps and a suspicious stickiness between her legs.

Please, she thought, don't let it be what I think it is! She had always been quite irregular anyway, and before the final battle she had just… dried up from stress and fear. Afterwards, the grief had worn on her even more.

She hadn't given a thought to this for months. She hadn't had to.

She fumbled in the half-dark, and with much cursing was finally able to light a candle. Its yellow flickering light told her that her cycle had indeed returned with a vengeance: she had stained her second to last pair of pajamas and some of the bedding. And then she remembered that her last box of tampons had evaporated along with half her yellow backpack in the final battle.

Several minutes of frantic thinking revealed that there was nothing much she could do. Rolling away from the wet spot she pressed a bunched-up washcloth between her legs and got up to get dressed. She might as well accost one of the female servants for more pads, then sneak into the library to work on her essay.

The pain would only get worse; any distraction was welcome.

Too bad Buyo wasn't here, she thought with a sigh. He would curl up against her back, his warm kitty body better than any hot water bottle, and purr her into sleep.

Well, Buyo was lost to her beyond the well, not even a lustful glint in his father's eye yet, so she would have to deal without him. She trudged out of her rooms and went in search of a servant. She had barely made an inroad into the labyrinthine collection of hallways that stretched out from her room when a honeyed voice from behind made her jump.

"Can I help you, my lady?"

A blue-haired kitsune woman bowed to her.

Kagome was so nonplussed at being addressed as 'lady' that she could only stammer a vague "Er… sort of?" and let the affable blue lady take it from there. Belatedly, she also remembered to bow back, which in turn seemed to puzzle the other lady.

"I am Akari, my lady," the kitsune said, after a moment's pause. "Are you missing amenities in your room? May I fetch you something?"

"Yes, something," Kagome murmured, red-faced. "You see, I have this monthly problem," she ventured, hoping that the kitsune would catch her drift, "and I am missing the appropriate… _means_ to deal with it."

"A monthly problem," Akari repeated. "What kind of problem?"

Kagome groaned. Red-faced, she explained as explicitly as she could about the bleeding.

Akari and was as helpful as Kagome would have wished. Once she finally understood what the problem was, she rushed to assist and in no time at all, she had provided Kagome with the desired pads.

"And this is normal in humans, yes?" she inquired in tones that might have been used in conjunction with dead relatives rather than a minor biological problem.

Kagome's affirmative answer seemed to shake her. She seemed genuinely appalled to learn that human women had to go through the torture of menses every month.

This seemed odd to Kagome, since judging by her armor and straight bearing, Akari was a soldier—perhaps one of the ghostlike guards in Sesshoumaru's employ, who remained invisible until it suited them to be seen. Someone like this shouldn't be squeamish about blood, but Akari wouldn't let it go and insisted on escorting Kagome all the way to the library.

With a helpful hand on her elbow.

As if she were an invalid.

Once there, it took Kagome another few minuted to extricate herself from the lady and her well-meaning commiserations. Akari even promised to come by in the evening and see how she fared.

To her delight, Kagome found that the library was noticeably warmer than it had been the evening before. She settled herself at her desk and was deeply in the throes of composition when someone cleared their throat right behind her.

She jumped and turned. "Oh, hello Rin!"

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Kagome-sama," Rin said, sketching a little bow. "I've come to fetch you for breakfast."

Kagome barely suppressed a grimace. "Thank you, Rin, but I think I'll skip breakfast today."

"Are you sure?" Rin looked troubled. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!"

Kagome smiled. "I'm sure. I'm just not feeling well right now— I'm sure I'll have my appetite back by lunch."

"I'm so sorry, Kagome-sama. If you tell me what troubles you I'll go ask Ai for a remedy. But I don't think you can skip breakfast."

"Why not?"

"You have already skipped supper yesterday."

"I haven't been very hungry." Kagome smiled again and tried to project reassurance. "I just have to work up an appetite again." She surreptitiously rubbed her belly. The talk of food was making her nauseous.

"You do that by not eating?" Rin inquired politely. "It doesn't seem to work very well…"

"Appetite doesn't like to be forced," Kagome tried to explain. "You know, when someone tries to make you eat things you don't like? The smell makes you sick, and sometimes it puts you off those things forever. Doesn't that happen to you sometimes?"

"Not really," Rin said. "I like _everything_. But not everybody's the same, so I understand when you say you just don't like eating. I don't like wolves, so that's okay. It doesn't matter though, because—" she bit her lip, suddenly reticent.

"Because what, Rin?" Kagome prodded gently. "It's all right, you can tell me. Whatever it is, I promise I won't be mad."

"But Sesshoumaru-sama might," Rin murmured.

"Nonsense," Kagome said, believing that utterly. "Sesshoumaru-sama is never mad with you."

"That's true," Rin conceded. "Well, so yesterday I wanted to fetch you, only Sesshoumaru-sama said we don't baby our guests."

Kagome frowned. Suddenly, Rin looked doubtful whether it was okay to share Sesshoumaru-sama's wisdom with an unappreciative audience, so Kagome smoothed her face out with an effort.

"Go on," she encouraged.

"Well, _then_ Sesshoumaru-sama said you won't miss breakfast, and he'll make sure you eat double the amount, so it will even out."

"Oh," Kagome said. It was that or yell.

"And then," Rin continued, warming to her tale, "_Shippo_ said good luck you'll have to sit on her for a week, and then Sesshoumaru-sama's eyes went all squinty, like _so_," Rin demonstrated with impressive accuracy, "and then Kohaku said as Shippo's elder I wish to shoulder whatever punishment he has brought upon himself with his thoughtless remarks, and—"

Kagome pinched the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger and sighed. "Thank you, Rin, I think I get the picture."

"So you'll come to breakfast?"

Kagome sighed again. "Eventually, I suppose. I have an essay to finish, and I'm sure Sesshoumaru will want to fetch me himself. I wouldn't want to deprive him of the exercise."

"Oh, but Sesshoumaru-sama has already practiced with is this morning! So he doesn't need exercise."

"A taiyoukai can never exercise enough, Rin."

"Did you learn that in miko school, Kagome-sama? Is there a course on taiyoukai?" Rin demanded innocently, her eyes aglow with hero-worship. "If so, I should like to go there and learn more interesting things about Sesshoumaru-sama."

Kagome patted Rin's head and resolved to carry out her fights with Sesshoumaru directly next time. "It was just conjecture, Rin. I think you're ideally placed to learn about Sesshoumaru-sama just where you are."

"What's conjecture?"

"Er… it's something we think we know but can't prove yet. An assumption that's very likely to be true, if you will."

"Ah," Rin nodded. "So if I put together the things I know about Sesshoumaru-sama with the things I think I know about him, I'll know more about Sesshoumaru-sama than everybody else, even miko?"

Kagome's eyes narrowed as she worked that out. "Er, yes. I think that's about right."

Rin nodded, satisfied. "That's okay then."

After Rin had left, Kagome forced herself to finish the essay. She might have been angry with Sesshoumaru, but that was its own separate thing, to be dealt with in a mature and sensible manner. Sesshoumaru's mother hen tendencies aside, he had to understand that she she was not a child and could not be managed as easily as Rin. Or at all.

While she waited, she set out to explore the library. Besides, moderate walking eased her cramps marginally and at the moment she'd take what she could get.

Here and there, she paused to touch the flowers growing on the walls, the various trinkets displayed on shelves and pedestals. If the objects were arranged after any particular pattern, she had trouble recognizing it. Gold jewelry, withered fruit, mosaic pieces, clepsydras—it was all arranged with an exquisite eye for color and shape but it made no sense whatsoever.

It was pretty, though.

Kagome was so absorbed that she nearly stumbled over a massive Corinthian capital that had been converted into a display stand. Kagome had a ridiculous mental image of Sesshoumaru dismantling temples so he could carry the pieces home as souvenirs. She giggled and bent to examine the painted stonework closer. Broken pieces of entablature surrounded it, each flat surface holding its own mysterious offering. A golden apple (in rather bad taste, Kagome felt), an olive branch, a flute, the curling horn of some massive animal…

As if it had felt her look, a flash of gold traveled up the length of the horn and glinted once on the pointed tip before vanishing. The stone beneath it shook once, prompting Kagome to draw back.

Without warning, a peach spewed from the mouth of the horn, smashing into Kagome's hip and from there down to splat into a juicy puddle on the floor.

"Hey!" Kagome protested.

An apple tumbled out of the horn, then a cluster of grapes rolled out and stopped just short of falling off the stone edge.

Something clicked in Kagome's mind. "A _cornucopia_?" she muttered incredulously.

The horn nearly seemed to hum with pleasure at being recognized.

"Er, hello to you too," Kagome said.

The cornucopia preened.

It didn't move, as such, and it certainly had no face, but the sense of pride was very present it the room. A small shower of cherry blossoms floated to Kagome's feet.

"Aw, you shouldn't have," Kagome said automatically. Still, some sign of appreciation was clearly required.

Unsure what the protocol was in these situations, Kagome gave the horn an awkward pat. "You wouldn't happen to do tampons as well?" she asked wistfully.

x-x

Sesshoumaru was cross.

An impromptu meeting with his generals had ensured that he'd missed breakfast, his breakfast tea, and the opportunity to order Kagome a double portion as promised and then force her to eat every bite. Military strategy was clearly above breakfast in priority, but he was still so focused on his displeasure with the world in general that, when he located Kagome in the library, it took him a moment to understand what he was looking at.

"That's really quite enough," Kagome was saying, in that faintly puzzled tone that she used when in one of her 'why me' moods. "Really, thank you very much."

Sesshoumaru smiled.

"Good morning," he said, delighted when she jumped.

The cornucopia was spitting out small cylindrical objects in a slow, determined stream. Kagome's gaze slid from the horn to him and back again—first in consternation then with growing horror, her blush slowly inching towards fire red.

Sesshoumaru was not interested in the cylindrical things. His brain had sluggishly fixated on Kagome's fetching blush, but now it was slowly computing the implications of the cornucopia's behavior. He had suspected, he had even planned for the eventuality, but he had not been sure.

Now he was.

The girl was a goddess. Not a youkai, as he had originally assumed against all probability, or another kind of immortal altogether, but a goddess.

The cornucopia only reacted to gods and their offspring — and, since Amalthea had given it to him as a present, it also made an exception for him although he was neither.

And now it had reacted to Kagome. Not only reacted, but made an _effort_. It had never made an effort for him, he thought testily. Clearly, she was a likable goddess, even if probably a minor one.

Even for the jewel, bestowing immortality must not have been easy. It could not create youkai, who were manifestations of nature, out of nothing. But as the jewel itself drew its powers from belief, it had apparently been able to bestow divinity. It must have planned things, searched for an unoccupied spot in the world-wide pantheon of gods and demigods, and finally found a non-threatening aspect that was not yet taken by another deity.

Sesshoumaru wondered what it was.

"Odd," he said, approaching the growing white heap. "It usually dispenses food."

Kagome's blush, already poppy-red, inched its way impossibly further towards outright incandescence.

The stream of white slowed to a trickle, then stopped. A plaintive meow could be heard, and then a white kitten burst out of the horn, landing on the heap and scattering the white things in all directions as it scrabbled for purchase.

Sesshoumaru picked up one of the cylindrical objects and secreted it away in his sleeve for further examination.

Kagome covered her face with her hands.

The kitten sat down and proceeded to lick its shoulder.

x-x

As busy as Kagome was wishing she had never been born, she knew she had to take charge of the situation before it could deteriorate further. Even though at the moment she could not imagine what that deterioration might entail, she was certain the demented gods who wrote her life had no such problems.

She determinedly forced her hands away from her face.

"Would you please explain," she said, feeling as if her brain were leaking out of her ears, "what is _going on_? Thank you."

"Simply put," Sesshoumaru said, "since you are a goddess, the Cornucopia reacted to you."

Kagome's head flew up. She dearly wished to strangle someone. Her hands must have been in agreement because they started glowing again, something they had not done since the night of the wish. Still, she did not quite dare to attack Sesshoumaru. He might just grow bored and kill her.

As if in response to her frustration, a thin, reedy thread of sound started behind her, swelling into a melody of unparalleled libidinousness. Surprisingly, her irritation melted into a vague lassitude, only to grow into a rather more pointed feeling of horniness. Kagome felt as if she were being rubbed against by thousands of lecherous satyrs who were also busy murmuring lewd suggestions in her ear, and while that was most certainly wrong, it also felt so _good_… when Sesshoumaru reached past her, picked something up and smashed it as hard as he could against one of the stone fragments.

Kagome let out a strangled squeak.

The music stopped abruptly. The pleasant, vaguely dirty feelings subsided just as quickly, leaving her reeling in reaction.

"Interesting," Sesshoumaru said. "Pan's flute reacts as well. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

"Er," Kagome said, "This is really not the time for jokes, Sesshoumaru. And where did you get a cornucopia from? Not to mention that dirty flute?"

"Crete and Arcadia," Sesshoumaru said. "Congratulations on your divinity."

"Wait, what?"

Her exclamation was met with an irritated snort. "Really, miko, at least attempt to keep up," he demanded. "The jewel made you into a goddess. There was a chance you might have turned into something entirely different—if you had, it would have been my responsibility and my privilege to end your life before you could do any serious harm."

"So what, you laid out traps in here to find out whether I was one or the other?"

"Something like that," Sesshoumaru conceded. He had done no such thing, had not expected her to manifest so early. Still, it paid to leave people in awe of you, so he did not correct her.

Kagome sputtered. "That's insane!" Then she quieted, grew contemplative. "Back then," she said and they both knew she was referring to the night of the wish, "you told me that I was simply becoming more myself. Was that a lie?"

"No. Whatever you will become, the core of you will not change. An immortal knows that."

"Well, since I'm supposed to be a new immortal, you must make allowances for me," Kagome joked weakly. "After you left… I thought you had just lost interest. Why did you come back? And why bring me here?"

"You were harming yourself in that village. As a new immortal, it was clear you would need protection, and room to grow." Or killing, he thought, but did not say it. He could not, did not want to destroy this fragile thing she had become. "I can provide that here. Besides, the children are better protected in my care."

x-x

It was hard to accept what he was telling her, but she had never known Sesshoumaru to be wrong before.

"It all makes a twisted sort of sense," Kagome muttered. "If I accept that I am a goddess now, that is. I must be crazier than I thought."

"On the contrary, miko, accepting the inevitable when it presents itself is a sign of mental health."

Kagome snorted. "What happens if I… I don't know, go bad all of a sudden?"

"You will not."

"Humor me."

"It will not happen."

"How can you be so sure? I've seen enough of Naraku and the influence of the jewel to know that power corrupts." It had been her greatest fear as a miko, once she'd realized the power she wielded. That she would slip slowly into evil without noticing.

"It is not who you are."

Kagome braced herself. "Still. If I am a goddess, and if I ever pick indiscriminate killing sprees as a lifestyle choice, I want your promise that you will kill me."

"Of course," Sesshoumaru said with a shrug.

Her feelings, already on a roller-coaster ride, plunged down again with a vengeance. She bristled. "What do you mean, of course?"

"It means that I will have no problems complying with your request if that happens. Which it will not."

"You're very sure that you can take me."

"Please," Sesshoumaru said.

"What? If I'm really a goddess, shouldn't I be stronger than you?"

"Not necessarily. I have killed several gods. Many of them are weaker than a strong demon."

Kagome refused to be sidetracked. "But I _could_ become stronger than you," she insisted.

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On what you are a goddess of."

Okay, that made sense too. "Do you know?"

"Not at the moment, though I could hazard several guesses."

"Like what?"

"Inappropriate inquisitiveness maybe," he suggested. "Or immature snits. It is too early to say."

"So you're saying that I could be the goddess of lost socks for all you know."

"That _would_ be amusing," Sesshoumaru conceded.

"That's very helpful. _Inappropriate_ inquisitiveness? _Really?_"

"Inappropriate cheerfulness is also a contender," he said.

Now that was just mean. She might have been a tad overoptimistic in her youth, but she hadn't been cheerful in ages.

"I'm not cheerful!" she cried.

"Not at the moment," Sesshoumaru admitted. "Still, you _are_ often unsuitably cheerful—a trait Rin has taken to emulating."

"I am not a bad influence!" Kagome shrieked. "I am self-sacrificing and pure and a damn fine archer!"

"Exactly my point," Sesshoumaru said. His eyes gleamed. "Be that as it may, your power will manifest itself in due time. Such things do not remain hidden for long."

"Let's hope I'm not the goddess of horribly infectious diseases then," she groused. "Anyway, it's all moot if your theory is wrong. I'm pretty sure I'm not a goddess."

Sesshoumaru sighed. "The cornucopia doesn't lie."

"It doesn't have to lie. Maybe it's just not working right. It's old, isn't it?"

"Not old enough to malfunction. I suggest you come to terms with reality, miko, and move on."

"I don't think I can come to terms with reality as long as you're pointing that smug smirk at me. Do you think you can go away to gloat on your own? I think I'm getting a headache."

"A lack of fluids, no doubt," he said. "For which your haphazard approach to nutrition is to blame."

"Yes, mother."

He peered at her. "I do not think you are so malnourished that your vision is affected, by which I deduct you were making an attempt at sarcasm."

Kagome growled.

"You should not do that, miko," Sesshoumaru cautioned her mildly. "You are not prepared to deal with the consequences."

"What? You'll kill me?"

Sesshoumaru smiled.

"You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm going to bed."

Sesshoumaru refrained from pointing out that it was in the middle of the day and she still had an essay to deliver. Instead, he knelt to examine the kitten as Kagome collected her cornucopia bounty and stomped away in a huff.

The kitten's forehead sported a very faint indigo crescent moon. It looked at him with an intelligent golden gaze and batted politely at an offered finger. A quick examination showed that the kitten was female and old enough for solid food.

"Your name is Miyu," Sesshoumaru declared. "Follow me."

They left the library with the kitten shadowing him at a lively trot, occasionally batting at the folds of his hakama.

x-x

Kagome spent a whole twenty minutes in bed before she remembered that she had to give Sesshoumaru his stupid essay.

A series of ill-tempered inquiries yielded the location of his office.

She stormed in without preamble and slammed the essay onto Sesshoumaru's desk. "Here."

Sesshoumaru delicately retracted an extended green whip. "I could have taken your head off just now," he pointed out conversationally.

"Then you're slowing down," Kagome returned, determined to be belligerent. It was that or cry.

"I would be, had I not noticed it was you," he pointed out smugly "Which I did. You make as much noise as a baby elephant."

"Oh, thanks. So what, you just routinely threaten your guests with beheading?"

"There's no need to look so disgruntled, miko. I was merely pointing out that beheading is a possible consequence of disturbing my work. And thank _you _for submitting your assignment in a timely manner. I am impressed."

"By what? You haven't read it yet."

"By your fortitude. You did not let your anger keep you from completing the work."

"Is that what you think of me? That I'm a child who gives up at the first sign of trouble?" Kagome took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. The cramps were so bad she just wanted to deliver her message and go curl up in a ball. "Moving on," she growled.

Attracted by the sound, the moko-moko crawled out of its corner and rubbed itself against Kagome's leg.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Kagome said, trying in vain to dislodge the clinging pelt. "I've worked it out and I can't be a goddess."

"You may visit again when you have worked through the denial," Sesshoumaru countered. "I have work to do."

It was a dismissal. Kagome turned huffily intending to leave. The moko-moko would have none of it. It slithered up her leg and around her waist.

She whirled back.

"Sesshoumaru," she hissed. "Your detachment is _molesting_ me."

He looked up from his work, clearly amused. "So you figured that out, did you?"

"What? That this…thing is your spare youki? Or that— that… it's rubbing itself against my— _Sesshoumaru!_"

"I recall that I told you not to growl. It excites youkai. Especially if a goddess does it."

"This thing is not a youkai. Call it back! And for the last time, I'm not a goddess! I have proof!"

"Ah?"

He raised an eyebrow, inviting her to continue.

"I can't tell you what it is."

The eyebrow inched higher.

"I just can't. It's embarrassing. Sesshoumaru, your… _thing_ is fondling my breasts."

"You are exciting it," Sesshoumaru said mercilessly. "It will settle down once you stop speaking in that low register."

Kagome pressed her lips together and glared.

And since this is becoming tiresome," Sesshoumaru continued, "I will conjecture that your embarrassment pertains to the white cylindrical objects shaped like tiny phalluses. Judging by their shape and greatly absorbent nature as well as the mechanism for easy extraction," here he reached into a water pail and held up a waterlogged tampon by its thread, "I assume they are meant to absorb the flow of blood from your menses, which have commenced sometime during the night."

Anger had never transformed into mortification more quickly. Kagome wished she could faint; she wished the earth would open and swallow her up. She wished she had never been born in the first place. More to the point, she wished Sesshoumaru had never been born. Both he and his infernal fur.

"There is no need to blush, miko. It is impossible to hide such things from senses as advanced as mine. In any case, you used to be human; it is only natural that you would retain some of your human traits."

"Oh, and that's what I get to keep," said Kagome miserably. "Thank you very much. Seriously, who decides these things?"

"In your case? The jewel, no doubt."

Her fists clenched, as much against the realization that Sesshoumaru was probably right and she was a stupid goddess as against the stupid, overbearing jewel. "I _hate _that thing."

"One would think a short monthly period of discomfort is a little price to pay for immortality," Sesshoumaru said. He appeared mildly puzzled when she glared daggers at him.

"Sesshoumaru?"

"Yes?"

"Shut _up_," she hissed. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

He nodded, as if confirming a private theory. "Irrational anger is said to be part of the symptoms. Female youkai experience it during heat. Not that they are all that controlled outside of it. I do have one question, though."

"_What._"

"How is the kitten supposed to help?"

Kagome stared at the kitten he held out. The little traitor did not seem to mind being in the hands of one of the most lethal beings in Japan.

"Give him to me," she said.

She had to slap the amorous moko-moko aside to grab the kitten, who let out a protesting mewl.

"Her," Sesshoumaru corrected. "Her name is Miyu."

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Kagome cooed, stroking the top of its adorable head. She smiled when it pressed its nose into her hand. "You're so cute! Miyu, yes?"

"That does not answer my question," Sesshoumaru said. He was watching their interaction closely. "Or perhaps it does. Since Miyu has been fed, you may take her back to your room."

Kagome gestured at the moko-moko. "As much as I'd like to leave, I can't with this still attached. Call it back? Please?"

"No."

"What do you mean, no? It's gone between my legs, Sesshoumaru! And it's _moving_. How am I supposed to walk around?"

"Your cramps are gone," Sesshoumaru stated. He rose from the desk and walked around it until he towered over her.

He was right, Kagome realized. The warmth of the fur just where she needed it had taken care of most of her aches. She cuddled the kitten and tried to think. It was hard with Sesshoumaru so close.

"You're right," she finally admitted. "It's better than a hot water bottle. But it's a little embarrassing to walk around with an amorous boa clinging to me, Sesshoumaru. I don't think I can do it." It came out in a whisper.

"It's either it or me, miko," Sesshoumaru murmured in her ear. His mouth wandered to her neck and he inhaled deeply.

The kitten protested. Without looking, Sesshoumaru took it from her and deposited it on the desk.

Why was he suddenly so touchy-feely again?

He was simply evil, Kagome decided. "Is t-this b-because of the growling?"

His lips blazed a slow path back up her throat, pausing at the corner of her mouth. "Partly," he breathed. He pressed a light kiss to the spot and moved on, lightly capturing her upper lip between his. Kagome's lips parted on a silent moan. Her tongue flicked out instinctively to taste; it met skin and then the very tip of his tongue in a quick, furtive lick. Heat spread from her mouth downwards in one flaming rush. Sesshoumaru drew back as if slapped, eyes glowing beneath lowered lids.

"Be very, very sure," he warned hoarsely.

Kagome licked her lips and tried to think. She'd never seen Sesshoumaru so intense, except in battle.

"Why?" she managed.

"You test the limits of my control," he said tonelessly.

Then he was doing good, because Kagome was already burning up. It seemed wrong to question this, and just as wrong not to. Something beneath her skin tingled, strove towards the banked power in him. Was it because she was immortal now?

Could this sudden, violent interest on his part be explained by that as well?

Suddenly, Kagome felt like the one slapped.

"Hold on," she said slowly. "Is this because of the goddess thing? Because that's sick. I was barely good enough for you as a human, and now suddenly you want me?"

Apparently that kind of accusation was enough to transform Sesshoumaru's heat into chilly aggression.

"What exactly is it that you find so objectionable, miko?" he demanded acidly. "The fact that I did not court you when you were a human who would have died after barely any years at all, leaving me behind to mourn? You think I should have jumped at the chance of indulging my weakness for you until your loss would have left me eviscerated for centuries to come."

Kagome swallowed. Put like that, it sounded a little selfish. The knot of hurt softened. Absently, she rubbed a fist over her stomach as she tried to think of a coherent answer and finding none.

"Ah…"

Sesshoumaru grabbed her hand, drawing it away from her abused belly. He rubbed his knuckles over the tight fist, forcing her fingers to uncurl. Kagome stared dumbly at their joined hands, growing dizzier by the second as he rubbed his thumb gently over her palm and drew her closer. He brought her hand up to his chest while his other hand settled against her spine, bringing a melting warmth to her knotted muscles.

When she looked up, his eyes still blazed. "You drew me then, too. I _chose_ not to pursue you. Would you indulge yourself with someone who lived their whole life in the span of one year? Would you knowingly condemn ourself to a long life full of misery for a few months of fulfillment?"

Suddenly it did not seem like an easy choice at all. She shook her head. "I— I don't know."

Sesshoumaru seemed to calm a little. "Then next time, think before you speak."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have implied…"

Sesshoumaru gave a bitter bark of laughter. "You did not imply anything. You were clear enough."

"You're right. Really, I'm sorry. Can we start over?"

Sesshoumaru took a minute to think about that. "Very well," he finally acquiesced. "From now on, we will both no longer dwell on the past."

There was a moment of silence. Kagome hugged herself closer to Sesshoumaru's broad chest. Her heart expanded when his arms closed around her tentatively, then more firmly.

This affection was new, and precious to her. They could build on that.

"You have not yet chosen," Sesshoumaru eventually said into her hair.

Kagome blinked. "Chosen what?"

"Moko-moko… or me."

Okay… Affection aside, some things would put too large a strain on this tentative new peace. Besides, however much she might want to leave her cursed virginity behind, she found she was not ready to do it in one big leap. Small increments, that was the ticket.

"Moko-moko," Kagome said decisively. "No offense, but I don't think I can handle you at the moment."

Sesshoumaru smiled. It was the first true smile she had seen, and it lit up his face so beautifully that Kagome could only stare, entranced.

"Then you made the appropriate choice." He nipped sharply at her earlobe. "When _I_ wrap around you, you will be naked."

His gaze, now glowing and golden and full of wicked promises, captured hers. Kagome bit her lip. Maybe she had been too hasty with her decision.

Slowly, giving her ample time to draw back, Sesshoumaru lowered his head.

There was a brief scuffle outside, then the screen door banged open and Rin stumbled inside. "Sesshoumaru-sama, look what I— Oops."

Kagome barely had time to blush, the girl had backpedaled so quickly. Outside, the hallway came alive with frantic whispering. Someone giggled.

"I notice that you did not threaten her with beheading," Kagome whispered into Sesshoumaru's chest.

"Rin is still young and therefore able to learn. The appropriate punishment for her intrusion is whipping."

Kagome drew back. "You wouldn't."

Sesshoumaru smirked.

Kagome relaxed. "It's nice that you're in such a good mood now. Then maybe you'll go easy on my essay."

"Do not get your hopes up. Those are two entirely unrelated things."

Kagome grimaced. "I was afraid of that."


	6. Persistence of Vision

Rewritten four times. I am so, so sick of this chapter.

.

* * *

.

_~Persistence of Vision~_

_There once was a perfect youkai. _

_Though young, his power already rivaled gods, and so he struck out for foreign lands in search of adventure. He found it, and in the finding he grew more powerful, and more mysterious. Until, one day, he found something he had not even known he sought on a green island in the Aegean sea: a lover who equaled him in beauty; the embodiment of new life and the purity of new beginnings._

_Her name was Persephone, and she was a children of gods. But she loved humanity with all her heart, and so she pleaded with her parents to let her rule, to bring her healing influence to the often war-torn empires of their human charges. They cound not refuse her, so they gifted her with her own kingdom and let her play at being queen._

_For the first time in his travels, the youkai found peace with his golden-haired goddess. She was one with the land, and when she walked it, her power rising golden to her skin, lush flowers would bloom where there had been none and trees would sprout, thickening the abundant forests._

_He would come to her in the night, and she would cling to him, innocent even in the wildest abandon, and sob his name as he shattered her with pleasure. The youkai was a being of control and cool ambition. And yet with her, the goals that had driven him to leave his home faded away one by one, falling prey to an unfamiliar emotion. _

_After one year, she invited him to stay and share her rule._

_He accepted._

x-x

After a night spent tossing and turning, Kagome found herself summoned to Sesshoumaru's office just after sunrise.

She had been sitting quietly for several minutes now, waiting for him to acknowledge her, and slowly the adrenaline was receding in favor of sleepiness. It didn't help that in this particular wing the household was eerily silent.

Sesshoumaru was seated at his desk, limned in peach light from the very first blush of sunrise. He was inspecting an unfurled scroll that looked nothing like her essay and he was not paying her the least attention. The moko-moko, dozing again on his shoulder, was ignoring her as well. It was probably still offended that she had thrown it out in the middle of the night.

Kagome huffed and stuck her tongue out at it. Really, for such a grabby fur it had some nerve acting miffed.

Sesshoumaru rolled up the scroll he was perusing and picked up another one.

Kagome perked up briefly, then she noticed that the scroll had gold inlays and did not look anything like an essay either. She slumped back and directed her attention to the mountainscape behind Sesshoumaru. His private gardens, as austerely beautiful as their owner, in the forefront, then in the middle distance two of the floating gardens that surrounded the keep like so many moons, and behind that snow-capped blue mountains, hazy with distance. He really had the best view, but she just couldn't properly appreciate it this morning.

God, she could kill for a cup of tea.

Bereft of something to do, she started twiddling her thumbs. Slowly at first, then faster. It turned out that her right thumb was really good, but her left had room for improvement.

She probably should be thankful, she mused. After the Incident (which was only a few sleepless hours ago) she'd fretted endlessly about what Sesshoumaru might do when he saw her again. She'd told him she wasn't ready, he'd said something after wrapping himself around her when she was naked, and then her brain had short-circuited before she could ask for particulars. Like, for instance, when he was planning to do that.

Kagome had thought about it all night. It had definitely distracted her from her period, although the cramps were mostly gone by then anyway. It had also distracted her from sleep.

She had come up with several interesting scenarios for their morning meeting. They were mostly variations on the same theme. The most interesting one went like this:

_"Good morning, Sesshoumaru. Why do you have a futon in your office?"_

_"Good morning, miko. As you have dismissed my pelt from your room, I assume you are ready to accept me as a replacement. Strip." _

_"B-but—"_

_"I have given you ample time to shed your virginal reticence. Please refrain from your usual childishness in this matter."_

_"I don't know if I can…"_

_"Very well. If it puts you at ease, I shall lead by example."_

Kagome bit her lip, blushing a little. That had been an interesting one. Too bad that it had been followed by this:

_"Good morning miko. Before we begin, I wish to clarify a misunderstanding."_

_"Okay…"_

_"My behavior of yesterday was caused by a strong hallucinogenic my mother sent as a gift. It is just her way to send gifts that will evoke the most virulent desire for retaliation in the recipient. I suppose it amuses her. But I digress. I wish to stress that I do not find you attractive, I never have, and if I ever see you unclothed I just might blind myself in self-defense."_

_"Oh. I— I see."_

_"Good. Now to your essay."_

Yeah. There hadn't been any more heated dreams after that one. What scared her was how deep it had cut, considering it was just a silly figment of her imagination.

In any case, none of those scenarios had helped her figure out how she would react if Sesshoumaru really pursued her. Did she want him to? Could she handle him if he did?

She didn't know.

In any case, it appeared that she had worried for nothing. For all the attention Sesshoumaru was currently giving her, she might as well have been part of the furniture. Not that there was a lot of furniture to begin with. Just the huge desk, bending under a mountain of paperwork, and a massive chest of drawers against the far wall. A furtive look at his silver head, still bent over some scroll that had nothing to do with their meeting, sent a swell of annoyance bubbling up in her.

Was all this a game to him? Apparently.

Sesshoumaru picked up a brush and began jotting down notes across several documents, not noticing or not caring that she was scowling blearily at him.

A few minutes later, a black-haired youkai entered, collected the papers with a sharp military bow and left as swiftly as he had come.

Sesshoumaru sat back and finally looked at her. "My apologies for the delay, miko," he said. "There were urgent matters to attend to."

Kagome nodded mutely, because she had lost the ability to form words. She didn't think she had heard Sesshoumaru apologize. Ever. And now that he had done so, sneakily, she could not maintain her anger at him without coming across as an immature idiot.

"Your essay is adequate," he said. "You raise interesting points and your arguments are well presented. I must admit I was surprised, considering your lack of eloquence in our daily interactions."

And there he went, being a jerk again.

x-x

Kagome was frowning. Sesshoumaru was pleased to also see her hands clench briefly in her lap. He so enjoyed antagonizing her. It made her smell like lightning, and at the same time it delivered an object lesson in the advantages of discipline. Being so easily riled did nothing but make her life harder. The sooner she understood that, the better. And in the meantime, he would enjoy the teaching process.

The moko-moko also appeared to be enjoying itself. It had perked up, apparently over its short-lived snit, and was now fluffing up, ready to slither to the ground towards its favorite toy. Sesshoumaru tightened his grip. Considering that the pelt was merely his extraneous youki in compressed form, it had been disturbingly independent of late. It was as if it was coming alive. Which was, of course, ridiculous.

"You also missed a key point in your discussion. However—"

Kagome bristled again. "Yes? Like what?"

"We will come to that in a moment."

To his surprise, Kagome took several deep breaths. Her hands loosened. When she focused on him again, she seemed much calmer.

"Congratulations, miko," he said. "Are you planning to join the ranks of the grown-ups, by any chance?"

That yielded him a pointy smile. "Could be. Although if that means I have to become a boring killjoy like you, I just might pass."

"By any means, do. I would not want even my shining example to stop you from clinging to immaturity with both hands. You are so much more entertaining the way you are now."

Kagome grimaced. "You see how I'm not getting up and leaving right now? That's very grown-up of me."

"You merely wish to avoid the inevitable repercussions should you waste my time is such a way."

Kagome shrugged. "Whatever. So, back to topic."

"Very well. Leaving aside some minor fallacies, your main argument was correct. Priestesses are sacrificial symbols, valued in their function as protectors, and they are most useful in death, since their passing delivers a spiritual cleansing to their village. While their skills are expected to grow and change, their personalities are expected to remain frozen, focused on serving the village rather than themselves. And yes, they mostly die young because they are not whole. As their self withers away, so does their will to live. Your observations regarding youkai females were also correct, and you did well to look beyond the bounds of the original task."

"That doesn't sound like I missed very much."

"I did not say you missed much. However, what you did miss is important."

"Okay, sensei, enlighten me."

"There is one other reason why priestesses are not taught to seduce youkai. Think."

"I did," Kagome replied seriously. "Nothing came up. Sensei."

"Do you know why not?"

"I have no idea."

"It is because you have no experience with seduction."

"I beg to differ. Your pelt has been groping me enough for five Kougas, and you have been a bit touchy-feely yourself just yesterday, sensei."

"Those are merely the preludes to seduction. The answers elude you because you have never been fully seduced. Why do you call me sensei?"

Her lips curled in an impish smile. "You are my teacher, aren't you?"

Sesshoumaru did not exactly know what had prompted that smile — the girl's cognitive processes were a secret best left buried — but he recognized the scent. Kagome was amused. By him.

It was a novel experience. He was used to making an impression. Wherever he went, people reacted to the sight of him, usually with abject terror. He had never been a source of amusement for anybody. He found he did not like it.

"I advise," he said therefore mildly. "I do not teach."

Situations he did not like did not stick around for long.

"There's a difference?" Kagome asked.

This required a hands-on lesson. And here he had resolved to give her space, since she was clearly spooked by his interest. He walked leisurely around the desk.

Involuntarily, Kagome rose to meet him.

"As an advisor," he said, gently cupping her neck as he stepped into her space, "I merely set tasks and make suggestions."

The scent of amusement on Kagome vanished abruptly, replaced by something stronger and more heady. "As a teacher on the other hand," he went on, "I would feel obliged to correct any lapses—" he brushed his lips across her right cheekbone, "in knowledge—" here he ghosted over her lips in time with her helpless gasp, "I might find." He touched his mouth to her chin and forced the composed mask back over the rising wildness, forced himself to draw back.

Kagome stumbled back several steps, a trembling hand to her lips. He let her go, savoring the unfocused look in her dark eyes.

"I though we weren't doing this kind of thing anymore!" she protested. "Do you have a split personality or something?"

"Now that the distinction is clear," Sesshoumaru said as if she hadn't spoken, "Would you prefer a teacher or an advisor?"

To his bewilderment, Kagome looked downtrodden all of a sudden.

"Advisor's fine, thanks."

"Then we understand each other." He did not understand why she appeared hurt, but then her rapid mood changes were often inexplicable.

"Yes."

"Regarding your earlier confusion—"

She blinked at him. "Yes?"

"True seduction always runs both ways. You have observed youkai females and as you correctly stated, they are beautiful and predatory in their sexuality. They all are, rendering beauty and danger commonplace. Males do not value what their are offered in abundance. Male youkai in particular are taught to guard themselves against what is essentially a grasp for power. They are however not equipped to handle innocence, softness, and genuine emotion."

"So you are saying that the only way to seduce a youkai is to fall in love with him?"

"Nothing so extreme. Attraction suffices. Coupled with inexperience and innocence it is more than enough to intrigue even a powerful youkai."

Kagome didn't look convinced. "That's hard to imagine."

"Why do you think your wolf prince was so insistent?"

"Kouga? I always thought it was more of a contest with Inuyasha than anything."

"He was insistent because you liked him. His need to establish dominance against a rival male had nothing to do with his pursuit of you."

"But he never followed through…"

"That's because you were not truly interested and Inuyasha would have killed him."

"I get that a miko might be tempted by a youkai like Kouga. I mean, you guys are beautiful, and you have that bad boy thing going on. But I still don't understand what a youkai would want with a priestess. We're your enemies."

"Young, impressionable enemies. Innocence and danger in one. There have been priestesses who became involved with youkai and found they had more in common with their enemy than with the humans who used them as shields. Especially once they realized how they had been lied to."

Kagome pursed her lips suspiciously. "I never heard of any."

"You would not have."

"Fair enough. So you're saying that miko make good youkai allies because they are easy to manipulate once they've put out. I think I'm a little offended."

"They make good companions, not allies, once they have shed their original alliances. And the very fact that you accepted the wolf as a friend proves how impressionable you were."

"That's because Kouga _is_ a loyal friend!" Kagome protested.

"He attacked human villages for sport and ate the villagers," Sesshoumaru said. "He would not have favored a human girl with a second glance, except as lunch. He spared you because you were exotic to him, and he liked your scent."

"Ugh." Kagome shuddered. "I wish I could unhear that…"

"You have visited the wolves. You know precisely what they are capable of. You ignored it because they were allies and you liked Kouga."

"They've changed," Kagome said quietly. "I know they did horrible things, but it's different now."

"And in your eyes that erases their past sins?"

"No. But they're still my friends."

"And that, miko, is why most youkai would kill to possess someone like you."

Kagome blinked at him, a pensive look on her pretty face. "Would that include you too?"

A cloud seemed to pass over his face. "No. Innocence lost its appeal for me long ago."

x-x

Over the next month, Sesshoumaru tortured her with herb lore until he felt she had a solid knowledge base and Kagome felt that she had swallowed an encyclopedia. Then he made her go out and collect the herbs she had learned about. Quite a few of them were found in the jungle. Sesshoumaru took her to the southernmost island, which was a full ecosystem complete with snakes and mosquitoes. Especially the latter loved Kagome's blood and were not shy about showing her.

Kagome bit her tongue and endured.

By the middle of November, Kagome had regained her appetite, and then some. Shippo remarked that Kagome ate like a large dragon. He ducked just in time before Kagome could hit him with a compendium of magical plants found in the Amazon rainforest and flatten his skull.

Then came December, and defense against magical animals.

The morning of December third found Kagome swathed in furs in the middle of a blinding snowscape, staring down a polar bear the size of a tree. Eyes like hot coals stared back.

Kagome gave a plaintive whimper. "Why exactly are we doing this again? It's not like I plan to hunt them or anything! Good boy… No, don't come closer. We were just leaving…"

"Your intentions do not matter when you are in their territory." Sesshoumaru said from his perch on a nearby snowdrift. "They will hunt you."

"And whose fault is that? It's not like I wanted to come!"

"Some day, you might not have a choice but pass through such dangerous territory. Now cease lamenting and attack."

"I am not going to kill some defenseless animal just because you say so!" Kagome protested, blatantly ignoring Sesshoumaru's incredulous look.

The defenseless animal gave a chilling roar and charged.

"Damn it." Kagome lifted her hands, which were already glowing gold. "That's not my—" she began, then jumped to the left right in time to avoid a swiping claw.

She rolled to her feet, barely avoiding the follow-up swipe. The golden glow was spreading out like a halo and the bear took a step back and growled. The snow beneath Kagome's boots started to melt. Whatever the glow was, it was not her purification power. Which meant she had no weapon.

"Sesshoumaru? Some help here?"

"You appear to have things well in hand," Sesshoumaru called. The heartless jerk. If his voice sounded a little strangled, it was probably because he could not believe how bad she was at this.

Tendrils of light spread out from her hands with an electric crackle.

The bear retreated another step.

"Shoo," Kagome said. "Come on, don't make me fry you." Her hands looked like twin comets. The idea of channeling that power at another being made her feel queasy. "Shoo."

The bear took another two tentative steps back, apparently loathe to turn its back on her. She stomped her foot at it, and finally it turned and ran.

"Stupid animal," she muttered. The tingle in her hands crawled up her spine when she realized that her hands were full of crackling energy and she had no idea what to do with it.

"Oooh, I feel a sneeze coming on… Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru was no help. He was staring at her as if he'd like to take her head off, probably because she had completely botched up he assignment.

"Look, just because I don't kill indiscriminately doesn't mean that you— _Achoo_!"

Twin bolts of lightning discharged harmlessly into the earth at her feet, turning the snow into steam. And all over the steaming patch of dark earth, plants started to grow.

"Okay, that's weird," Kagome murmured, kneeling to touch a delicate snowbell in wonder. "What just happened?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes were glacial. "Your power has manifested."

x-x

Sesshoumaru's mind was a black, seething ocean.

He should have known. The moment she had woken in his arms bathed in that golden glow, he should have known. But he'd been misled by her innocence, her soft human heart, and worst of all, by the magnetic pull she had on him.

He should have recalled that the most shining innocence hid the deepest rot.

And now there was only one avenue left to him. He had to correct his mistake in a way that would preclude the jewel inside her from stopping him.

x-x

Kagome sat on her bed, drying her hair with a towel and feeling oddly despondent.

So, she'd finally come into her divine power. She should have been relieved, she supposed. She certainly hadn't dared to hope for something so innocuous as making grass grow.

Seriously, she thought, rubbing the towel savagely against her scalp, why was she so depressed? She could make grass grow. That wasn't a big deal, right? It was certainly loads better that flaying people alive, or creating chaos and growing extra arms. Right? _Right_?

After all, she had to be some type of spring deity — someone who ran around touching trees so they would bloom again, awakening the earth from its winter sleep. Not exactly a bringer of chaos and destruction, just the opposite.

Of course, all of this was just conjecture, since Sesshoumaru would neither confirm or deny.

So why did she feel like there was a wrongness beneath her skin, waiting to break out?

Yeah, she could lay the fault for that right at Sesshoumaru's door. Sesshoumaru, who hadn't talked to her at all since he'd stomped back to the fortress with her in tow and had ordered her to her room. What was it he'd said?

Right, he'd said exactly nothing. He'd just left, after putting two guards on her and giving them orders in a voice so low she hadn't been able to hear a thing. The guards had escorted her to her room, with a cool politeness that said she'd better comply or else.

It was good that Kagome knew she'd done nothing wrong, at least not as she understood it. Last time she'd looked, not killing poor feral animals wasn't a crime.

x-x

Two days after the Incident, days which Kagome spent confined in her small room and he did not speak to her at all, Sesshoumaru turned into the teacher from hell. He shook her awake before dawn, and the torture began.

Sesshoumaru wouldn't let her catch up on sleep as he taught her small spells — harnessing the sun for warmth, stopping herself from bleeding to death in a pinch.

x-x

"Call the sun," Sesshoumaru said.

Kagome rubbed at her burning eyes and wished the blinding polar sun would die a quick and painful death, just as her feet were threatening to do because Sesshoumaru had forced her to take her boots off in the snow. She tried to force warm thoughts into the fuzzy cottony mess that was her brain. Nothing was happening, except that she could feel hypothermia setting in at an alarming rate.

"I need sleep! I need _shoes_! I can't concentrate like this."

"You will be even less able to concentrate when you're under attack."

A frustrated tear froze before it could leave her tear duct. "You want to cripple me?" she yelled.

Sesshoumaru shrugged. "It's you who refuses to warm up."

"Aaaah!" Kagome cried, then she looked down at her blue feet and thought as hard as she could about drinking hot tea in her mother's cozy kitchen.

Just as she was about to pass out, her feet caught fire.

Panicked, she stomped quite a bit of snow into slush before she realized she was not being burned alive by the phantom flames. She subsided, panting.

The rush of returning blood stung her limbs with a thousand needles.

"Now," Sesshoumaru said. "Was all the theater really necessary?"

"Argh!"

x-x

_The first case was a cheating husband. The guards brought him in and left, closing the massive doors behind them. The man was pleasantly built, with a thick head of dark locks and the kind of angular face that women of all races found attractive. He looked lost in the marble vastness of the throne room, his fear a palpable entity. He was sweating._

_Persephone rose from her throne with a smile. "So, Euandros. I hear you are no longer content with your wife."_

_"My queen, I never—"_

_"Do not bother lying," she interrupted, her voice harsher than Sesshoumaru had ever heard it. "You know I can tell." Afternoon light from the narrow windows turned her wheat-colored hair to living flame._

_Euandros had fallen to his knees, his trembling legs no longer offering enough support. His voice, too, was betraying him. All that came out was a drawn-out, keening whimper._

_Sesshoumaru felt mild disgust at the man's cowardice. What did he expect his sweet queen to do to him?_

_"Why, Euandros? It's always the same! No matter how often I—" Persephone clenched a hand in the dark locks and pulled the man's head back. The move was so lightning quick Sesshoumaru nearly missed it. "I shall be watching you, Euandros. Do try to apply yourself more next time."_

_"P-please, my queen!" he whimpered, but Persephone was already glowing, a small sun casting long shadows._

_When the glow died, a newborn boy was lying in a heap of sweaty clothing, screaming its lungs out._

_Persephone took a deep breath and picked it up._

_"Shhhh." She patted the child's back, rocking it, and slowly the cries subsided. "Aren't you a cute little boy. Shhh."_

_While Sesshoumaru still sat, stunned, his quick mind unable to process what had just happened, a side door opened. A female servant rushed in, took the child from her queen's arms._

_"You know what to do," Persephone said. She bent to give the boy a last tickle under his chin. "This is your very last chance, Euandros. Don't squander it."_

_With a smile, she rose to meet the next supplicants._

_The doors opened, allowing two teenaged boys inside._

_Persephone's face clouded with a sorrow that cut Sesshoumaru to the bone._

_"Iason," she whispered. "What did I tell you about breaking the law when I saw you last?"_

_"I don't know, my queen. I do not remember—"_

_"That's what you all say!" Persephone screamed. "You think it's so easy for me? You never apply yourselves as you should! Whose fault is that? Not mine! I try! I give you chance after chance, and what do you do?"_

_The boy was white and trembling like a leaf. "B-but my queen, I really don't re—"_

_This time the glow burst out of her with the inevitability of a sunrise. "DON'T LIE TO ME!" _

_And as he watched his queen stopper a gem-studded bottle that held the firefly light of a departed soul, Sesshoumaru learned what true revulsion really meant._

Sesshoumaru woke with a start. He had not allowed himself sleep for weeks because he knew what it would hold. He had only given in eventually because he could not allow exhaustion, however faint, to cloud his mind.

Had the jewel known what it was calling into being, he wondered. It must have. It had been in Kagome's mind as well as in his. Perhaps it was his memories that had shown it where a new deity could enter reality without damaging its balance.

He should just end it. He was working her to the bone, and never had his own motives appeared as ambiguous to him. Was he attempting to have her killed or was he training her so she would have a fighting chance when the inevitable confrontation came?

He did not know.

At least as long as not even he knew his own mind, the jewel would have a hard time second-guessing him.

x-x

The new year had barely begun when Sesshoumaru stepped up Kagome's training. If she had not known better, she would have thought that he was trying to kill her. But of course that was ridiculous.

He made her fight dragons, killer llamas and giant sharks. When she wasn't knee-deep in sand or nearly drowning, he forced her to read up on creatures so ridiculous, half of them _had_ to be made up.

The days ran together.

x-x

There was salty water in her lungs, bubbles everywhere, brushing past her exposed limbs. A shimmering shadow was racing through the depths towards her, indistinguishable from the gray waves by anything but the current it trailed in its wake.

Then a hand on her neck, pulling her up, and Sesshoumaru yelling in her ear as she sputtered and gasped and sucked in cold air as fast as her burning lungs would allow.

"Concentrate, miko! Call your power."

Frigid wind rushed past her ears. She could feel her lips turning blue.

She could no longer feel her limbs. Her new power was a golden nucleus inside her, just waiting to be tapped. Even cold and oxygen-deprived as she was, it felt subtly wrong. She pushed it deeper, reached instead for the clean electric sizzle of purification.

Then Sesshoumaru's hand was pushing her back down, where it was colder still.

The sun was a washed-out stain on the surface of the water. With an effort, Kagome wrestled some warmth into her numb body and pushed pink purification energy into the blade she clutched. The shark flashed towards her, huge as a house and fast as thought, filling her vision with rows of serrated teeth.

She dove deeper, ignoring her bursting lungs. The blade found the white belly and sank in, its pink glow eating away at the flesh and drawing down.

Blood spurted, acid red in the water as the surrounding flesh turned to ash.

With a pump of tired legs, Kagome pushed up towards the feeble warmth of the sun.

x-x

With every week that passed, Sesshoumaru became increasingly withdrawn. Kagome could not understand it. She was getting better despite the ever-present exhaustion. She knew she was. She didn't complain when his demands became more and more cruel, the tasks more arduous.

By February, Kagome had the slim muscles of an Olympic gymnast, the twitchy trigger finger of a psychotic mercenary, and she was increasingly sure she had hallucinated Sesshoumaru's advances. No suitor would treat the object of his affection the way he treated her. Even Sesshoumaru's worst enemies received better treatment, i.e. a quick death.

At the moment she lay in the mud puddle where she had landed when the antics of a monster rhino and her misjudging the force necessary to dispatch it had resulted in a small flash flood. Accidents happened. Besides, she could go to sleep anywhere, and the water was reasonably warm.

Sesshoumaru prodded her with a pristine white boot. "Get up," he said. He never talked to her anymore, content to observe. He must be really irritated.

The thought sent a burst of vindictive satisfaction through her.

"Not happening," she said.

"We are not yet done for today," he pointed out. He was really talkative today.

"Maybe you're not done," Kagome muttered. "I know I am." She rolled on her back with a squelch, because if she fell asleep face down in a puddle she might just drown. "Wake me when you're through, 'k? Toodles."

An acid green whip hit the water right next to her face, splashing poisoned drops. Kagome somersaulted backwards into an offended crouch.

"Hey! That wasn't nice, Sesshoumaru!"

"I will be even less nice if you insist on wasting my time." His voice was utterly flat.

Kagome brushed a sodden hunk of hair from her face. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. I'm done for today. Hell, I'm done for the week! I'm going to wash, and sleep, and if I don't see your face for a whole month, it's still too soon!"

Sesshoumaru appeared unimpressed. He looked down at his hand, which was already glowing green.

Kagome saw red.

"You know what?" she spat. "If you're trying to get into my pants, you're going about it the wrong way!"

The green glow died.

"Do not be ridiculous, miko."

Kagome sagged back into her puddle, all remaining strength sapped by her small outburst. She stared at the thick canopy of leaves, broken up by patches of a dirty orange sky. "What happened to 'when I wrap around you, you'll be naked'?"

Sesshoumaru did not answer.

A giggle tickled her throat. It would have come out a sob, so she squashed it. "I guess that's over then. What changed?"

As expected, that question did not merit an answer either.

"What is it that you're trying to do, Sesshoumaru? Are you torturing me for fun?"

Her field of vision was filled with golden eyes as Sesshoumaru crouched down, his face blotting out the sky. Her heart gave a sluggish tug.

"Can't you tell?" he said.

"You are not making a lot of sense," Kagome said, tired of him. "And if this is just a game to you, I really wish you'd stop."

"I will stop when you use your power in the hunt."

Was that what he'd been trying to teach her? She had always assumed he meant purification—so far, all her opponents had been vulnerable to that. "I won't do that," she told him. "Ever. I have no idea why, but it feels wrong."

His eyes widened a fraction.

"You didn't know."

A faint frown creased his forehead. "I assumed you were not able."

That was enough to lift her to her elbows. "You could have just asked me instead of making me your whipping girl!"

A softness in his eyes, quickly erased.

"It does not change anything. You will break eventually."

"And then?"

"You will die."


	7. World Enough, And Time

This one was a bit easier to write. A few reviewers were unclear on what exactly is going on with Sesshoumaru - I hope this chapter makes it a bit clearer. I am not trying to be cryptic, but I'd rather not spell out everything directly either.

And because I have been asked that question: yes, the Persephone storyline was planned from the beginning. However, it wasn't supposed to unfold quite so darkly, so the way it eventually insisted to be written was unexpected to me. To answer a related question: yes, you can still expect a happy ending.

.

* * *

.

_~World Enough, And Time~_

_Persephone kept the trapped souls in her bedroom, amidst her creams and flasks of perfumed oils._

_She used to croon at the stoppered bottles, her sweet voice chilling in the perpetually mild spring air. She told them little fables of animals who made mistakes and met bad ends. She talked to them about the importance of virtue, of playing nice with others. Why had he never noticed before? _

_"Rest and think about it," she would say, patting a bottle fondly. _

_At first, Sesshoumaru thought that she couldn't hear their cries. But she did, and once Sesshoumaru knew what those bottles held, he did too. They scraped across the inside of his brain, eroding his calm. Unlike him, Persephone wasn't affected. To her, their suffering was akin to the tantrums of a spoiled child._

_"Hush," she would say. "You wouldn't be here if you'd behaved. But don't worry, I'll teach you."_

_It took Sesshoumaru days to gather himself and remember who he was. Who he had been without her, and could be again. He would look at her perfect face and her perfect skin and feel bile rise in his throat._

x-x

Kagome was staring at him with a look of such betrayal on her face…

His stomach twisted. He hated the thing beneath her skin but however he tried, he could not be disgusted by her.

He had to try harder.

_Why did you warn her?_

Because even now, seeing her exhausted, beaten and covered in dirt, a part of him only wanted to haul her into his arms and kiss that expression off her face.

Had she been a proper enemy, she would have struck out at that very moment, utilizing his moment of weakness to end the threat.

But Kagome only lay in the mud propped up on trembling elbows, and stared at him as if he had already skewered her.

"Why warn me?" she asked hoarsely.

"Simple courtesy." Only centuries of practice kept his voice that cool, that even.

_Stupidity_, he thought._ Pure, unadulterated stupidity_. Already he could see the pale, golden glow gathering beneath her skin, burning away the mud and dirt.

Whatever his feelings, he could not allow the horror inside her to live.

He should not have warned her.

x-x

_Sesshoumaru stood in the garden, staring out unseeingly at the army of cherry trees locked in perpetual spring as white arms closed around his neck. He fought not to recoil._

_"Poor Sesshoumaru!" Persephone rubbed her nose against his with a tinkling laugh as he stood frozen. "Is ruling taking its toll on you? You have not come to my bed for days! I miss you."_

_Grasping his hand, she tugged him into flight and onto the terrace before her quarters, and then past diaphanous curtains further into her bedroom. The strong scent of perfumed oils slapped his nose, nearly making him gag. _

_She turned and smiled at him. Beneath a virginal drape of white, her body was perfection. The beauty of her face was staggering, even now that the lines of it had become as familiar as air and it made an impact on him even now. But it was enough to look into her green-gold eyes to see past the diamond shine to the void inside. _

_"I am indeed… taxed," he replied. He could not manage an answering smile._

_Persephone's eyes widened, narrowed. Her hand slid slowly from his._

_"No," she said. "Why are you lying to me?"_

_"I do not lie," Sesshoumaru said._

_"By omission then!" she screeched. "You do no longer wish to come to my bed, is that not so?"_

_He never lied. "It is."_

_She turned away, hands fisted in her hair._

_When she turned back to him, there were tears in her eyes. "Why?"_

_She truly did not understand. Sesshoumaru had always assumed gods were powerful, until he killed his first few. Then he understood that having power did not necessarily translate to an understanding of wielding it, and every power, no matter how great, contained its tiny blind spaces. But it had taken Persephone to make him understand that gods were flawed in a much deeper way. _

_Persephone was not part of the world. She would never be; she was truly self-contained, something Sesshoumaru had fought to achieve for himself but vowed to discard now that he understood the wrongness inherent in such a concept. While Persephone's power could change the world, the world could not change Persephone in even the most minute of aspects. When Sesshoumaru now looked at her he saw the utter absence of empathy, a blindness so pervading it had no hope of perceiving itself._

_It was ironic that someone like her could make things grow because from the moment of her birth Persephone had been unchanging. A constant in the world, incapable of learning or growing herself. A cruel perpetual child who would never outgrow her constraints. _

_"You disgust me," he told her, and then waited patiently for the end to begin._

x-x

Kagome's warm brown eyes had taken on a diamond glint, as if they were slowly being eclipsed by a myriad of facets. Her face was smoothing out, the lines of exhaustion melting away to reveal a pure, inhuman beauty.

Poison and youki welled up in Sesshoumaru's blood stream.

Slowly, laboriously, Kagome rose to her feet.

"I still don't understand what you think I did—" She frowned, a quicksilver glimpse of humanity, then shook her head. "What you think I _am_."

The tips of his fingers tingled with poison.

Pink rose to join the gold on her skin. Sesshoumaru, who had never retreated before anybody, took a step back.

x-x

Kagome's mind was abuzz with power. Her eyes felt alien in her skull, like she was seeing the world through a labyrinth of mirrors.

Through her fractured vision she saw Sesshoumaru, white and shining against a backdrop of mud and leaves. The way he was looking at her, like she was a nightmare come to life… It hurt.

She clung to that feeling, that knot in her stomach, because she could feel her self shriveling away before something vast and inhuman that was trying to take its place.

If her body was a vessel, it was close to overflowing. Her heart, though, was still human inside her, and it was close to breaking.

Sesshoumaru meant to kill her, and he might very well be right.

"Please," she said. Her voice came out wrong, with a silvery echo that cascaded out of her throat along with that single word. "Can't you tell me what's wrong?"

She touched her fingers to her lips to stop the odd echo, but the words still tripped over themselves, not quite human.

x-x

_Persephone's wail was an animal thing. Her cheekbones cut into her skin, and her mouth opened farther than her human skull allowed. For a fraction of a moment, her teeth became razors, a fleeting manifestation of the childlike monster within._

_And still Sesshoumaru watched and waited._

x-x

"I can't let you do it," Kagome said, her voice still overlaid with strange harmonics. "I am not going to lay down and die. Not if I don't even know why."

Her eyes, always so warm and human, were now golden mirrors. Her light was no longer deadly gold but a soft peach and inside her, a deep well of untapped energy was quickly awakening.

He had left it too late.

x-x

_As Sesshoumaru watched, Persephone's skin smoothed itself out over her bones, becoming sweet and human once more._

_"I wish it were different," she said in that sweet voice._

_As she walked towards him, Sesshoumaru made himself relax._

_"It doesn't matter," she told him with a sad smile. "We'll try again."_

_Twin suns were coming alive in her eyes. She stood on tiptoe, mouth searching his._

_"Don't disappoint—" she began, and when her head flew through the room in a spray of blood to smash into a neat cluster of golden bottles, it sounded like a sigh._

_Sesshoumaru slammed his claws into the twitching body, tearing out the glowing heart. _

_It beat helplessly against his palm, gushing burning blood across his wrist._

_He crushed it, burned it with youki and all the poison he cold summon, until not even ashes remained._

_Then he smashed the bottles one by one._

_When the furies came, they found a sightless head lying on the vanity, nearly buried in flowers._

x-x

And still Sesshoumaru waited.

He waited although he knew he should not give her time to gather her power.

Kagome took a step towards him, glowing hand outstretched.

"Why do you want to kill me so badly?"

To his surprise, he found himself answering.

"I knew someone with your powers once," he said.

"What was she like?"

"She was the worst thing I have ever faced," he replied truthfully.

Kagome cocked her head, frowning. The motion exposed her delicate throat and Sesshoumaru's claws twitched in readiness.

Her sunlight and mirror eyes flickered and guttered back to bitter chocolate.

"I think something's wrong with me," she confided, sounding lost.

Sesshoumaru's heart stuttered in his chest. His fingers loosened, his body straining towards her as she swayed and stumbled closer. Deadly sunlight was still flowing along her skin in a wild dance of flare and ebb.

It was a glow that could unmake him. His mind knew that, knew the inevitable conclusion if she took just two more steps forward. It had computed the moment of his dissolution to the barest sliver of a second.

"I'm sorry." she said. "Oh, Sesshoumaru… I- I'm so sorry."

She was not advancing any longer, but rather swaying gently in place, misery blooming across her face.

"I'm m-making you d-do this, aren't I?"

_Yes_, Sesshoumaru thought. "Do not be ridiculous," he said. "A mere miko like yourself can hardly influence my actions."

A laugh burst out of her, short and bittersweet. "Oh, Sesshoumaru…" she murmured, and he thought a hungry expression may have passed across her face as she looked at him. A flare of pink, this one stronger, burst from her, turning the gold to a soft peach.

"I— I p-probably shouldn't b-be coming closer," she whispered.

That was very true.

"B-but I think you should move away," she warned. "B-because I'm not feeling so good—"

It only took a sliver of a second.

Sesshoumaru took in the wounded eyes, the trembling mouth, the softening of her quivering knees, and acknowledged the vicious twist in his stomach at the sight.

_Perhaps you do rule me after all_, he thought. And that was fine. _But I will not be ruled by past_ _ghosts._

She fell so slowly he could perceive the golden air move like treacle out of her way.

And in the end, the decision was simple: one step forward.

As his left arm slipped around her waist, his right hand closed around her glowing wrist.

Her free hand settled on his chest, bathing him in sunrise glow.

Just before peach light filled his field of vision, he got a last glimpse of her uptilted face, soft with surprise, and worry.

And then the words tumbled out of him, and along with them came images, flowing in a ghostly river from his chest through her arm, a stream of horrors.

_The laughing face, more beautiful that anything he had ever seen._

_Persephone's smile, so kind and carefree. Her wild abandon in his arms._

_Her identical days, a dream infinitely prolonged. A simulacrum of life, the human life she did not, could not understand. "Why is everyone always lying to me?"_

_The wounded disappointment on her face. Then the innocent smile, a goddess bestowing a benediction. "Let's try again."_

x-x

The glow died abruptly, leaving them in evening shadow. How long had they stood here?

"She was a _monster_."

Kagome's whisper against his chest. Sesshoumaru barely heard it. He was still there, although he had planned to kill her. He was himself.

And Kagome was clutching him, hands fisted in the back of his obi, face pressed against the bone of his breastplate.

The wet smell of salt teased his nostrils.

"How could you ever—"

Kagome lifted her face to him, tears dancing in her eyes, her voice. The she hit his breastplate with a small fist.

"How could you take the risk? Are you mad?"

"It was a calculated risk," Sesshoumaru said. Of course, it had been anything but.

"Did you just lie to me?" She sounded incredulous. She searched his face and he bore it stoically, too content with the outcome to make the effort of dissuading her.

"You did!" she exclaimed. "Badly, too." She rubbed a hand across her face. "But I'm pretty sure you wanted to kill me just before. And after seeing your memories, I can't say I blame you." She hit his breastplate again. "Except I do!" she yelled. "How could you think I could ever _be_ like that?"

Bemused at the rapid changes in her mood but nevertheless grateful that she was herself again, Sesshoumaru brushed a strand of damp hair away from her cheek. Touching always flustered her. "It was a logical assumption."

Kagome frowned at him. "For a pea-brained rhino maybe!" She slapped his armor again in frustration. Her hand jerked back with a pained whimper. When he tried to touch it, she shook him off. "You _know_ me! After that stupid wish, you know parts of me I never showed anyone!"

Sesshoumaru offered her a shallow nod. Confirmation and apology in one. Because he _did _know her that intimately, and it was that instinctual part of him that had taken over and risked death just to touch her. The part that knew, in his very bones, that Kagome would never hurt someone she loved no matter what powers she gained — not even in self-defense. It was his own hunger for her that he had not trusted once his mind identified her as a dangerous enemy. The way she could soften him with a glance even though she had powers that could unmake whole kingdoms.

Kagome's fingers ghosted like butterflies across his striped cheekbone, his jaw.

"Oh, Sesshoumaru… You know I'm not like that." Her eyes, so human, showed only understanding. Forgiveness. He did not need forgiveness. And yet that warmth touched him. "I wouldn't do those things. You know I wouldn't. I would kill myself long before it came to that. But you know, don't you?"

Yes. He knew. He had always known, but he only realized it now. His mistake had been not trusting his instincts because he had been so intent on not making the same mistake twice. Persephone had been hollow. Kagome was empathy personified. And she knew, bone-deep, that without mistakes, there was no learning. She would have never erased someone's past just to teach them a lesson.

"I know," he said.

He did not resist when her arms closed again around his middle and she laid her head on his chest. The mistake had been his. He had acknowledged it, and soon it would be time to pay. But for now he allowed himself the indulgence of holding her close and measuring the remainder of their time by the rhythm of her breathing.

x-x

The flight back home was quiet, each of them lost in their thoughts.

"So, what now?" Kagome asked, when they touched down in the awakening garden. The last patches of snow were close to melting. Everywhere he looked small buds heralded the return of life.

Odd how the first touch of spring no longer seemed so sinister now.

"I betrayed your trust," Sesshoumaru said.

She did not seem to be in a hurry to leave the circle of his arms so he forced himself to step back.

Rubbing chilled arms, Kagome shrugged. "You had a good reason."

Even now, she was making apologies for him. He really should have known from the start. "That does not excuse the miscalculation."

"Look, I'm not saying I enjoyed being put through the grinder and nearly killed. You're like the Platonic ideal of drill instructors. But—"

"Kagome," he interrupted, the sound of her rarely-used name startling her into silence as he knew it would. "You seek an easy resolution where there is none. I have betrayed you."

She shook her head. "Stop saying that, it's not true! I'm still here, aren't I?"

"You are still here by virtue of your own power, not because of something I did."

"That's not true, Sesshoumaru." She touched his cheek, tantalizing him with the scent of sunshine on her skin. Another dark memory inverted. "You could have killed me anytime in the last two months. Like you killed her."

He could not deny that. His indecision had been atypical at best, and she knew it.

"You should sleep," he said. "You require rest and I have deprived you of it."

She chuckled. "Yes. I could sleep for a week—or ten. I'm probably going to once I hit the bed. But, Sesshoumaru?"

"Yes?"

"This discussion is not over."

Sesshoumaru watched her shuffle away, rubbing her lower back and growling epithets under her breath. So human. So complex. So very compelling.

It was a measure of his riotous emotions that he found even her crankiness sweet.

"So stubborn," he murmured.

The one thing he hadn't been. Cold guilt settled over him like a cloak. Kagome may have forgiven him but he would not forgive himself as easily.


	8. Two Halves of a Miracle

Finally, a new chapter. Sorry for the long wait, everyone. The following chapter is still causing me a bit of trouble, but the rest of the story is nearly done.

* * *

_~Two Halves of a Miracle~_

_Kagome stood on the beach, a mere foot away from the waves in which Sesshoumaru had first taught her how drowning felt, only instead of struggling for air as she had done back then, she refused to go into the water in the first place._

_Sesshoumaru was angry. It didn't show in his face, but his youki tightened against his body, growing dark and still. There always was a stillness around Sesshoumaru when he was displeased, the calm before the storm, before retribution. Sesshoumaru never let a challenge go unanswered._

_He said something to her. His voice was drowned out by the roar of the waves, and the roar of rising power in her ears._

_The light was beautiful, like a sunrise. Kagome looked down, ignoring Sesshoumaru, and saw that it was rising from her skin. The sky was a leaden gray, as was the storm-tossed sea, as was Sesshoumaru's mood, reflected on his frowning face…_

_She didn't like it when people frowned at her. It was rude._

_She touched his face, meaning to smooth his frown away. She smoothed the whole of him away instead, and he dissolved gently into ash and glowing embers that were carried away by the fierce wind._

_She hadn't meant to do that._

_But where the embers touched the sand white flowers sprouted._

_Kagome looked down at her palm where a ball of white light pulsed angrily, feeling as if it were frowning at her._

_He shouldn't have been so rude, she thought._

_The beach smelled like spring, and the wind was dying down. And there was the light, growing…_

x-x

_Kagome stood in the jungle where she should have died, ankle-deep in mud and glowing. She could feel Sesshoumaru in her head, and she could feel the Other in her head, and beneath that, buried deeper still, the presence of the jewel, slowly melting into her, but not quite there yet…_

_Sesshoumaru was mere feet away. He had been full of killing intent, but now he was calm, exuding an odd acceptance that she didn't understand. She wanted to run to him, burrow into his strength. For a moment she pictured him gathering her close, but of course even if he'd wanted to, that could never happen now._

_"I— I p-probably shouldn't b-be coming closer," she whispered._

_Sesshoumaru simply stared at her. He was looking into her eyes, not at the poisonous glow rising from her body, and when she warned him to move away, he didn't._

_And then she fell. He was there to catch her —why?— and the Other rose hungrily to the surface._

_His eyes went blind. This time, there was no wind to carry the ashes away, only mud and rain._

x-x

Kagome woke sobbing. It was a struggle to free herself from the tangle of nightmares churning around her, but eventually, she succeeded. Her cheeks were sticky with the salt of her tears.

Scraping hair off her face, she opened wet eyes to a gloomy room. She went to wash, stumbling a little on the uneven floor. When she returned the room was already lighter with the silver radiance that filled the sky just before dawn and she saw that a cherry tree had grown through her floor overnight. Its roots had snaked under the bed and dug beneath her pretty hardwood floor, ruining it completely. Thankfully, the branches that pushed against the ceiling and fought for space with the creeping vines that clung to the crossbeams didn't have much hope of dislodging anything, or she might have woken up buried under a heap of rubble.

The air smelled of cherry blossoms and spring. The scent made her slightly ill, so she dressed hastily and escaped into Sesshoumaru's clean, ordered garden.

She did not notice that wherever her feet slapped the floor, small, white flowers grew.

The servants, however, did notice, and by sunrise the tale of her miraculous power had spread, and reached the ears of several young youkai, who eagerly carried it to Rin.

x-x

Rin was excited.

"Kagome-chan can grow flowers out of nothing!" she told Shippo and Kohaku.

Shippo shrugged. "That's a sissy power," he said. "I thought after Sesshoumaru trained her so hard it would turn out to be something good, like his poison whip or maybe a Death Wave."

Rin frowned. "I love flowers," she declared.

"We know," said Shippo. "That's a little hard to miss."

Rin tripped him and he barely evaded a slap to the head.

"Kagome-chan is not a sissy," she admonished. "We should go to her, maybe she can show us how she does it."

"She might wish to be alone," Kohaku interjected.

Shippo appeared to ponder that. "You think? Well, Sesshoumaru worked her pretty hard… Nah. I know Kagome, she's not happy without people around her. She needs someone to coddle."

"Then it's decided." Rin clapped her hands. "We'll go cheer Kagome-chan up. I'm sure she hasn't had breakfast yet. Shippo, you bring the tea. "

"Oi, why me? I'm not a servant."

Rin glared at him. It was Sesshoumaru's iciest glare and it sat oddly on her pretty face. If anything, it looked more chilling than it had on him. "And cakes," she said. "Tea and cakes."

"Okay, sheesh, whatever. You're a menace, you know that?"

Rin smirked and hooked her arm around Kohaku's. "Don't be late," she said.

Shippo fled.

x-x

Sesshoumaru was restless.

He had spent two long, annoying days taking care of the backlog of state business that had accumulated while he was off training Kagome. He had only taken care of the bare necessities during that time and that was making itself felt now. He could no longer see the wood of his desk, buried as it was under a mountain of important documents.

He was only too happy to be interrupted by his aide with the news that Kagome had awakened and was ruining the floors of his fortress by simply walking on them.

He smirked. Jaken would be in a fine rage at what he doubtlessly viewed as disrespect towards his master by a jumped-up human with delusions of godhood. His smirk widened.

He had made a very large mistake in dealing with Kagome. He had evaluated her through the lens of his past experience when she was like nothing he had ever known. Whatever happened, Kagome was at her core a kind, happy girl. Darkness found no purchase on her soul. Persephone's darkness was no different.

Kagome was necessary to him. How she had managed to become so in such a short time he couldn't quite understand, but it was fact. More importantly, he was necessary to her. He had not quite understood that before. Together they were more than the sum of their parts. Even though he had betrayed her, he could not keep away now without punishing both of them, and she had been punished enough.

He would have to find another way to repay his debt.

But first, he would have to deal with the mountain of paperwork that had not noticeably diminished since the day before.

x-x

Kagome sat in a ring of vegetation, feeling miserable.

It had taken her a mere hour to ruin the Zen of Sesshoumaru's carefully raked gravel. Another cherry tree had sprouted right in front of her, obscuring what had been a splendid view of the floating islands.

The air around her was golden. Expectant.

Once unleashed, godly powers were apparently very hard to contain again. Unlike her purification, which rarely responded as she wanted it to, this power was eager to be used. It thrummed right under the surface of her skin, a hair away from discharge.

Sesshoumaru had said she didn't have it in her to hurt anybody. To kill. Maybe he was right. This power, though, it was not wholly hers. She could feel it was alive, a parasite that clung to her, giving her immortality but taking more…

It hated Sesshoumaru. Maybe it remembered him from Persephone's death, remembered that he had deprived it of its vessel. She didn't know how she had made it stop, there in the jungle, and she was not eager to risk that a second time.

"Good morning, Kagome-chan!" Rin chirped from behind her.

Kagome jumped.

"Don't come any closer, Rin!" she urged. It was too late.

Rin entered the golden ring, tugging Kohaku behind her, and laughed delightedly at the froth of flowers tickling her feet.

The power that had risen so hungrily towards Sesshoumaru didn't so much as twitch.

"This is so pretty!" Rin said. "What are these flowers called?"

Kagome looked down at the flowers that were as foreign as her power, meant for Mediterranean meadows instead of a youkai's garden. "I don't know," she admitted.

Rin shrugged. "I love them anyway," she said firmly. "May I pick a few?"

Kagome wanted to say no, don't touch them, they're poisonous, but that was silly. They were just flowers.

"Sure," she said weakly. "Go ahead."

Rin did, with a sigh of pleasure. Kohaku nodded at Kagome and followed suit, carefully selecting a perfect bloom and severing it from the stem.

How sweet. The boy was smitten with Rin. Kagome nearly smiled, forgetting her troubles for a moment. She would have to tell Sango. And Miroku.

Miroku, who had bound his wind tunnel to keep it from consuming everything in its path. She bit her lip, suddenly excited. Maybe she could bind her power too. It wasn't like she needed it.

"Hey Kagome," said Shippo.

He was carrying a tray laden with tea and sweets, and for some reason he was glowering at Rin. The girl ignored him.

Kagome smiled. "Hello Shippo. It's so nice of you to bring breakfast."

He grinned at her. "Sure," he said. She noticed that his voice was starting to break, wavering between his usual high childish tones and a rough timbre that sounded a little like Inuyasha.

Shippo settled the tray on a wide boulder and motioned everyone over. As Kagome moved, fresh grasses sprouted in her path.

Rin clapped, her eyes wide with delight.

"I have to admit, this is sort of cool," Shippo said. "If a bit creepy. Do you grow vines, too?"

Kagome recalled her ceiling. "I think so."

"That's good," Shippo said. "You can use them to strangle your opponent."

"Yes," said Kohaku. "Or grow the vines through your opponent's body."

Kagome shook her head. Boys were so bloodthirsty. "Or I could just use them to bind this imaginary opponent," she said.

"Oh no," said Rin, while the boys shook their heads sadly. "That's only postponing the problem."

"Yeah," Shippo said. "Prisoners are no good."

"Unless you need information," Kohaku added.

"Of course," said Rin. "I suppose growing vines through somebody's body might encourage them to talk."

"Information acquired through torture is never reliable," Kagome said, because it was a little horrifying to hear them talk so lightly about torture. She'd read that in a magazine somewhere, in one of her rare forays home. Or maybe she'd heard it on tv. She couldn't quite remember.

"Actually with youkai, it's pretty reliable," Shippo said. "Most youkai have no loyalty to anyone except themselves."

"Did Sesshoumaru teach you that?" Kagome demanded.

"No, that was Miroku."

Kohaku nodded. "Sango says the same."

Kagome was torn. On the one hand, she didn't want to encourage this kind of thinking. On the other hand most youkai she had met were in fact like that, except for the wolves. "It depends on the youkai, I suppose. Although with Sesshoumaru to protect you, I don't think you'll have the opportunity to test this theory."

Rin shrugged. "Sesshoumaru-sama says we have to be able to defend ourselves because he can't be everywhere at once and we are a bunch of immature children who will get into trouble eventually no matter what he does."

"I guess I can see where he's coming from," Kagome said. "Is anybody else thirsty?"

"I am!" Rin piped up.

After carefully setting aside the flowers she had picked, Rin poured the tea into little cups and distributed them while Kagome set the cakes on tiny plates.

Shippo ate three cakes in one gulp.

Kagome took a sip of her tea, promptly scalding her tongue. Her new golden powers did nothing about that, choosing instead to grow more grass. She really had to have a talk with Miroku soon.

"Tho," she said to Rin, "Ithn't your birthday coming up thoon?"

"Oh yes!" Rin said. "The day after tomorrow. We're going to have a picnic—well, another one, and pick flowers and make nice wreaths. Sesshoumaru-sama looks beautiful in a wreath."

Shippo laughed. "He does?"

"I wouldn't laugh at that again, if I were you," Rin said airily.

"Yeah," Shippo said. "Wouldn't want to wear my entrails as a wreath."

"That'th very thenthible of you," Kagome lisped absently. For some reason she was picturing Sesshoumaru with vines tangled in his hair and wearing nothing else, which was certainly not what Rin had intended.

No, she thought, shaking herself. No matter how much she might want to, she wouldn't touch Sesshoumaru before she wasn't sure that her stupid new powers wouldn't harm him.

She bit into a cake, heedless of her numb tongue. She would need her energy.

"Do you know were Ah-Un ith?" she asked Rin.

x-x

It had been slightly embarrassing to walk to the stables with flowers trailing in her wake. Hushed whispers and awed looks punctuated her progress.

Only the old stable master, a white-haired inu-youkai by the name of Takeshi, didn't seem to care one way or the other and Ah-Un had been pleased to see her.

"The Lord gave you permission?" he asked her.

"Heh, sort of," said Kagome, hoping he wouldn't ask her to clarify.

He didn't. He just shrugged and saddled the dragon, who shifted from foot to foot in its eagerness to be off on a new adventure.

The ride on the Ah-Un's back brought back fond memories. Up among the clouds the air still smelled like winter instead of artificial spring. It was too cold for comfort. Interestingly, it was also too cold for moping. Kagome found herself shivering so hard she could concentrate on little else. In a way, it was a relief.

When she saw the familiar outlines of the village from the air it was all she could do not to cry. The tears would have frozen to her cheeks.

The villagers were happy to see her. She had been way for months, long enough for her return to make her the most interesting bit of news the village had seen in a while. After all, she had gone away with a beautiful demon lord to be his wife. At least that was the agreed upon theory, Kaede told her over tea with a twinkle in her eye.

"How have you been?" Kagome asked her. Even though she had been away mere months, Kaede suddenly looked a lot older and more frail than Kagome remembered her. She wondered whether being surrounded by ageless youkai had skewed her perspective, or whether Kaede was slowly reaching that part of old age where the descent into death sped up, and there was nothing anybody could do.

"Quite well," Kaede said, moving awkwardly around the hut. After a bit of rummaging she found a shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders on top of the one she already wore. "Winters are always hard," she added. "But it's been good to have everyone in the village for good. Well. What about you, my girl? How's Sesshoumaru treating you?"

Kagome hesitated. "Well enough," she said. "Sesshoumaru's not the problem."

"Ah," Kaede said. "You're in trouble, then."

Kagome blushed. "I suppose I am. Am I that transparent?"

Kaede chuckled. "Not to everyone. But I've known you for a while now. Don't fret; hanyou pregnancies are not nearly as hard as everyone says."

"What?" said Kagome.

"You're pregnant, aren't you? A youkai in his prime like that, and a young woman like you, it was just a matter of time."

"Oh no, Kaede, we haven't—"

Kaede frowned. "Whyever not? I've seen the way he looked at you. I would've expected the both of you to heat up the sheets the moment you returned to that fortress."

"Well, actually I'm not sure exactly why not," Kagome said hesitantly. "There was never a right time, I suppose. I might have been a little… skittish. And finally doing, you know, it's a big decision."

"Maybe. But if you put it off much longer you'll end up an old maid like me."

Kagome got up and hugged her. Kaede tolerated the embrace for a moment then gently removed herself, looking thoughtful. She gave a parting pat to Kagome's hair.

"You're a sweet girl," she said. "But you're stubborn, too, and that has its downsides. You see, a few years back I would have said a youkai and a miko have no business being together. Now… Now I say take love where you find it, and let nobody tell you different."

"I would," Kagome said. "But right now, I can't. That's why I came."

Kaede settled back with a creak of aged joints, cradling a cup of tea in her hands. "Go on."

"Do you remember the night of the wish?"

"The night you all came back changed, and my sister rose from the dead?" Kaede asked dryly.

"You have a point," Kagome admitted. "Anyway, the jewel did something to me that night. Turns out it gave me powers that used to belong to a goddess who's now dead."

"You mean the power to grow that grass you're sitting on?" Kaede said. "And those are awfully pretty flowers."

"Oh," Kagome said. "I'm so sorry! I didn't even notice! I thought—"

"Don't you dare apologize, my girl," Kaede said. "It's been a lot warmer in this old hut since you entered, and you've made me feel years younger with just a hug. It's plain as the nose on my face that you have powers you didn't used to have. They suit you, though. A goddess, huh? I guess now it's Sesshoumaru trading up."

The thought seemed to amuse her. She laughed, a hoarse smoker's laugh.

Kagome winced. Kaede had never smoked in her life. The winter must have done a number on her lungs.

"What's the trouble, then?" Kaede said when she had stopped laughing. "The power suits you, everybody can see that."

"It's not that simple. The goddess who had it before me, she was cruel. She could turn back time, erase whole lives. She did it who everybody who did something she didn't approve of. She— she kept their souls in bottles."

"Well, of course she was," Kaede said gently. "Gods are even more childish than youkai, and they've got even less of a chance of growing up. I reckon she just behaved as her mother had taught her and never grew out of it. Gods are simple creatures. You won't ever be like her. You were always too kind for your own good."

"That's good to hear," Kagome said. And it was. "The problem is that Sesshoumaru killed her, and the power recognizes him somehow. I think it wants to kill him."

"Ah," Kaede said. "That is a problem. I must think on it a while. Power doesn't have a mind of its own, though."

"No," Kagome said slowly. "But it could carry an imprint of its wearer, couldn't it? Persephone, that's her name, had it for thousands of years, I think."

"That it might. If so, it will fade in time."

"Do you think I can bind it somehow?"

"You would have to ask Miroku about that. I wouldn't advise it, though. Binding's not healthy, not when the power's part of you. It might turn inward."

"I need to control it. I don't want to hurt Sesshoumaru. I _can't_."

"Like that, is it?"

"Yes."

"Does he know you're trying to protect him?"

"I don't know. He thinks I went off to clear my head. Things were… touch and go there for a moment."

"I can imagine," Kaede said, setting down her teacup with a slightly trembling hand. Kagome thought she really could.

She wondered if she was selfish, coming to her friends with this. The troubles she and Sesshoumaru had were larger than life, the stuff of fairytales. The kind that could probably be solved with a grand gesture of some sort. Kaede on the other hand was dying, and nobody in the world could solve that.

"I'm sorry to bother you with this," Kagome said.

Kaede shrugged her apology away. "Nonsense. It's a neat puzzle, this, and I've been bored out of my skull since my sister took over the miko business."

"How is Kikyo doing?"

"Well enough now, with the child on the way. She's happy. Working hard, always was a hard worker that one, but she's learned to cherish the quieter moments. Inuyasha's a good husband."

Kagome grinned. "A child? A little hanyou?"

Kaede shrugged. "More human than youkai, that child. A boy, from the look of her belly."

"When is she due?"

"Sometime in spring. Hanyou take a while longer than human babies, so it's hard to tell."

"That's good news. I'm sure Inuyasha's excited."

"He is. Frightened, too."

Kagome thought about Inuyasha's terrible childhood. "He would be."

"No, not like that," Kaede said, reading her mind again. "I think he's afraid of complications."

"Are they very likely?"

"There's always a risk with hanyous, but nothing's happened so far. Kikyo's looking well, and being a miko she can tell how the pregnancy's going a lot better than a simple human. And she can do something about it. The child's youki isn't hurting her… It looks good."

"I might be able to help, when the time comes."

"I'm sure Kikyo would like that. She's thankful to you."

"I'm just happy things turned out so well for her and Inuyasha."

x-x

Kagome spent the afternoon with Kaede. Sango and Miroku had been gone on patrol since the morning and weren't expected back until nightfall. Kikyo was doing the rounds of neighbouring villages with Inuyasha along as protection.

The two of them returned first.

Kagome barely recognized Kikyo, swaddled up against the cold as she was. There was no way to even tell she was pregnant, except from the tiny glow of life Kagome felt pulsing in her belly.

They were both happy to see her, although Kikyo was clearly exhausted and retreated to her and Inuyasha's hut for a rest after a short but heartfelt exchange.

After, Inuyasha took Kagome to the Goshinboku to catch up on old times and exchange news.

"So, you preggers yet?" he asked after they had exhausted the news of their various acquaintances.

Kagome blinked. "Not unless it's immaculate conception," she finally said.

"You mean you haven't…?"

"No." Not yet, she wanted to say. But of course, that would take some explaining.

Inuyasha was incensed.

"Kagome… what the hell is that bastard doing, stringing you along like that?"

Despite herself, Kagome wanted to laugh. You mean like you did? she wanted to ask, but she knew Inuyasha hadn't seen the parallels. After all, he wasn't exactly given to introspection.

"It's complicated," she said. "It wasn't right for us yet."

Inuyasha laughed. "So it's you stringing him along. I like that."

Kagome slapped his shoulder lightly. "It's not like that."

"Sure is. You overthink things. Always did."

"Except when I ran headfirst into danger?"

"Yeah." He smiled at her, eyes suddenly soft with remembrance. "Except then."

"You look really well, Inuyasha. Happy."

"I guess I am," he said.

"I'm glad."

He frowned at his hands. "I'm not really used to it. I keep waiting for things to go wrong again, I guess."

"That's not going to happen," Kagome said. "Naraku's gone. You deserve a good life, you and Kikyo, and you're going to have it."

"I'm afraid for Kikyo," he confided. "She's pregnant with a hanyou."

"I know. Kaede told me. It's wonderful news."

"Kaede-baba said it's more dangerous than a normal pregnancy, and those are already plenty dangerous."

"I'm sure she'll be okay, Inuyasha."

"I don't know what I'll do if she— If because of me, she—"

On an impulse, Kagome picked up his hand and squeezed it. "Don't think like that. You make her happy. You take good care of her. And she's very happy about the baby. I could tell."

"She insists on working. She's so far along already. I don't think it's good for her. She won't let me keep her home." He scratched the back of his neck. "So thickheaded. You know, sometimes she reminds me of you."

Kagome laughed. "So now it's the other way around?"

"Just sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pining or anything. It's just… she's a lot more stubborn than she used to be."

"Somehow I don't believe that. I think you've just gotten to know each other better. Back then, you worshipped her. I don't think you ever tried to tell her what to do."

"Well, no," he admitted.

"See?"

"I guess. Anyway, I wouldn't worry so much. It's healthier for her to be out and about, instead of at home brooding. And she's a miko, she knows what she can and can't do. She must have attended lots of births back in the day."

"I suppose."

"It's going to be alright, Inuyasha. I'm sure of it."

He hesitated. "If something— If there's trouble, will you help?"

"Of course. Kaede said she's due in a couple of months. I promise I'll be here early, with a bag and everything."

"That's good."

"Kagome?"

"Yes?"

"I'm really happy the bastard stopped me, back after we offed Naraku. I would have made a really selfish wish. You brought Kikyo back. I don't think I can thank you enough, but I'll try. If you ever need me…"

"We're friends, Inuyasha. You saved me often enough." She kissed his cheek, feeling lighter than she had in ages. "I was just returning the favor."

x-x

Sesshoumaru eyed the diminishing pile on his desk with some disgust and a lot more impatience, and briefly considered employing a few accidental drops of poison.

He wanted to put it behind him. Usually, dealing with administrative work and petty power plays from neighbouring lords was sort of soothing, and certainly good strategic practice. Right now, it was simply bothersome. He wanted to concentrate on Kagome, and that required a different sort of strategy altogether.

He sighed and went to make himself a cup of tea. The delicate green tea flavored with foreign spices had been a present from Kagome, a little token of her appreciation for him as an ally back when they were still fighting Naraku. He had kept it because the ornate paper bag carried her scent, of purity and the flowery shampoo she used, and because even then, she had been a secret weakness.

Cup of tea in hand he settled back at the desk and, inhaling the fragrant steam, surveyed the remaining work. It was going to be a long night.

x-x

Miroku and Sango were so warm and welcoming that Kagome was transported back to simpler times, whe it had been just the few of them against the world. Before she knew it, she had told them everything. Now Sango comforted her while Miroku stared thoughtfully into his sake.

"Kagome-sama. Could you let me see this power?" he finally said.

Plants had stopped growing in her wake several hours ago. Kagome wasn't sure if she was ready to invite that back in.

"I'm not so sure it's safe," she said carefully.

"That's okay, Kagome-chan," Sango said. "You don't have it in you to hurt anybody."

"That's what Sesshoumaru said. I think he was wrong."

"We'll be careful," Miroku said. "You don't have to do anything with the power, just call it."

Kagome did. It rose sluggishly, as if from far away.

"It's harder now," she said, surprised.

Miroku nodded, as if she's confirmed a private suspicion.

Finally, her skin was glowing a gentle gold.

"You said the light was different when Sesshoumaru touched you. After you fought. More peach?"

"Yes. It felt like the jewel. I don't remember it very clearly."

Miroku scratched absently at his chin. "Hmm."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't think binding is the right thing to do here," Miroku said. "Kaede was right about that. You only need to be sure that you control it."

"Yes, and right now I don't."

"I think you have been instinctively doing the right thing from the moment this started. This power you have, it's not infinite. There was a lot of it at first because you came into it all at once, but you've been shedding it as quickly as you could."

"The flowers," Kagome said.

"Yes."

"But that's not the problem. The unmaking is. I can erase people from existence with a touch!" she wailed.

Miroku took her hand and patted it, ignoring the faint golden glow. "Not that you ever would, Kagome-sama. Sesshoumaru was right about that. And it's the same power driving both, I think."

Sango patted her hair in counterpoint to Miroku. Kagome thought about how that must look, the two of them patting her absently while trying to solve her problems for her, and she had to laugh a little.

"I still can't control it," she pointed out, slightly calmer now.

"I think you can," Miroku said. "Try to push it back."

Kagome concentrated. The glow receded reluctantly, but it did recede. "Oh."

"Kagome-sama. You have been trying to control a flood that's been building up for however long this power has been dormant," Miroku said. "There was no way that could have worked."

"But then Sesshoumaru should be—"

"Dead? Yes. That is a different puzzle altogether. In any case, I don't think the power will ever build up that high again. Part of it is sustaining your immortality. The other part will discharge naturally every now and again. Perhaps you might wish to plant a garden of your own."

A place where she could go to rid herself of surplus power. "I suppose that might work. But it still hates Sesshoumaru. Not as much as before maybe, but still—"

"That too, will fade, Kagome-sama. You are the new vessel. It will forget the shape of the old one soon enough. And until then…"

"The jewel," Kagome said, suddenly understanding where this was going. "The jewel is still there, too. It's fading into me, but it's not gone yet."

"Yes. You might be able to turn that to your advantage," Miroku said.

She frowned angrily. "I feel like a puppet."

"No. You control the jewel," Miroku said. "You always have. It was reborn inside you. It was always yours to control. From what you told me, Persephone's power has a defined purpose. The jewel's power is more amorphous, and as such greater. It must be, if it could take the essence of a goddess and pour it into you."

"So until I learn to control the unmaking on my own, I can learn to control it through the jewel."

"You did that already, or Sesshoumaru would be dead. Now it's just a matter of repeating that."

It was a frustrating thought. Controlling her purification powers had been an uphill battle that lasted ages. The notion of going through that again made her feel tired. "It took me years to learn to control my miko powers even a bit."

"It will be quicker now," Miroku said. "All spiritual power is the same."

"Can you help me?"

"Of course." He smirked. "Eager to return to Sesshoumaru?"

"It's Rin's birthday in two days. I'd like to attend if I can."

Miroku laughed. "Of course, Kagome-sama. Whatever you say."

x-x

In the end, it was surprisingly easy. They went out into the back garden and by the light of a single feeble lantern Miroku made Kagome practice the unmaking on a stone, which did nothing except yield a slightly larger stone, and then he had her use the jewel to stop herself just before that tug of time sliding backwards.

Miroku had been right. The jewel was stronger. And with every use, Kagome could feel Persephone's power yielding to her a little more, like a pet eager for approval.

It took the rest of the evening until she was sure she had it, but it was just as exhausting as one of Sesshoumaru's drills. At the end of it she could no longer summon even a trickle of power.

At Sango's invitation Kagome ate with her friends, uncaring that the meal consisted largely of rabbit meat and little else.

She felt tired but happy.

"I suppose I should leave," she said eventually. A part of her was sad to leave her friends again so soon. A much larger part couldn't wait to get back to Sesshoumaru.

"Are you sure you should fly at night, Kagome-chan?"

"Ah-Un can see in the dark and it doesn't bother me," Kagome said. "It's not like there are any dangerous youkai prowling the woods with you out patrolling every day."

"Perhaps," Miroku said, "But there is quite a bit more between the Western Lands and our humble village than just these woods. If you could wait one more day until Kirara returns, one of us could escort you back."

"No, really," Kagome said. "I was fine on the way here, I'll be just as fine on the way back. Besides, nobody's going to want to take me on now that I've got these awesome new powers."

"Which are now all but depleted," Miroku pointed out.

"I could go with you," Inuyasha said. "I can run at least as fast as your dragon can fly."

"And leave your pregnant wife alone? Seriously guys, nothing's going to happen to me."

"Actually, I would welcome a little breathing room," Kikyo said with a glare towards Inuyasha.

They looked at each other.

"You're still the baby of our little group, Kagome," Sango finally said. "You can't blame us for worrying."

Kagome hugged her. "Of course not. But I'm all grown up, and I really don't want to inconvenience any of you more than I already have."

There was another silent exchange of glances. Inuyasha sighed.

"Whatever," he said gruffly. "Don't blame us if you get yourself kidnapped again."

Kagome laughed. "I'm not fifteen anymore, Inuyasha, and the jewel's gone for good."

Sango smiled and clutched Kagome tightly to her. "Send a message as soon as you're home. And come back soon to visit, okay, Kagome-chan?"

Kagome blinked back tears. "I will," she promised fiercely.

She had been mistaken. It was really hard to leave her friends.

She turned away from Sango with a sniff and went to hug Miroku. He hugged her back loosely, a curious smile on his lips. "Thank you again," she whispered.

"It was my pleasure, Kagome-sama," he said. His eyes twinkled.

She would have hugged Inuyasha but it seemed awkward with his wife standing so close. She did hug Kikyo though, careful of the other woman's pregnant belly.

Then she hurried to Ah-Un and climbed on his back. I'm not going to cry, she thought.

"Hey Kagome. Go put that bastard out of his misery," Inuyasha called. When Kikyo slapped his shoulder he just grinned.

A sound between a laugh and a sob escaped her. "I'll do my best, Inuyasha!"

x-x

Sesshoumaru stretched like a cat and surveyed the once more pristine surface of his desk with satisfaction.

It was much too late to talk to Kagome, but he could check in on her. See if she was sleeping well. She was bound to have nightmares. Maybe she would need comforting.

It took quite a bit of effort not to run down the hallways like a little boy.

Even before he slid aside the screen door, he knew she wasn't inside.

He tracked her scent all over the fortress and then to the stables. Takeshi knew him well enough not to be alarmed when Sesshoumaru grabbed hold of his yukata and barked at him with glowing eyes.

"Where is she?"

"Your lady? She took Ah-Un for a stroll. Really, Sesshoumaru-sama, there's no need to be grabby."

"_Where._"

But of course, he knew where she had gone. Sesshoumaru thought of the mound of paperwork he had just worked through, detailing the many dangers awaiting someone allied with him outside the walls of his fortress. Nothing he could not protect his allies from, but Kagome was out there alone, and still so weak, whatever she might think.

He pushed Takeshi away and took to the sky in a burst of youki.

There was no way he was going to be late.

x-x

It happened so quickly, there was nothing Kagome could have done.

A slash of light and then Ah-Un was tumbling out of the night sky like a leaf caught in a whirlwind and Kagome was tossed free to fall a lot faster.

She thought trees rose up to meet her fall, but she couldn't be sure.

She woke up some time later. She was lying on stone—nothing else could every be so uncomfortable—and someone's excited youki was buffeting her own weakened aura, irritating her into awareness. She tried to move and winced. Her whole body felt like one big bruise.

"Ah, you are awake," said the youkai. He sounded pleased. "Welcome to your humble prison. I am, of course, delighted to have such an illustrious guest. I must confess, I wouldn't have thought the shikon miko herself would grace me with her presence so soon. What a happy circumstance."

Kagome blinked and tried to make out the shape of her captor in the gloom. She must be in a cave, she thought, going by the damp air and the absence of light. She could see only a faint outline of the youkai looming over her. He was large and broad-shouldered, that much she could tell. Going by his voice he was an adult male and his youki felt very familiar. She had felt youki much like this just hours ago, in fact she—

Ah-Un.

This youkai felt like Ah-Un, which could only mean one thing: she was screwed.


	9. Burn, Baby, Burn

Over five thousand words in one day thanks to the power of a good soundtrack. Man, I _missed_ writing.

.

* * *

_.  
_

_~Burn, Baby, Burn~_

There were a few things Kagome would have dearly dispensed with in her new, enhanced life. Waking up with a splitting headache after a traumatic event was one of them. She'd had quite a few of those recently and didn't feel that she required another quite so soon. Too bad her psychotic youkai kidnapper hadn't gotten that particular memo.

She surreptitiously rubbed her aching butt and wondered why these kinds of things always happened to her. She had a few suspicions though. Associating with Sesshoumaru in such an obvious way was bound to attract all sorts of lunatics trying to make their name by hurting the great Western Lord in some manner or wrenching concessions from him by imprisoning a female under his protection. While any sane person knew this kind of plan only led to a nondescript resting place six feet under, but there were quite a few youkai out there who thought they were the second coming of Ryukotsusei, only luckier. She suspected the dragon holding her captive was just the type, and while she was pretty sure that his future held only an unceremonious death at Sesshoumaru's hands, that didn't mean she wasn't in danger.

She should have accepted that offer of escort after all. Hindsight was really annoying.

The youkai loomed over her, watching with interest as she tried to massage away the pain in her various aching body parts.

She squinted up at him and tried for a tentative smile. Just because her night vision was terrible didn't mean his was, and for the moment it was in her interest to appear as accommodating as possible.

"Hi there," she said. "Lovely cave. So nice of you to invite me. I'd rather not impose on your hospitality for very long, if that's okay with you."

"Ah, a sense of humor," her kidnapper said. "How refreshing." He slowly angled his head so his reptilian eyes refracted the poor light in a menacing way. A move right out of Master Villain 101. Kagome had to admire his panache.

If only he would prove as free with information as the average master villain was in movies. Gloating took time.

"So, you seem to know who I am already," Kagome prompted.

"Oh yes. So young and already a legend among your peers." He sketched a bow. "I am Kuzuryu," he said. "I would say at your service, but I fear it's the other way around."

A seriously twisted sense of humor, Kagome thought. That was a bad sign. In her experience youkai like him didn't really understand humor. His name told her nothing except that he was a dragon, as suspected. His manner of speech was a lot more elegant and flowery than she was used to from youkai. Clearly well bred, possibly well-traveled.

She had been kidnapped often enough, but even through the throbbing pain in her skull it began to dawn on her that this particular kidnapper was different.

"So," Kuzuryu began conversationally, "I see that Sesshoumaru has inherited some of his father's more unfortunate traits. Living with not only one human female, but two. Taking in strays. Very quaint."

Letting herself be goaded would serve no purpose.

"I'm sure many youkai think so," she agreed. "Why am I here, exactly?"

"Well, I thought that would be obvious. The shikon, for one. Of course, it was a bit troubling to find that you don't have it on you."

"The jewel is gone," Kagome said, glad that she didn't have to lie.

"Hmm," he said, crouching before her with an abruptness that made her flinch. He sniffed her throat. "That sounded suspiciously like the truth."

"I wouldn't lie about something like this. I'm not stupid."

He pulled back. "Hn. How disappointing. I was looking forward to a spot of persuasion. I rarely get to use my skills on females, you understand."

More than anything, it was the airy tone that sent chills down her spine.

"Perfectly," she said, aware that her fear perfumed the air. He smiled at her.

Her fear and the idea of torture seemed to excite him. His youki flared as his eyes took on a feverish gleam. The youki was oddly weak. Judging from what she felt, this was one of the weakest human-shaped youkai she had ever met. She wondered how he thought he could take on Sesshoumaru. On the other hand he'd had no trouble shooting Ah-Un out of the sky and he was unsettlingly relaxed, already utterly sure of his victory.

Kagome realized she could not let even a hint of power leak out as long as she wasn't sure it was enough to take him.

If this youkai even suspected that the jewel was still inside her, or that she had any power worth mentioning, he would tear her open without even the smallest hesitation. She needed time. And to gain that, she would have to use the only weapon left at her disposal.

Kagome suppressed the urge to flinch as he leaned in with the same snakelike abruptness as before and sniffed her throat again. This close up she could see him well enough by the luminescence of his reptilian eyes. He had a handsome face, more fine-boned than Sesshoumaru's, and long dark hair.

"You don't smell very human," he said thoughtfully, touching a single finger to her throat. "And you have such soft skin." The finger painted a meandering along her collarbone, then he cupped her throat delicately.

"Then we're even," she murmured calmly, because the alternative was screaming. "You don't smell like dog."

He stared into her eyes for a moment, his fingers a silent threat around her throat. Kagome stared back.

After a long minute, he threw back his head and laughed. The sound was so sudden and explosive that she could not suppress another flinch. The laughter cut off as abruptly as it started. He drew his hand back.

He might be weak but he was _fast_. She would have to remember that.

They stared at each other some more. Kagome tried to look intrigued by his predatory focus. It was difficult when all she felt was creeped out.

Minutes passed.

"You don't like dogs?" he asked suddenly into the silence.

Kagome shrugged.

"Come, miko," he said. "Your devotion to the half-breed is legendary. Pitiful, but legendary."

"That was the other me," Kagome said. Let's see how much he knew.

"The priestess Kikyo? The one who tried to kill him more times than I can count?" He smiled at her, all teeth. "Do not underestimate the power of a good informant network. And please, do not try to play me. It would be uncomfortable for all concerned."

Crap. Okay, he knew enough for it to become a problem. Kagome wondered whether their quest against Naraku had been nothing more than a long soap opera to the people of the Sengoku Jidai. She supposed she should be thankful there was no printing press that would have allowed tabloids. She could see the headlines now: "Nubile Miko's Advances Summarily Rejected Again. Will She Ever Learn?" and more, in this new issue of the Sengoku Jidai Times…

Ugh. She must have hit her head harder than she thought. She had to concentrate on her enemy.

"I was young," she finally said. "We all make mistakes when we're young. And it's not like Inuyasha ever acknowledged what I did for him."

"He wasn't a very good dog then."

"No. It's just that he was Kikyo's dog, not mine."

"I see," said Kuzuryu. "I must say, you are not at all what I expected."

"Maybe you need better informants?"

He smiled. "No, not at all what I expected," he murmured. "How interesting. I am very sorry I have to do this."

Reaching into his pocket, he extracted a metal ring. It glimmered gold in the half light. A bracelet? He fiddled with it until it opened into two half-circles around a hidden hinge. He lifted it very slowly to her neck, savoring the moment the realization leaked into her eyes.

It was not a bracelet at all. It was a collar.

"Is this really necessary?" she asked softly, proud when her voice did not quite crack with the sudden panic, but she did not dare to believe that he wouldn't notice. He would have smelled the adrenaline rush regardless.

"I regret to say it is," Kuzuryu said. "You have been very agreeable so far, not at all the half-crazed termagant I was told to expect. As such, I hope you will accept the need for added safeguards. After all, he who does not take care of his things deserves to lose them."

"I suppose," she said. It took all she had not to whimper when the collar closed coldly around her throat. It hummed with some kind of unpleasant power. It felt like a strong electric field was vibrating against her skin and Kagome understood on a bone-deep level that had nothing to do with knowledge and anything to do with instinct that this thing could take her head off.

"Just a precaution," the youkai said, sitting back. "As much as I like Sesshoumaru, he tends to be a tad unreasonable when it comes to his possessions."

"So what is it you want, exactly?" Kagome asked. If her voice trembled a little now, she could not help it.

"I want quite a few things," he said. "I no particular order I want my family dead, I want humans to take their rightful place at our feet, I want—"

"From Sesshoumaru," Kagome bit out. "What is it that you want from Sesshoumaru."

"Ah, finally a flicker of that famous temper," he exclaimed, delighted. "Do you always use anger to defeat your fear? Fascinating. And Sesshoumaru, is it? Not Sesshoumaru-sama?"

Kagome tried to calm down. She could not afford to give in to impulse with him, not if she wanted to live.

"We have been allies for a long time," she said coolly.

"Yes, but Sesshoumaru never lets his allies forget their place," he said. "I should know."

Kagome refrained from answering that. It was occurring to her that talking to Kuzuryu might very well prove more dangerous that being silent and hoping that his diatribes would be long-winded enough that her powers had a chance to replenish themselves. Of course it didn't help that she had no idea how long that would take, and no way to test them before she tried to escape.

Kuzuryu did not seem bothered by the abrupt end of their conversation. He simply stood there, humming a creepy little melody to himself. Kagome wondered whether he was unhinged or simply what passed for eccentric among youkai. Clearly nobody had seen him as enough of a threat to bother killing him so far. Big mistake.

"How long you you plan on keeping me here?"

"Oh, that depends. You see, I left Sesshoumaru's cow bleeding in the forest. Did you know that two-headed dragons mind-link with their masters in the egg? They are born right into slavery. They never know another way of life. It will be calling to him."

"You want to get Sesshoumaru here?"

Okay, that did sound more than a little demented. Maybe there was hope for her after all.

"You think I'm insane, don't you?" He laughed again.

"Not as such…"

"It's all right, you can admit it. Oh, I am really looking forward to seeing your face when we meet. But of course I won't be able to do that, since Sesshoumaru will be there and you will be here, and then of course he'll be dead."

Kagome had seen Sesshoumaru fight. Kuzuryu's overconfidence would be his death. She hoped he wouldn't kill her before his planned showdown, though.

"I know what you think," he sang. "You think Sesshoumaru is invincible."

Kagome bit her tongue. It wouldn't do to anger him now.

"You know, they used to say that about his father too. In the end, all it took to destroy him was a pitiful human. And, of course, his own weakness. Some say history likes to repeat. I say they're right."

Kagome had no idea what to say to that. She knew Sesshoumaru was insanely strong, she knew he would win this, but a tiny thread of doubt was creeping in, cutting off her air. Preoccupied with her silent worries she did not notice how much time had passed in awkward silence as Kuzuryu jumped lightly to his feet.

"It's time!" he announced cheerfully. "Please do not try to leave the cave before I return. It would prove unpleasant."

"I'll die, you mean. I thought you were convinced I had the jewel."

He waved that away. "I still am. However, I have been planning this for a very long time, sweet miko. Possessing the shikon would be a bonus, the crowning achievement of my perfect victory, but your death would hurt Sesshoumaru even as he burns in purgatory. I'm not picky."

x-x

Sesshoumaru knelt beside Ah-Un and laid his hand on the dragon's neck listening to the sounds of the forest. The dragon's breathing was labored and feeble, but help would have to wait. This had all the hallmarks of an ambush.

On cue, there was a flash of youki to his right and a cultured voice rose in mocking greeting. "Ah, finally, the Western Lord himself. I am Kuzuryu. You might have heard of me."

Slowly, Sesshoumaru turned around.

"I do not make it a habit to learn the name of every vermin that crosses my path," he said. The dead dragon before him—and he would be dead after a very painful interlude that Sesshoumaru was going to enjoy immensely—carried Kagome's scent.

Sesshoumaru pushed back his rage with an effort. It would not do to get sidetracked.

The dragon shrugged. "Vermin? Really, there's no need to be like that. Don't you want to know where your miko is? Not that you'll see her again before you die, but still. Let's just observe protocol, shall we?"

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes. The reptile was talkative and treacherous, but it was also weak. Sesshoumaru wondered why it thought it would have even the smallest chance to come out of this alive.

He waited for it to tell him.

"You see," it said, nearly bouncing with giddiness, "it was clear to me that such an all around unpleasant fellow like you would have made a few enemies along the way. It was simply a matter of finding the ones with the right motivation. And means. I must admit I had to travel a lot farther than I thought to actually find them, but here they are. Girls?"

Dark grey smoke rose from the steaming earth, curling lazily around the enemy and then splitting abruptly into three columns of fire. The fire snapped and hissed, belching out three nightmarish shapes.

Three pairs of shredded leather wings snapped open. Three pairs of eyes like glowing coals fixed on Sesshoumaru.

In his mind, Sesshoumaru said a really offensive swearword. Tenseiga whined as he slipped it from its scabbard.

A wave of primal terror erupted from the fire, choking everything in its path. Trees shook in a silent gale. Branches snapped and were whipped past trembling trunks in whorls of dust and leaves. The sky grew dark with roiling clouds.

Sesshoumaru's youki erupted and flared up and outwards in a silent conflagration.

With a skittering laugh the enemy bounded away to watch.

The furies lunged.

x-x

After an instructive few minutes of careful fiddling with the collar, Kagome had discovered that the thing not only held a magical charge strong enough to blow up the entire cave, it also suppressed her purification powers.

To make things worse she kept feeling as if time had just run out and with every second's delay a dark future was squeezing like a noose around her throat.

She searched her body for the tiniest dregs of power, painstakingly collecting each little spark where it rose: her mouth where a bruise flowered, her hair where it had gotten singed by the blast, a small pool behind her aching eyes.

She fed it into the collar as carefully as she could. The energy field flared once, making her break out in a cold sweat, then subsided as the unmaking began. Moments later, a chunk of gold-veined rock fell to the cave floor.

x-x

Sesshoumaru clenched Tenseiga in a cold hand and delivered yet another deadly swipe at an attacking fury.

The body disintegrated with a screech and reformed above him a breath later. He barely evaded its clawed swipe, the claw thrusting at him from the left and the cold steel blade that scratched at his middle from behind. Panting, he rocketed towards the ground and used the impact to propel himself even higher.

The three furies soared upwards in his wake, silent and deadly.

Below, the dragon danced a gleeful jig, jumping from tree to tree in search of a better vantage point. Its mocking called scratched at Sesshoumaru's eardrums.

"Don't forget I still have your miko, so you'd better not try to sneak that poison whip my way if you want her to live. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I understand what you see in her. Do you know she tried to convince me she doesn't like dogs? Adorable!"

Sesshoumaru arched and fell, banking right and around at the last second. Two furies slammed into the flat of his blade and were hurled out towards the horizon, growing smaller and smaller. He turned and sent the third one tumbling in the opposite direction.

Mere moments to catch his breath… He was going to have to put them to good use.

x-x

Blinking owlishly into the daylight Kagome wiped sweat out of her eyes and tried to orient herself. The sense of urgency had grown into near panic. She had to find Sesshoumaru. It wouldn't do to arrive late just because right now she felt like she couldn't find her way out of a paper bag.

Panting, she climbed her way up the nearest tree until she found a sturdy branch with a good view and looked up at the sky. It was a sullen light gray, bloated with snow.

She turned around slowly. To the east was a dark mass of clouds edged in fire. Silent lightning arched above the treetops.

Her heart skipped a beat. She slid to the ground, uncaring of the scratches the bark tore into her skin, and took off running.

x-x

"Not so arrogant now, Western Lord," screeched the dragon. "Ho, how the mighty have fallen!"

For the thousandth time Sesshoumaru hurled himself blindly past the clouds into the white sky, higher and higher, as if he could escape the judgment waiting below. The furies didn't care that Persephone had deserved killing. They were undeath personified and now that they had found him they would never rest until they delivered him to eternal torment in a foreign hell.

For the first time in his life Sesshoumaru wondered if this was the day he was going to die.

x-x

Kagome stumbled to a halt, gasping for air.

Three shriveled old crones with ebony skin and deformed limbs swarmed around Sesshoumaru on leather wings. They looked like bats but moved like hummingbirds. A wind of terror trailed behind them like a shredded banner.

Sesshoumaru was bleeding from cuts all over his body, his shredded clothing whipping in the wind around him. He fought with his usual skill but he appeared hesitant and tired, as if he had exhausted his arsenal of techniques and was now simply delaying the inevitable out of sheer bloody-mindedness.

Drunk on his impending victory the dragon flashed around him like a demented jester, screeching taunts.

"No," Kagome bit out. She wouldn't let it end like this.

She clenched her fists, willing the power to rise from wherever it was hiding and ruining her day. It came in a trickle, too little to be of any use. Golden light flickered at the tips of her fingers for a moment and guttered again.

"Sesshoumaru," she whispered. _I won't let you down. I won't._

Golden eyes locked on hers over the distance. Sesshoumaru had noticed her. It was a measure of his exhaustion that it had taken him so long.

She met his gaze and held it desperately, willing him to live for her. _Come on_, she thought. _Whatever it takes, I don't care, we're getting out of this._

Concentrating, she gathered the power drop by drop, trembling with the effort. It felt like trying to squeeze a lead ball through a pinhole but still she pushed. More of it gathered in her muscles and strained through her veins, reluctantly yielding to her will. Still not much but maybe just enough for one desperate gambit.

At her feet the earth stirred and turned over as tiny green shoots crept to the surface.

She tore her eyes from Sesshoumaru's.

_Please stay alive. I'm coming._

"Kuzuryu!" she yelled. "Come here, you stupid bastard!"

A sliver of a moment and then that mocking voice in her ear. "Language, miko."

Kagome gasped and barely evaded the blade that would have disemboweled her.

A streak of fire ripped through her side. Gods, but he was fast. Why had she forgotten how fast he was?

The dragon laughed.

"Too quick for you, little human?" he taunted.

Another slash, another dancing retreat, another fiery line, this time across her chest. He was playing with her. She staggered back. Her nails cut bloody half-moons into her palms. Then suddenly, everywhere on her body the wounds and scrapes ignited with a familiar peach glow.

Kagome's legs trembled, barely holding her upright.

Kuzuryu danced closer with curious eyes. "Ah, so there's some power there after all. So little, though. How disappointing."

His kunai snaked closer, silvery and fast, too fast for her fading reflexes and her fading vision.

_I hate you_, she thought, and then her knee gave way and she pulled the power from everywhere it was bleeding and everywhere it hurt, slamming it into the fertile earth.

Vines burst from the ground, quicker than thought, blazing with purification.

If some of them went through sinew and bone instead of around it, it was very much on purpose.

Kuzuryu's mocking laughter turned into a scream.

Kagome caught herself with her palms before she slammed face-first into the ground.

Less than one foot away Kuzuryu writhed, caught in a thicket of spiny vines.

She barely saw him. Shaking her head to get rid of the sparks dancing across her vision, she grabbed the kunai stained with her blood from his limp hand and pushed herself upright on wobbly limbs.

If she had to, she would crawl.

_Hold on just a little longer, Sesshoumaru._

Head down, she stumbled towards the tornado of youki that surrounded Sesshoumaru's battle.

x-x

Sesshoumaru clenched his jaw and leapt, barely escaping another mortal hit.

The dragon was wounded and Kagome was still alive. Pride filled him in a hot rush. She was alive and she was his and he would not give up until they were both safe. It didn't matter that this was the one enemy he had no chance of defeating. He would find a way.

x-x

The gale whipped around Kagome, slapping dust and leaves against every exposed patch of skin. She leaned into it with all her body weight, fighting her way forward. She could barely make out Sesshoumaru high above her, flitting through the air as if gravity was an inconvenience rather than a law.

The three crones attempted to catch him between them, narrowly missed. This close to the fight the aura of despair and death they emanated was a physical weight.

Stopping, Kagome crouched down to minimize the surface buffeted by the winds and focused inward. The power had been there when she'd gained open wounds. It was still working away at the skin, but it was not nearly enough to even make a dent in the battle raging above her.

She needed power, no matter what. Enough for a final unmaking.

She scratched at the well inside her but it was all but exhausted. There was more below it, in a hot place at the very core of her, but she realized instinctively that there was no way to reach that by sheer willpower. The jewel would stop her, first and foremost concerned with its own survival.

Barely allowing herself to think about what she had to do Kagome gripped the kunai between sweaty hands and plunged it into her chest.

The wind stopped.

Sesshoumaru dropped from the sky like a stone, slamming to one knee beside her.

"Kagome," he whispered hoarsely. He lifted a hand, touched it to her cheek.

Dimly, it occurred to her that she had never seen Sesshoumaru helpless.

A golden sun erupted from her chest.

Kagome gasped for breath and ripped the blade out again. She coughed, choking on the blood that welled up in her throat. For a moment she thought she might drown in her own blood but then she felt her heart and lungs knit together, muscles closing across the hole. Oh, but it hurt.

_Enough_, she thought. _Enough_.

She clenched her hands against her chest, gathering the power in her hands, tearing it away from the still mending flesh.

When she opened eyes like mirrors she saw the furies hovering around her, watching her curiously. Yes, furies. She nodded to herself, satisfied to finally put a name to the nightmare. That's what they were, monsters from a half-remembered dream, and she _knew_ them…

She clutched at Sesshoumaru's shoulders with glowing hands. No matter. This wouldn't hurt him. She wouldn't hurt him. She couldn't. She had been a fool to think otherwise.

She turned to face them.

"Enough," she said out loud. "Leave him alone."

One of the furies floated forward. Looking into its eyes Kagome felt primal terror and a deep sense of recognition. Oh yes, she knew them. She understood them. She—

Her glow stuttered and died, and with that her only weapon. Sesshoumaru grabbed her hand in his and held it. They knelt in the mud together, waiting.

The fury fixed her with a brilliant gaze. Unfettered terror skittered down her spine with icy fingers, freezing her limbs and stopping her heart.

"You!" it said. Its voice was a garbled mess, as if it were talking through water. "You are dead."

Kagome grasped for the courage to pry her locked jaw apart.

"Nu-huh," she said through chattering teeth. "Not dead. Very alive." She stretched out a trembling wrist, displaying the jerky thrum of her pulse. "See?"

The fury looked down at her wrist, and then back up at her face.

"You are dead," it said, less certain now. "Dead head among flowers. Dead body with heart torn out. The price must be paid."

"Oh," Kagome said. A burst of laughter escaped her past bleeding lips. She felt as if her head were floating. "That could have been anyone. The killer could have been anyone. You really shouldn't go around attacking people without evidence."

The fury blinked. "Evidence?" It shook itself, retreating back to what it knew. "Spring dead," it said. "Heart torn out. Head-"

"Yeah, you said. Look," Kagome said, squeezing Sesshoumaru's hand and hoping she was finally understanding this metaphysical tangle correctly, hoping her mouth would keep forming actual words past the blood-colored clouds in her head, "I don't know who told you guys I died, but I'm clearly here and talking to you, so I can't be dead. That was the other me."

"Other you?" it echoed.

"Yeah, didn't you know?" The words spilled out without rhyme or pause. This was good, she just had to let them flow, an endless river of words… "Before me there was Kikyo, she was a miko in this small village and she fell in love with a hanyou, and he with her, only they didn't trust each other completely, they were supposed to be enemies, you see, and there was this bad man, Onigumo, who liked Kikyo and lied to them both and made them fight each other, and then she sealed Inuyasha, that's the hanyou I told you about, to a tree but not before he wounded her. She died. They burned the jewel with her -did I mention the jewel? no? Whatever— anyway, they burned it and it went somewhere, I don't know exactly where and then five hundred years later I was born with it in my body. And then when I was a teenager I followed our cat to the old shed and fell into the well. Actually I didn't fall, a youkai dragged me through, it wanted me because I had the jewel in my body, see—"

"Please," said the fury. Its mirror eyes were glazed over and Kagome might even have felt a little pity if she were able to feel anything at all. "Please, stop."

"But don't you guys want to know what happened?" Kagome demanded giddily. "It would clear everything right up and really, it's no trouble at all..."

"NO," said the fury.

"Okay then. Seriously guys, I just want to help."

"Please," the fury said again. "You are Spring, yes?"

Hah. Showed what they knew. She was spring and death and rebirth and hope betrayed, all rolled up into one seriously woozy package. "I don't know about that," she said seriously. "I can make plants grow, and there's the glow of death. I could wipe you out, you know. Make you go away. As soon as it's back. Is that very springlike, do you think?"

"You are Spring," the fury said firmly. "We saw." The other furies nodded along with her, looking dazed.

Kagome shrugged. "Then I guess I am. Well, I don't understand these kinds of things very well, but if I'm Spring, and I'm here, Sesshoumaru can't have killed me, right? So then the person who got their heart torn out and their head removed—very sad, by the way—can't have been me, and he can't have killed her. And it's not like when a goddess dies, another goddess just pops right up in her place, is it?"

She snickered at that. 'Pop' was such a funny word.

"NEVER," said the fury, then she fixed Sesshoumaru with a glance. "We understand now."

Kagome took a deep breath. This was really an interesting discussion to have while bleeding out. Very existential. She wished she could appreciate it more.

"Well then. I'm glad we cleared that up. you're from Greece, right? I'm sorry you came such a long way for nothing, but maybe you want to visit a little, see the sights? We have a lot of hot springs here! I could show you some really pretty spots-"

The furies looked at each other, then gave a collective shudder.

"NO!" The first fury said hastily. They were fading already, their bodies melting into smoke. "Cannot come without purpose. Cannot stay without purpose."

Kagome made her eyes widen. "That's too bad," she said. She thought about waving goodbye, then decided that would be putting it on a little thick. She nodded at them, then nodded again because the bobbing movement made her head feel like it was floating and she wanted to make sure it was still attached. "Have a good trip."

The first fury seemed to recall something. Suddenly she had flashed away, reappearing right where Kuzuryu was lying, moaning quietly. "You," it said. "Deceiver. Come with us."

"What?" he said. "No! He did kill her, I was told, I-"

The fury took the back of his neck in a firm grip. "There must be payment," she said. A puff of smoke and all three furies and their victim were gone.

Kagome stared at the spot where they'd been, feeling vaguely guilty, not knowing exactly where they'd been.

"Sesshoumaru?" she said, trying to turn to him and nearly falling over.

Sesshoumaru caught her and dragged her into his lap so they could bleed on each other.

"Equal opportunity bleeding," she said, satisfied. "Can you please look if my head's still attached?"

Sesshoumaru sighed and then clutched her to him so fiercely the rest of her body felt like it was floating, too. He was her sun, her stars, her moon and skies. How odd that she hadn't known that before. She'd have to tell him, but she couldn't quite get her mouth to form so many words.

"Love you," she said instead, and fainted.


	10. Lascivious Velvet

**Hi guys, here comes the long-awaited chapter in which Kagome and Sesshoumaru finally do something about the sexual tension that's kept them up at night for months. ^^ **

**Sadly, due to FFN's terms of service I can't post the full chapter here because it depicts two consenting adults having explicit sexual relations. Therefore, please see this link for the full chapter (the link is also provided in my profile, so you can click on it there):**

**http : / www . dokuga . com / fanfiction / story / 2447 / 10 (remove the spaces for the link to work)**

**Since this is my first time writing an explicit sex scene and I have no idea whatsoever how I did, I'd be really grateful for any feedback you can give me, no matter how minor. So if you have something to say after reading this chapter it would be really lovely if you could return here and leave a review. **

**Thank you very much!**

.

* * *

.**  
**

After a seemingly interminable flight Sesshoumaru touched down heavily in the courtyard. The youki cloud he had used to transport Ah-Un dissolved abruptly, dumping the wounded dragon to the hard-packed earth with a thud.

A livid Jaken rushed towards them through the main gate, several of perimeter guards swarming behind him like so many ants.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, what happened? We were so worried!"

Sesshoumaru blinked cobwebs from his eyes and tried to focus on Jaken's wavering green face. It was remarkably hard.

"Jaken, make sure Ah-Un is cared for. Do not let Rin near him. If she wishes to know why, make up a believable excuse."

He turned to the assembled guards and fixed them with a cold stare. "This never happened," he said. "Return to your posts. Jaken."

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"I do not wish to be disturbed for the remainder of the night."

Jaken nodded convulsively. "Of course my lord! But my lord…"

"Under _any _circumstances," Sesshoumaru clarified.

Jaken bowed his understanding.

Sesshoumaru hoisted Kagome's limp body more securely into his arms and walked away, ignoring the flurry of activity that resumed behind him.

x-x

Kagome's bed was a rumpled mess of furs and pillows. Her floor was another mess of splintered boards and tree roots born during one of her recent power surges, with the cherry tree at its center blocking out most of the light from the large windows.

While Sesshoumaru abhorred messes as a rule, here the air smelled like Kagome and cherry blossoms and everything from the indentation in one pillow to the wilted posy on the single stool, bore her imprint. Instead of annoying, the disarray looked cozy. It felt like home.

Sesshoumaru grasped Kagome more tightly as he negotiated the uneven floor. He adjusted a few pillows and then laid her carefully on the bed.

She curled up in a ball turned her face into the bedding with a sniff. After a long look at her, Sesshoumaru turned to discarding the remains of his armor. One of his shoulder guards was gone; the other had been sliced apart like so much scrap metal and hung from a single remaining leather strap. He sliced away the strap using a bit of poison and let it fall to the floor. The body armor was in similarly bad shape. It had been badly dented and several slices had gone through to the skin. In places the metal had folded inward, slicing into his ribs. He had to use quite a bit of force to peel it away from his body. He didn't even bother with the buckles since the chest plate was so badly warped, preferring to cut it away from his body with poison as well.

Every part of his clothing that hadn't been metal, including his underclothes, hung from him in ribbons. None of it was salvageable. He discarded everything and used a concentrated burst of youki to burn away the dirt and grime from his naked body. Kagome owned only a small mirror, but his reflection in her darkened windows confirmed his initial impression: this was the most wounded he'd been in a very long time.

A triple claw mark ran the length of his back, having sliced through muscle all the way to bone, burning like lye dipped in fire. Several less severe gouges sliced across his legs and chest. One cut on his chest still oozed blood. There was a burn across his right shoulder and another just over his groin.

On his cheek, a shallow scratch had begun healing. It was enough that by tomorrow, he would carry no visible wounds. While the other injuries would take days to vanish completely, they would be masked by clothing, allowing him to maintain the appearance of invulnerability on which so much of his reputation was built. Not that he wouldn't be able to eviscerate any contenders to the title of strongest youkai in Japan, but he's rather not be bothered with challenges.

He had other plans for the next few months.

Tugging a dark green silk sheet from the bed, he wrapped it around his middle with an intricate knot and settled himself into the bed beside Kagome with his back against a mound of pillows.

Kagome scooted closer with a sleepy sigh and leaned her head against his thigh, smearing the silk with mud from her hair. Sesshoumaru saw that her normally shiny locks were liberally coated in the stuff. It stuck to her tresses in matted clumps. Sesshoumaru ran careful fingers through a stubborn-looking snarl and started to unravel it. Soon, he had restored her bangs to some semblance of order without waking her so he patiently started to comb out the rest, the burn of the wounds receding into the background as he worked.

He was loved.

Kagome had seen him in the hour of his defeat, and then she had done her usual haphazard, reckless, irresponsible thing and saved him. Saved them both.

Because she loved him.

Sesshoumaru had been cherished by his parents, feared by his enemies, adulated by his dependents and envied by his allies. He had never been loved. Not like this, without expectation or illusion.

And she was so pretty, too, so bright and happy. How could he resist? He had been doomed from the start. He hadn't understood it at the time, seeing her only as an overly loud human female who didn't know her place.

It was odd how familiarity could change perspective. Now he could not imagine his life without her passionate arguments to liven it up. She was stubborn and opinionated. She would never just meekly go along with his dictates—Rin didn't either, but at least she was diplomatic about it. Kagome merely planted her feet and snapped at him until he saw reason, or at least stopped contradicting her. It was refreshing.

It was also terribly arousing.

In her sleep Kagome murmured something unintelligible and slapped at the air. Then she shook her head so violently, he thought she would wake herself up.

Sesshoumaru brushed some hair off her forehead, hoping to quiet her down since clearly not even sleep could stop her from finding something to argue about.

She slapped his hand away with an adorable little snarl. When he tickled her cheek just to see how she would react she frowned and rolled away with a small grunt of effort. She ended up on her back in a contorted sprawl, lips pursed in concentration. Sesshoumaru wondered what she was dreaming, and also how it was possible to look quite so adorable while unconscious.

"Mrrnh?" Kagome said and twitched again, clearly conducting a lively conversation in her dream.

Since there was nobody around to see, Sesshoumaru allowed himself a small besotted smile and moved across the bed to her. He took a moment to just watch her face, so animated even in sleep. There was an odd iridescence to her skin as the feeble remains of her power worked slowly to remove her injuries. Bruises and scrapes faded slowly as he watched. The bulk of the luminance gathered around the angry red lesion just over her breastbone, where she had stabbed herself.

It was an uncomfortable reminder of how close he had come to losing her and his heart turned over in his chest. Apparently, the physical symptoms of love were very close to indigestion. An indigestion of the soul maybe?

However distasteful he found this weakness, it was there and would not be denied. It gave him a small measure of comfort to know that she felt the same, and unlike him had been courageous enough to say so. The impulse to touch her, to reassure himself that she was really there with him was strong, and he saw no reason to resist. He touched her small fist now curled under her chin, caressed her shoulder. Under the layer of dirt and dead insects that still stuck to her skin she felt soft and alive, if a little chilled.

She wouldn't be able to stand being this unclean if she were awake, he realized. She did love her baths and right now she was very much in need of one. Still, it wouldn't do to wake her when she was so exhausted, and him calling for hot water and manhandling her into the tub would certainly accomplish that.

Experimentally, he charged his palm with a thin layer of youki and stroked it carefully down her arm, leaving clean, silky skin behind. Kagome mumbled but did not stir otherwise so he did it again to the inside of the same arm. Gratified to be able to do at least this small thing for her, Sesshoumaru set to work.

x-x

When Kagome woke up mid-snore the first thing she saw above her was Sesshoumaru's blank face against a backdrop of cherry branches. Her room, then. He was propped up on an elbow, watching her lazily. Beneath half-lowered lids, his eyes were moon-bright.

She blinked sleepily up at him and surreptitiously wiped drool from the corner of her mouth.

"Hey," she whispered.

The very air was silent around them, a quiet so absolute it hummed.

Kagome hid a small yawn behind her hand and turned to face him, pillowing her head on a folded arm. "Is it morning yet?"

"Not yet," Sesshoumaru answered. His deep voice held a husky note. "Are you still in pain?"

Gingerly, Kagome took stock of her body. There were various aches and pains spread throughout, but nothing too dramatic. The last few months had helped her build a considerable tolerance to pain. Her current state rated maybe a one on the discomfort scale, which really wasn't very much if one considered the circumstances.

In fact, she found she felt pretty good. Her limbs were weighted down with a sweet lassitude; she could barely remember the last time she had felt so comfortable and protected, simply content to float in the moment. It seemed that there had always been some apprehension, some large or small worry niggling in the back of her mind, and now that weight had been removed, leaving her free and light and a little rudderless.

"Not particularly," she said. "You?"

"Not particularly," he replied, making her lips twitch.

They shared a look.

Wry amusement metamorphosed into warmth and then into something deep and nameless.

Sesshoumaru's hooded gaze slid to her mouth.

Her lips tingled.

A draft of air washed over them from the half-open window. Cherry petals floated through the air and settled on Sesshoumaru's bare shoulder, drawing Kagome's gaze across his muscular throat to the wide chest, marred by deep gouges that somehow made him look more lethal rather than less, and from there to the shadowed ridges of his abdomen, where twin stripes curled seductively over his hipbones.

A primal shiver ran through her at the sight. Then the comfortable lassitude faded as she realized that she had never seen Sesshoumaru quite so badly injured. Concerned, she touched fluttering fingers to the inflamed edge of one particularly deep laceration.

"Oh, Sesshoumaru," she murmured. "I'm so sorry. Does it hurt very badly?"

He clasped her trembling fingers in his own and kissed the tips.

"No," he said.

"Is it healing at all?"

"Yes."

She let out a breath. "Okay, that's good."

Sesshoumaru didn't reply. He released her hand to trace the fading knife scar over her breastbone with one finger. A faint golden iridescence flickered up to meet his touch.

Looking down, Kagome realized she was only wearing her tank top, the neckline of which had been generously widened by the knife cut, and a pair of cotton panties. Also, she was oddly clean although she couldn't remember bathing. Well, she couldn't bring herself to care about such details now. Not with Sesshoumaru so close, watching her with that unfamiliar warmth in his eyes.

"You have healed well," he said.

She shrugged. She really couldn't complain.

"I suppose that's why I feel completely depleted," she said. "Not even a trickle of power left. I wish I had enough left to heal you."

"Not all pain is bad, Kagome." His hand left her chest to settle lightly on her hip. "Sometimes it is simply a mark of survival. Something to be welcomed."

They were already so close, it was easy to shift even closer. Kagome burrowed into him, careful of his wounds, and pressed her heated face into his shoulder.

"I'm sure there are better ways to celebrate survival other than abject agony," she muttered against his skin.

His lips brushed the top of her head. "Several," he agreed.

Kagome sighed. "Did I already mention how sorry I am?"

"I do not want your apologies," Sesshoumaru said into her hair. "If you truly wish to tally our slights against each other, I am the one who owes you reparations."

She kissed his shoulder. "Please don't say that."

His lips moved to her temple. "Why not? You deserve compensation."

Kagome pulled back and stroked a hand over his bicep, trying to think. It was wonderful to be so close to him, touching him and being touched, but the closeness was marred by his businesslike words, so at odds with his body language.

"I don't want compensation," she finally said. "I don't want this to be a _business_ exchange, Sesshoumaru. That's not who you are to me."

On the other hand maybe she was just reading him wrong. Compensation probably had a different meaning when negotiated in bed while nearly kissing.

She wished he would just come out and tell her what he meant instead of confusing her with innuendo.

With a slip of the wrist his fingers closed warmly around her own.

"You are beautiful when you are cross," he observed.

"You are always beautiful," she countered. "What exactly are we talking about?"

He shrugged, as if to indicate that he had no idea what she was talking about but that he was willing to indulge her anyway.

"What is it that you want most at this moment, Kagome?" he asked.

Kagome examined his expression. Amusement, threaded through with heat and unmistakable affection. How differently she saw him now, a battered warrior instead of an invincible god. He was so magnificently alive, if damaged, and it hit her like a hammer blow that she could have lost him. Between one moment and the next his complicated, exasperating self could have been ripped from his body, forever lost to her.

The memory was still close and vivid and she trembled with remembered fear.

But it hadn't happened that way, she reminded herself. He was here now, enclosing her in a cocoon of warmth and safety, waiting patiently for her to work out what she needed from him. And when she discarded all distractions and truly thought about it, the answer was simple.

"You," she admitted.

In the space of a breath Sesshoumaru had rolled her under him. His hair made a silky curtain above her and his eyes glittered.

"And _how_ do you want me, Kagome?" he whispered against her mouth.

"Any way you like," she told him seriously, because it was true.

Sesshoumaru kissed her, first lightly, then with a deep, fierce thoroughness that drove her head back and ripped a startled moan from her throat.

Clenching her fingers in his silky hair, suddenly ablaze with a hunger so strong it scared her, Kagome met his kiss with the same desperate fierceness. She arched up, straining to feel as much of him as she could. His hips jerked in response, pinning her to the futon and forcing her thighs wider.

Kagome writhed against the thick bulge that pressed against her core, desperate to ease the aching emptiness that plagued her there. She had never felt so… _hollow_ before, as if her body was missing a vital piece to be complete.

Sesshoumaru groaned his appreciation. Taking advantage of the offering presented by her bowed back and quivering limbs, he raised his hips just enough that he could slip a hand between their bodies. His knuckles brushed her through the panties, wrenching another strangled cry from her.

Sesshoumaru pressed another quick, hard kiss to her parted lips, then lifted his torso away from her to trace her with a firmer touch. His nostrils widened in reaction to the scent of arousal rising from her overheated flesh and Kagome could not help running her hands along his muscled flanks and over his tensed abdomen, where muscles with the consistency of steel cable coiled and released in time with her panting breaths.

She whined when he slipped his fingers beneath the flimsy cotton. It was too much. Too much sensation, too much to bear after a draught that had lasted forever. Sesshoumaru seemed to know it, his touch feather-light, his eyes ravenous as they absorbed each emotion that flickered across her face.

"Please," Kagome begged, not knowing what she was asking for, just knowing that she craved it as she had never craved anything in her life.

Her plea nudged Sesshoumaru into action. He pulled impatiently at the knot that held his makeshift loincloth secured and when not even brute strength proved a match for spider youkai silk, he shredded the cloth with his claws and tore it from his body in one violent motion.

x-x

**Hey guys! For the more explicit version of the above text and the even more explicit remainder of this scene please go to **

**http : / www . dokuga . com / fanfiction / story / 2447 / 10 (remove the spaces for the link to work)**

**or alternatively see my profile for the link. Thank you!**

x-x

Sesshoumaru's arms collapsed under him. He had just enough presence of mind left to roll to his back, taking her with him. She came easily, panting like she'd run for miles. Her wet cheek brushed over his chest wound, stinging a little, and he realized she was crying inbetween quiet gulps of air.

He patted her back a little helplessly and found he was grinning like an idiot at the ceiling.

Slowly, Kagome subsided until only a few sniffles could be heard.

"I guess there's going to be no living with you now, is there?" she mumbled, then sniffed again.

"If you require a more average performance I can certainly attempt to satisfy you," he said.

She must have heard the smile in his voice. He certainly felt her lips curve against his skin.

"Don't get cute with me," she said, and slapped his shoulder. She ruined the warning by wiggling a little, clearly unused to the stickiness between her legs.

It was just a little wiggle but Sesshoumaru felt himself harden again.

"Oh," she said.

"Yes?" Sesshoumaru inquired innocently, bending down to nuzzle her neck.

"Stop it," she told him even while she arched into his touch. "Seriously, I'm not up for another round. The last one nearly killed me."

"You could make me stop," Sesshoumaru suggested. "You must only lift up a little and then—"

"Kagome-chan? Are you awake?" a girlish voice intruded from outside.

A long, low snarl of frustration emitted from Sesshoumaru's throat. His forehead dropped to hers.

"It is Rin's birthday," he said tonelessly.

"I understand," Kagome said softly, although her body clenched around him in a clear sign that it didn't feel the same way. "Really, I do. I need a moment, Rin-chan," she called out. "Give me a few minutes and I'll be right there, okay?"

"Sure, Kagome-chan," Rin called. "Have you seen Sesshoumaru-sama? I can't find him anywhere."

Sesshoumaru wondered what he had done to deserve this.

Kagome cleared her throat. "Er, not really," she called. "But I'm sure he'll turn up soon."

"I'm sure you're right," Rin agreed.

"But you could go look for him again, just in case," Kagome suggested. "I'll join you in a minute."

"That's a good idea, Kagome-chan. I'll do that. See you soon!"

The tripping of running feet announced Rin's departure and Sesshoumaru gritted his teeth.

"When Rin found me she did not know the exact date of her birth," he explained, reluctantly pulling away from Kagome. "She was too little when her parents died and in her village, nobody else cared to remember the birth of an orphan. We picked the day together."

"And you must celebrate it together. I understand," she said.

Both rose to get dressed. Kagome stumbled around in a daze and Sesshoumaru found himself saving her more than once from rogue splinters.

At last she was adequately attired in a light yukata and they shared a last, lingering kiss.

Kagome slipped her arms around his waist and grimaced. "I need a bath and you need clothes. I _want _to get back in bed with you and not come out for weeks."

Was she saying these kinds of things to torture him?

With a visible effort, Sesshoumaru reined himself in. "Today is Rin's day. Tomorrow—"

Kagome sighed. "You're right. Tomorrow." She bit her lip and clutched him close. "That's ages away. I don't think I can stand it. You've turned me into a hussy," she accused. "I can't think when you're naked."

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes. "We'll have to bear it together," he said. "It's only for a day. Twenty-four hours. One thousand four hundred and forty minutes."

His jaw clenched. Kagome rested her forehead against his chest.

"That does sound like an awful lot, doesn't it?" She sighed again. "Well, it's no use. For Rin," she said.

"For Rin," Sesshoumaru agreed.


End file.
